• 10 March
    Wednesday

    Don Draper Ken Doll Still Sleeps Around Despite Lack of Genitals

    The fine folks at Mattel have announced that they will be releasing a special Mad Men inspired line of Barbie dolls, including Don and Betty Draper, the silverest of foxes Roger Sterling, and Joan Holloway, who, from the looks of it, received one of Mattel’s trademarked debreastifications.

    But the truest of Mad Men fans must wonder… where are the dolls of our most beloved characters? How are we supposed to reenact Sal’s famous bellhop scene without the help of a beefy Salvatore Romano action figure? And what about Pete Campbell? Who’s going to inappropriately touch the rest of our dolls without a smarmy-faced plastic Pete? We need at least 5 more Mad Men dolls to be able to live out our most sordid of Dark-Helmet-like fantasies.

    Doll disappointments aside, we obviously adore these dolls. Though isn’t it telling that a KEN DOLL version of Don Draper is somehow still less handsome than the actual living man, Jon Hamm? No flesh-colored plastic crotch nubbin is going to keep this doll away from the bevvy of dolls flinging themselves at his feet. If you see Skipper’s convertible parked outside of the Draper home, don’t act all shocked and sh*t.

    ‘Mad Men’ Dolls in a Barbie World, but the Cocktails Must Stay Behind — NY Times

  • 10 March
    Wednesday

    You Can’t Write This Stuff: The News Talks About Caulk In The Butt

    Most working days in the news game you have to talk about stuff like the health care debate or Afghanistan. But, every now and then a special day arrives when you get to talk about a guy in New Jersey putting caulk in women’s butts. That is when it all becomes worth it:

  • 10 March
    Wednesday

    Burrito The Golfing Dog Sinks Ball in Our Heart

    File this post under “How the Hell Did We Miss This?” Earlier this morning, The Today Show announced that they were accepting applications for their 2010 “Top Dog” contest. And to motivate viewers into getting their acts together (literally, dogs on piano, dogs in tap shoes) and submit a video, they had the good sense to show us footage from past winners. Including Burrito, a chihuahua who plays golf.

    Well, OK. He sucks at golf. It takes him a good 5 tries to get the ball off the tee, all while looking up at his owner with the giant eyes of a small Mexican dog who has seen the face of the Devil. In unrelated news, it’s adorrrrable. The small bag of clubs over his shoulder really sells this one, for us.

    This post brought to you by some story from Reader’s Digest, probably.

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    Someone Please Get Gabourey Sidibe A Talk Show Called “I’d Hit That”

    Around the BWE offices we’ve been discussing what Gabourey Sidibe’s next career move should be after her Oscar nomination and it’s really been racking our brains. Personally, I think the Captain America producers should make a bold and progressive move by casting her as the hero. However, after watching this clip from the red carpet, I realized Gabourey inadvertently answered it for all of us when she saw Gerard Butler and blurted out her awesome new catch phrase, “I’d hit that.”

    It’s obvious now. Gabourey should replace Oprah when she retires with a sassy new talk show. Gabourey will talk about the celebrity gossip of the day, and whenever certain male stars are mentioned, she stops, looks at the camera, and says “I’D HIT THAT!” Then, everyone in the audience cheers and we sell a boat load of t-shirts. America already loves you, Gabourey. Let’s make them love you even more. Call us. This is a million dollar idea.

    [via Huffington Post]

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    SPOT THE DIFFERENCES: Yet Another Photo From Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” Video

    We are just days away from the premiere of Lady Gaga’s new music video and/or Verizon ad for “Telephone.” She keeps leaking new picture from the video on her website, so once again I have a new Photo Hunt puzzle to kill the time between now and Thursday night’s premiere.

    Can you spot the differences between these two pictures?

    As far as I can tell, the first photo has Pepsi cans in her hair and Coke in the second.

    [This video better be REALLY good, Gaga. I made a lot of people sit through some pretty juvenile Photoshopping thanks to you.]

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    HELP! I Am Too Horrified By Heidi Montag’s Plastic Face To Decide If This Is Funny

    Ron Howard and Funny Or Die released another video to push for a Consumer Financial Protection Agency… I think. Honestly, every time I try to watch it and see Heidi Montag I keep thinking she is one of those frightening Japanese sex robots come to life to seek revenge on mankind. Maybe her next 60 surgeries will fix all that.

