• 20 November
    Friday

    THE OFFICE: And The Oscar Goes To…

    Office Shareholders MeetingAhhhhhhhhhhh Oscar!!!!!!!!! That was your moment!!! How many readers were really, genuinely rooting for Oscar to just lay into the Dunder-Mifflin execs, totally validate Michael’s faith in him, and usher the company into a new era with the Wallace-Michael-Oscar arm triumphantly leading the way? All of you, right?

    (By the way, I gave up feeling the need to explain “Yes, I know these are not real people…” when talking about this show like three seasons ago, in case anyone was wondering. Though I don’t imagine you, as a reader of this site, were wondering that.)

    Unfortunately, Oscar keeps his mouth shut, because of The Office’s stupid good, believable writing and because that’s exactly what Oscar would do in that particular situation. LAAAAAMEEEE!!! Why couldn’t the show writing just get sh*ttier for one moment so Oscar could tear the CEO a new one and have him respond “No one has EVER talked to me like that! Clean out your desk young man…because you’re our new CFO!!!” Oscar SuiteOscar: “Huhhhh???” Michael: “Three ARRIBAS for Oscar! Celebration in the limo!” Shareholders: “ARRIBA OSCAR!!!”

    Ah well. So, Dunder-Mifflin is screwed, currently collapsing under the double-strain of the economic collapse and the shrinking need for paper merchants in general, and the executives have absolutely zero plan other than to unknowingly display Michael to the shareholders as a vague hard-times hero, and describing other nice-sounding initiatives to placate a rowdy crowd of investors. They fail miserably.

    The funniest part of the episode comes when Michael — in a rare moment of non-awkwardness in front of a crowd — seizes the mic and wins over the shareholders with a series of outrageous off-the-cuff promises, including the 45-day, 45-point plan (”One point per day!”) that doesn’t exist in any way:

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    NEW TREND: Poopy Vag Pants

    Poopy Vag Pants

    Here is an imagined conversation which we guess took place only minutes before the above snapshot was taken, between Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester and her “friend”:

    Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester: How do I look?
    Leighton Meester’s Friend: Hot.
    Leighton Meester: Seriously?
    Leighton Meester’s Friend: Hot.
    Leighton Meester: You don’t think… you don’t think it looks like I… (British accent) pooped out me v-hole?
    Leighton Meester’s Friend: You look hot.
    Leighton Meester: These pants don’t look poo-riod stained?
    Leighton Meester’s Friend: Stop. You look uhhhmeeeyyyyzzzziiiinggggg.
    Leighton Meester: Ok, then… guess I’ll wear them.

    Thus ending the tale of Leighton Meester and her Poopy Vag Pants. A photo of Leighton performing in these PP-V-P’s at the American Eagle Store Opening in Times Sq. ahead! (Via Allie Is Wired)

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    VIDEO: Jason Segel Performs “Here’s My Phone Number, Call Me And Let’s Have Sex”

    Jason Segel of Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame appeared onstage with The Swell Season, the musicians from the movie Once, in today’s “If the internet didn’t exist, we never would have seen this, so good on you internet” clip of the day.

    After lamenting the politics that led to his Dracula Musical getting snubbed by Once at the Oscars last year, Segel then performs a song giving out his phone number to college girls in case they want to have sex with him for his celebrity. Aka, the song that every musician sings, just more obviously:

    (via /Film)

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    BEST DAY EVER: Gabe Liedman Now Knows Too Much About Robert Pattinson’s Buttinson

    This week the cast of New Moon, Sarah Palin, and Levi Johnston were all competing to see who could appear in the most places possible, but they’re all apparently amateurs compared to “The Observers” on Fringe. Gabe Liedman has the proof on this episode of Best Day Ever:

    Catch another Best Day Ever with Gabe Liedman tonight at 11pm on Vh1.

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    New York Subway Still Holding Out Hope For “Hank”

    I had the privilege of sitting across from this sweet Hank ad on the subway this morning. Even though the show is now canceled, it wasn’t for the lack of a really confusing ad campaign with a paragraph of information and little cartoon pictures instead of words:

    Hank Subway Poster

    Who wouldn’t want to watch that?? Good CLOVER, Hank, try not to REDFACE!!!

