The Backstreet Boys’ ongoing attempt to prolong their ability to sleep with younger chicks has yielded a new single, “Straight Through My Heart,” which sounds so goddamn much like a song directly out of the late-90s, I’m convinced that the band must’ve frozen song sperm back in their heyday then thawed it out in 2009 and impregnated a recording studio with it.

These guys are literally the Rolling Stones of music.