Sure, Francis Ford Coppola (or, as we prefer to call him, Franky FoCo) may have directed one of the best movies of all time (no, not Tucker: The Man and His Dream), but that doesn’t mean he’s above talking smack about three of America’s finest actors: Pacino, De Niro and Nicholson, oh my! He calls Pacino cheap, Deniro a copycat, Jack a spoiled brat, and all three of them greedy. Crack open a miniature can of Coppola wine and get a load of this:

Pacino and De Niro… were young and insecure. Now Pacino is very rich, maybe because he never spends any money; he just puts it in his mattress. De Niro was deeply inspired by (Coppola’s studio American) Zoetrope and created an empire and is wealthy and powerful. Nicholson was — when I met him and worked with him — he was always kind of a joker. He’s got a little bit of a mean streak.

I don’t know what any of them want anymore. I don’t know that they want the same things. Pacino always wanted to do theater … (He) will say, ‘Oh, I was raised next to a furnace in New York, and I’m never going to go to L.A.,’ but they all live off the fat of the land.

Some might ask Coppola how he has challenged himself lately. (Ed. Note: Oh Snap!) He admits he has been focused on his vineyard and on his resorts in Belize and Guatemala.

Whoa, whoa, Franky, what the FoCo are you talking about? Accusing these guys of living off the fat of the land, while you are literally living off the grapey fat of the Guatemalan land?

And how dare — how dare — you insult these three fine actors, when you’ve been living off the Godfather series for the past 35 years? Sure, you directed Apocalypse Now, but you also made Jack, the movie about an adult man living with the pain of Robin Williams’ acting technique in his body. And while, yes, De Niro managed to squeeze out a few paychecks acting in less than stellar comedies, at least he’s still acting, and not crushing grapes with his undoubtedly wide potamus-feet.

Though, to FoCo’s cred, he did just manage to insult three of the only remaining Hollywood actors who probably still have mob ties. In which case, are you innnsannne?

Seriously, begin sending your cold cut plates to Sofia as soon as you can… this isn’t going to end well.