    Apologies for the poorly lit photo, but I could only swallow my dignity long enough to take three phone pictures of the Hank subway ad in front of a bunch of strangers. Guess I’ll have to wait another year for my photography Pulitzer — enjoy it, lady taking picture of exploded school in Afghanistan, or whoever.

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    DISCOVERED: Rapping Worse Than That on Glee

    These White Christian rappers sangin’ about the ol’ “Christian Side Hug” is officially the worst rapping we’ve ever heard. Yes, even worse than the rapping done by Mr. Schuester on Glee. And even though the commenters at Buzzfeed have already pointed the “FAKE” finger, comedy or not, this is abysmal and needs to be stopped.

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    Ain’t No Party Like a Larry King Birthday Party

    RYAN-SEACREST-LARRY-KING

    On the top of my agenda for 2010? GET INVITED TO LARRY KING’S BIRTHDAY PARTY. Look at these lucky f**kers: Don Johnson (in the little red hat, left); Ryan Seacrest (in the feathery headpiece, Bob Mackie probably, middle); and bday boy Larry King (small red hat, faraway stare, right). Seacrest’s Twitter tells us it was an “Old Western” theme. More like Ancient Western! Tip your waitresses.

    (ps Seacrest’s profile pic = adorable.)

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    New MTV Jersey Shore Trailer Has Even Tanner Abs Than The First One

    Here’s a new trailer for MTV’s Jersey Shore, and I’ve gotta admit, this thing is teetering right on the edge of potential DVR Season Pass, if only for its refreshing super-literal descriptions of Jersey douchebags — “Eeeyyy, I’m workin’ on mah muscles here, I am a Guido!” … “I am a girl and I know I’m hot and also I party wooooo!!!!” Repeat x 1000 = show.

    Also, you can hate on that one guy all you want to, but what can you possibly say to someone who looks like Rambo pretty much with his shirt off? Check and mate:

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  • 20 November
    Friday

    Miss Gay Brazil Looks Beautiful With or Without Her Wig

    Next week, when your family begins carving their giant, succulent, juicy bird, and starts doling out the stuffing and cran, pause and reflect for just a moment on the things in life that you are really and truly thankful for this year. Then, remember that none of those things are as glorious as the clip you are about to see. Then Eat, Fart, Nap (also the title of my new book.)

    A news broadcast from Brazil brings us interview footage of Miss Gay Brazil, a beautiful, tall Leona Lewis lookalike, who clearly muss have some sorta attitude problem as another transvestite — a losing transvestite — rolls up behind her like so many Roombas and grabs her wig AND crown off in one of the most bold hair-snatchings the world has seen or will ever see. To Miss Gay Brazil’s credit, she looks beautiful with our without her weave. Also, as much as we’re laughing and loving, that sh*t had to hurt.

    (via our source for all tranny wig snatchings, DListed.)

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  • 19 November
    Thursday

    Lost Season 6 Premiere Date: Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 — GROUNDHOG DAY

    You guys, the final season of Lost has an official premiere date — Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 9:00 p.m.

    Don’t you see what this means?? THE SEASON PREMIERES ON GROUNDHOG DAY! The day that inspired a movie about the same thing happening over and over again, to kick off the final season of a show that’s been one huge time cycle of its own! This seals the deal — the series is ending with the Oceanic plane crash. It couldn’t be any clearer.

    Oh you’d LOVE us to believe it’s just some random day the network randomly gave you, Lindelof, or should I say LIE-ndelhof, is what I’d call you if you denied that — but WE KNOW THE TRUTH. Everything on Lost is happening over again!!!! Bring back Charlie, bring back Eko, bring back Brian Doyle Murray as the mayor of Punxsatawney, cause we figured out your little PREMIERE DATE CLUE. You gotta wake up PRETTY EARLY in the DAMN MORNING to fool this guy (before 10 am).

    Or…maybe the show will involve an actual groundhog:

    51318246

    Or maybe the show just picked a day. I can’t tell anything anymore, the show’s been off for so frickin’ long, I’m suffering from withdrawal. Heroin withdrawal. Unrelated to Lost. But not helping.

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