- Beverly Hills Chihuaha earned $29 million this weekend to top the box office, narrowly edging out Close-Up Animals With A Wide Angle Lens Wearing Hats.
- Disney threw a huge sweet sixteen party for Miley Cyrus this weekend, giving her $5 off the Disney World gate price, a personalized license plate keychain, and all the Chip n’ Dale fudge bars she could eat (for 9 Disney Dollars apiece).
- Eddie Van Halen got engaged to longtime girlfriend Janie Liszewski, who is either his manager or a giant novelty whiskey flask.
- The Chicago Cubs were swept out of the playoffs by the Dodgers, prolonging their 100-year World Series drought for at least another season. I believe this calls for a traditional Nelson Muntz “ha ha!”
- Clint Eastwood claimed that his Changeling star Angelina Jolie is “hampered by her gorgeous face.” I couldn’t agree more, especially with all those recent Best Actress Oscars going to hags like Charlize “Butterface” Theron, “Unf*ckable” Halle Berry, Reese “Gotta Be a Dude or a Burn Victim or Both” Witherspoon, etc.
- Also, the fact that the Mamma Mia! movie is STILL averaging $14 million a week in the foreign box office is enough justification for the U.S. to bomb any country from here on out. Yes, even after the Chihuahua thing.