    Ron, buddy, maybe its best you don’t try to sabotage your own cause with the two most hated people in America:

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    What Does a Girl Gotta Do To Get a Baby Giraffe to Get Down on His Fresh Knobby Knee and Propose?

    BREAKING HUNGARIAN NEWS: The Budapest Zoo has a new baby giraffe in its midst!! As a Hungarian (who studied abroad in Budapest), let me assure you… this is the biggest news Hungary has seen since the Battle of Mohács in 1526. Because truly, the only baby animal more important than the rise and fall of Communism are baby giraffes! From their nubby horns to their unstable walk on the pile of toothpick legs they were born with, to their little sea-horse-shaped heads to their 4 millimeter long neck-fur… I mean, really, is there any argument? They are the King of adorably unsure animal newborns.

    And despite the fact that they will grow tall enough to teabag the Lord (yes, I might be fired now), as babies they’re tiny. Like, adult Roloff sized! So little… they don’t even know his/her gender yet. Really. Who knew something as terrifying as giraffe sex could produce something so beloved.

    Just how tiny is this little he/she?

    Read the rest of this entry »

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    The Marketing Geniuses At Disney Discover Girls Are Gross And Have Cooties

    A couple weeks back, the trailer for the new animated Disney film Tangled hit the web, which is apparently based on the Rapunzel story. But why not just call it “Rapunzel”? Well the L.A. Times has an answer:

    After the less-than-fairy-tale results for its most recent animated release, “The Princess and the Frog,” executives at the Burbank studio believe they know why the acclaimed movie came up short at the box office.

    Brace yourself: Boys didn’t want to see a movie with “princess” in the title.

    This time, Disney is taking measures to ensure that doesn’t happen again. The studio renamed its next animated film with the girl-centric name “Rapunzel” to the less gender-specific “Tangled.”

    So even though Kathryn Bigelow broke an 81 year Best Director Oscar winning streak… DUDES STILL TOTALLY OWN HOLLYWOOD. High fives, dudes. We did it.

    No one wants to see some stupid princess complaining about her woman problems for two hours. We want to see swords and stones and space pirates and raining meatballs and TANGLED STUFF. “Tangled” is a movie title I can get behind. It’s strong enough for a woman, but pH balanced for manly dudes with junk.

    “Rapunzel”? What is that, a WNBA team or something? Get out of here with your “Rapunzel.” Read the sign. This clubhouse says “No girls allowed.” Dudes, lets all go see Tangled and then hit up a strip club. Guys night out!

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    TRAILER MIX: Tron Legacy, B.Y.O. Blacklight

    I’m really not sure who this movie is for. Were people demanding a Tron sequel? Or did some studio executive mistake the “Tron Guy” phenomenon for actual interest in the movie Tron? This movie could be Jeff Bridges‘ answer to Jamie Foxx following up his Oscar win with the movie Stealth.

    If I didn’t know anything about the original movie, I would have thought this was a big budget adaptation of a 5th grade birthday laser tag party. However, it has a guy dressed as Ziggy Stardust David Bowie playing air guitar on a light up hockey stick, so it can’t be THAT bad:

  • 9 March
    Tuesday

    EXCLUSIVE PEEK: Adam Lambert Goes “Down The Rabbit Hole” Tomorrow on Unplugged!

    Tomorrow, March 10, VH1.com is unveiling the first artist of many to take part in a brand new season of “Unplugged.” That artist is Adam Lambert. And while tomorrow we plan on bringing you his entire performance along with a first person behind-the-scenes account, it seemed cruel to withhold everything until it’s online air date…

    So we figured why not give you a taste of what’s to come? And what better song to whet your fappetites with than Adam’s VH1 Unplugged version of “Down the Rabbit Hole,” his acid-inspired bonus track from For Your Entertainment that seems ever so timely, given that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland made the entire GDP of Estonia in 3 days flat. Check BWE.tv tomorrow for Adam’s entire performance as well as a short printerview with yours truly…

    UPDATE: Ahead, Adam talks about the experience of taping VH1s Unplugged!

    Read the rest of this entry »