Starting a few weeks ago, I became a regular on Fox’s The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet Show — yes, creator of Spaghetti Cat — as part of a Monday morning “Weekend Wrap-Up” panel featuring myself, Celebtv’s Kelli Zink, New York radio personality Egypt, and a fourth celebrity panelist who remains “To Be Determined” until the day of taping. Last week, we were joined by former (and current) Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas… okay, not an A-lister, necessarily, but tabloid fodder no doubt.
But nothing — NOTHING – prepared me for amazingness to the awestruck power of this week’s Celebrity Guest Panelist. Because, ladies and gentlemen, joining me on yesterday’s Mike and Juliet Show was…
TIM GUNN.
Star of Project Runway and the informative Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style and the daydreams of so many. Tim Gunn… would be sitting… next. to. ME. (cue pearl clutching and salt smelling.)
Confession Time: I actually met Tim Gunn once before. At a Project Runway Season 2 Wrap Party in New York. In between meeting Chloe and Nick and Daniel V. and ignoring the plentiful appetizer trays making the rounds (I was at a fashion party, after all), I managed to consume something like 5 gratis-tinis. Which meant that in about 2 hours time, ol’ Mz. Collins was ready to take a dirt-nap in a plate of buffalo wings. But just as I was exiting the soiree, who should enter but Mr. Gunn, as sober as a Monday morning and looking the more dapper for it. My luck, I managed to catch him right at the front door, before the swarms of fashion fans sunk their claws into the man, and took advantage of the opportunity.
Michelle: (loudly) Is this an angel sent down from heaven?
Tim Gunn: (charmingly) Hello!
Michelle: (maybe slurring, but who remembers) Tim? Tim Gunn? Timmy Gunn!? (hands on each cheek, a la Home Alone) Oh how I’ve dreamed of this day… (cue 2 minutes of fawning, and a quick exit.)
Needless to say, I wouldn’t be reminding Mr. Gunn of that occasion.
Ahead… I meet Tim Gunn again, and this time, it’s official. Plus, video evidence that this story is not entirely made up!
Cut to: Monday morning, at around 8:30 am. There, in the Mike and Juliet greenroom, I met Mr. Gunn for a second time. His dreamboat status remains in tact, and it is clear that fame and adoration has not changed him one bit. After brief introductions, the director whisked us onto the set, in order for us to practice a highly complicated seat change — where Tim would walk out onto the stage, and I would have to move over a seat. (Serious stuff.) The director announced Tim’s name, and I stood up to move over. Then, the following conversation occurred:
(Tim steps onto the stage, as I change seats.)
Michelle: I hope my Spanx don’t roll down because of this. (Ed. Note: Shame? I have none.)
Tim: Are you really wearing Spanx?
Michelle: What? Three pairs! (The two laugh. They are fast friends.)
Tim: Oh, I’m jealous. I wish I could wear Spanx.
Michelle: What? Don’t say such things, you don’t need em!
Tim: I tell you, I want to invent Spanx for men… I would call them Manx. (The two continue laughing.)
And so it went. Now backstage again, the panel commisserating over mini danishes, someone asked Tim what he thought of her smart-looking jacket. “It’s Maria Pinto“, she went on, “Michelle Obama‘s favorite designers.”
Tim must have Terminator-style vision for fashion at this point, and he gave her the once over. “It’s very cute on you. I love the peplam sleeve.” She looked pleased. I needed in on the action.
“Tim…” I cut in “What do you think of my jacket? It’s Macy’s clearance rack…” I frowned.
He laughed (the laugh of a baby cherub being tickled by a peacock feather). “Did you really get that at Macy’s?”
I looked down. Defeated. “Yes.”
He went on to say some colorful things about the giant department store in Herald Square, which I won’t share so as not to add fuel to the Macy’s hate fire. He ended his mini-rant by telling all the girls we looked “fabulous”. (Wrapping up the breath of that compliment in acid-free paper and storing it in the one brain fold I hope will not be tainted by Alzheimers.)
Within minutes, the show began. We’ve spliced together a couple of moments from the taping, including an EXTREMELY MEANINGFUL arm touch at 1:09.
Please, commenters, no need to remind me that I am truly America’s nightmare, and that I’m looking more beta caroteney than usual.
And make sure to check out The Mike and Juliet Show on Mondays to see which of my favorite turtlenecks I’ve decided to feature on National Television. Rumor has it ONE OF THE BALDWIN BROTHERS will be on next Monday. Hint: It’s my Mother’s “favorite Baldwin.”
