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  • 16 May
    Wednesday

    Illinois May Allow Mini Horses As Helper Animals In Honor Of Li’l Sebastian

    RIP Lil Sebastian

    The Illinois state senate just voted to add miniature horses to the list of ‘helper animals’ for people with disabilities, a move that is already being referred to on this blog and nowhere else as “The Li’l Sebastian Amendment,” in honor of Pawnee’s most beloved deceased miniature horse.

    Sure, on one hand, Li’l Sebastian was technically from Indiana and is fictional and has nothing to do with any of this, but on the other hand, who’s to say this new law isn’t entirely because of Li’l Sebastian? The truth is probably somewhere in between.

    Proponents of the law argue that miniature horses are ideal alternatives for people in need of helper animals who have severe allergies or phobias to dogs, plus they live longer, but critics have cited the potential sanitary drawbacks to having horses walking around in indoor spaces. I haven’t studied this issue long enough to have an opinion other than “Miniature horses are completely hilarious and I’m in favor of them doing whatever,” so feel free to use this sentence I just typed in your debates or whatever, senators who are reading this.

    In closing, let’s just use this as an excuse to re-watch Tom’s touching Li’l Sebastian In Memoriam:

    Read the rest of this entry »

  • 16 May
    Wednesday

    Simpsons Did It: Man Protests All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Restaurant For Cutting Him Off

    I don’t use the world hero very often, but Bill Wisth, the man who called the police on Wisconsin all-you-can-eat fish restaurant Chuck’s Place after they refused to serve him his 13th helping, is the greatest hero in American history.

    I mean, this is clearly the most fraudulent case of false advertising since that case against The Never Ending Story! Also that guy’s cardboard sign is breaking my heart so please just give him some more fish. You did offer to give him more? 8 more? What about the steam tray? We have to get his man all he can eat, people!

    (Gawker)

  • 16 May
    Wednesday

    Anchorman 2 Teaser Poster Is Quite Pungent

    Here’s the first teaser poster for the forthcoming Anchorman 2, with director Adam McKay confirming, “We’re either going to shoot the movie in 3-D or 1/2 D”:

    The poster comes Exclusively via Lebanese Cinema Movie Guide, so who knows if it’s even real, but who’s to say what’s real anymore in this crazy rat race dot gov we call an internet? Unless the thing deviates from George R.R. Martin’s books slightly, in which case it is definitively FAKE.

    (via Pop Culture Brain)

  • 16 May
    Wednesday

    Penis Pants Are Perfect For Your Job’s VERY Casual Friday

    Were you looking for pants with a stylish design of penises on them? Here they are! (NSFW, meaning, it is not safe for you to wear these to work):

    Penis Pants

    This looks like something that would’ve shown up on an HBO Real Sex episode that you were trying to masturbate to in high school, when you look at the clock and you’re like “Ok, only one segment left, it better be good…” and the show’s like “Penis pants? You better believe it! We take you to the Penis Pants Pantsotorium in Grand Rapids Michigan to see how penis clothing is made!” and you’re like “Aahhhhh dammit, now I just have to think about that one ok looking person from that segment twenty minutes ago, then wake up for school in ONE HOUR.”

    I had a tough life.

    (via Dlisted and several fashionable readers)

  • 16 May
    Wednesday

    America’s Got Talent Rapping Granny Is Last, Best Hope For America’s Horny Boys

    America's Got Talent Granny G

    There’s a horny boy crisis in this country, and Granny G from America’s Got Talent is the only octogenarian sassy and talent enough to address it! Too long have our horny boys wandered the wilderness alone without guidance, devoid of rapping voices who will reach out to them, commanding them to keep it in their pants. Alerting them to the fact that babies eat money like Yogi Bear eats honey.

    Sadly, this rap is way too uncomfortable to listen to, so no horny boys will never hear it. Sorry, babies!

    Westsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide Bitcheeeeeeees!

    (VVV)

  • 15 May
    Tuesday

    Peter Berg Gives The Most Hilariously Off-Topic Battleship Interview Possible

    Here’s Battleship director Peter Berg giving an interview on an Israeli tv station, and it is amazing; yes, every trailer for Battleship looks terrible (despite its heavy Friday Night Lights crossoverage), but every interview with Peter Berg is awesome, so something had to give here, and the winner was “Berg interview awesomeness.”

    This perfectly out-of-context clip begins with Berg musing on the prospects of Israel attacking Iran versus waiting for potential nuclear disaster, before swiftly moving to compliment Rihanna’s acting abilities, and finishing by making fun of the interviewer for somehow dodging the Israeli military service.

    I wager dollars to Berg-donuts that this clip is more entertaining than the actual movie Battleship:

    (via Film Drunk)

  • 15 May
    Tuesday

    Kids Re-Enact “Sabotage” Video For Most Adorable MCA Tribute Yet

    Sabotage Kids Video

    We’ll never get tired of the internet’s Adam Yauch tributes, but we especially won’t get tired of videos where three kids in wigs and mustaches re-enact the “Sabotage” music video scene-for-scene.

    The title of “Most Adorable Musician Tribute Ever” has officially been claimed. No offense, Coldplay, but you are not three kids in wigs and mustaches re-enacting the “Sabotage” music video scene-for-scene:

    (via The High Definite)

  • 15 May
    Tuesday

    You Will BELIEVE What Happens To This Drunk Woman Sitting On A Flimsy Window

    Drunk Woman WindowHere’s the first video on the internet.

    It’s a drunk lady sitting on a window awning and being like “I’m drunk bet this’ll never fall” and the person filming it (because of course you’d film your friend just sitting there) is like “Oh I hope you don’t fall” and then… I won’t tell you what happens after that! WINK! WIIIIINK!!!! WINKWINWKWINWKNWK!!!

    I just can BELIEVE what happens!

    I’m not saying this video was clearly staged, I’m just saying, I can’t think of a joke way to just say it was staged to complete this sentence, because it’s too staged. It’ll make sense tomorrow when we find out this was all viral marketing for new Dasani Windows.

    (via Internet.com)

  • 15 May
    Tuesday

    The Most Awesomely 90s Back Tattoo Of All Time

    Anyone been watching the NBA Playoffs? Have you been “cheering” for your team, like some fairweather bandwagoner who only uses their voice and hands to cheer for things, instead of getting a massive tattoo of two players across your entire back?

    Behold, this giant Michael Jordan / Dennis Rodman back tattoo, which may be the most impressively 90s tattoo of all time:

    Yup, that’s the coolest back in 90s history. Unless you can find me a tattoo of Sonic the Hedgehog wearing a Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket skateboarding up the Double Dare Sundae Slide, in which case, that would take the crown and also start putting that on my flesh asap.

    (via Ball Don’t Lie)

  • 15 May
    Tuesday

    South Korean Worst First Pitch Is What Your First Pitch Would Look Like, Let’s Be Honest

    Okay, sure, we all enjoy someone botching a first pitch. For example, South Korean pop star Jessica from the girl group SNSD, who really just blew it big time before a recent LG vs Samsung game. Can we be really, though? Wouldn’t you also probably panic and throw the ball straight into the ground in front of you in a moment of spastic humiliation? Wouldn’t your sweaty nervous hands and complete lack of baseball skills make you embarrass yourself in front of everyone you know and now the world?

    You know they would. Your voice is your instrument, girl, not your throwing arm! We are all Jessica now!

    (VVV)