Before you get nervous, be assured:
WE HAVE PUT ALL SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP!
Now that that’s out of the way. Project Runway reached the end of its 5th season last night, and what a fantastically “Meh” season it was. Barely a memorable challenge, only a few moments of gay comedic bliss, and the most nasally cutting voice heard on the airwaves since Nanny Fine said “I do!” to Mr. Sheffield.
Last week, Jerell was eliminated thanks to his maternity wedding gown, and so we were left with PR’s first all female finale. The ladies chose their models (featuring our favorite reality crackhead, Morgan!), and then Kenley had the nerve to give Tim Gunn, “Nicest Man In The Universe”, some lip! Little did she know this would eventually come back to bit her in the ass.
But let’s skip over all the outfit choosing and dog pooping drama and cut directly to the chase: THE RUNWAY SHOW.
After the jump, I show you my favorite pieces, as well as outfits that would only look good on a 19-pound model.
KENLEY’S COLLECTION
My Favorite Look:
I’m a sucker for big-ass collars, so you can imagine my pure delight when witnessing this divine creation head down the runway. Most of the other stuff in Kenley’s collection was cute, though nothing I would ever consider, you know, actually wearing.
Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:
Gigantic Fake Hips really only work on women who very likely cannot bear children. See, above.
Kenley Rip-Off Part 2:
(Photo via MyIThings)
This is the real drama of the night: The judge’s accuse Kenley of ripping off her looks from other designers. Last week, it was her wedding gown, which was an almost exact knock-off of Alexander McQueen. This week, the above dress… which really and truly looks like a 2nd grade art class knock-off of the Balenciaga version. What are the odds she came up with all of these ideas herself? And does she not know by now that one cannot fool the all-knowing Nina Garcia? GAH KENLEY! YOU ARE THE MOST FRUSTRATING PERSON ON REALITY TELEVISION.
Moving along… Korto’s collection:
My Favorite Look:
No really. I love this. If I owned this dress, I would eat, sleep and prance in it.
Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:
The only way to make this dress work on a “real” body is by mummifying yourself in Saran Wrap and then covering THAT in anywhere from 5-7 pairs of Spanx. Because let’s face it: The only type of woman who could pull the above dress of is a newborn premie. But man… what a sexy-ass premie.
Korto’s collection was my personal favorite when it comes down to “various things I would actually wear”. I loved her fabrics and cuts, and thought it was overall a very beautiful ready-to-wear collection. Her main problem: It was missing that extra punch of Pizazz that a Project Runway winner makes. Which leads us tooooo:
LEANNE:
My Favorite Look:
To be fair, my favorite look was the wedding gown. But we’ve all seen that. So believe it or not, I am feelin this insane stomach-baring chest with gorgeous white slacks (yeah, that’s right, slacks.) I might even buy a pair to dress up my otherwise casual Swiffer Wetjet.
Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:
Guess what I don’t need flapping around my ass? Flaps. Hundred of them.
OK SPOILER PEOPLE: TAKE A DEEP BREATH: LEANNE WON. And deservedly so. Her collection was the most innovative, the most elegant, and the cleanest. But let’s face it: The girl does petals. That’s her thing? Can she do things that don’t involve petals? Maybe. And by maybe, I mean definitely not. It’s pretty much the only thing we’ve seen her do all season!
Now, it’s your turn: What did you think of the finale? Any Kenley supporters out there? Feel free to voice your disapproval.
