Now that A.J. Soprano is off the air and Vincent Chase is kicking back for a presumably poorly acted offseason, I have been left without a current television nemesis upon whom to dump my irrational, way-too-involved fan hatred. That was, until last night’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” premiere, when Cheryl Hines’ character took her “never defending or trusting her husband ever” dynamic that had become somewhat uncomfortable to watch in Season 5 of the show to new, unlikeable heights, earning her the prestigious distinction as my current least favorite character among the tv shows I watch (henceforth known as the “Anthony Soprano Memorial Trophy”)
The clinching incident came when Larry, Jeff Garlin, and Super Dave Osbourne and their respective wives were playing the Newlywed Game at an awkward, imprompyu party, and the question was “if you had to choose one of your friends’ wives or girlfriends to sleep with, who would it be?” The host quickly answers his own wife, which his wife had guessed correctly, and they kiss, then Larry goes next and picks Richard Lewis’ attractive new girlfriend. Cheryl is immediately appalled, and everyone else at the party starts yelling at Larry for his apparent insensitivity, and the situation resolves when Larry, locked out of the bedroom by Cheryl, agrees to adopt a hurricane-stranded family as a favor to his wife.
Now, I’m not married or anything, but I have listened to “Pet Sounds” a whole bunch of times, so I think I know a little something about love. I feel like if myself and the person I end up marrying are playing the Newlywed game at a party, and that question came up and I answered “why you, of course, sweetie”, my wife would either roll her eyes or make deserved fun of me. What relationships are so insecure that a guy can’t mention another woman in a goofy, throwaway atmosphere without his longtime life partner immediately assuming he’s a horrible human, instead preferring some lame-ass cutesie answer like “even in stupid party game I only pick my wittle pookie!”, and then using that appalled-ness as leverage to get something she wants?
Obviously, I realize that each character on the show is an inflated version of an actual human being, and that Larry David’s character quite often makes a conscious effort to be an A-hole, but in Season 5 and even more so in last night’s episode, why does Cheryl always refuse to ever defend him or see his side of anything? Instead of playing a “wait a second” kind of moderator, she’s the first of many voices yelling at him every time he points out Wanda Sykes’ ass or interrupts sex for a life-altering phone call. In a show of bombastically drawn characters that even centers around a protagonist without morals or compassion, Cheryl still manages to draw my remote-tossing ire almost every time she opens her mouth. Does this make me a misogynist? Or do I just not understand marriages? Or am I just way too attached to “Curb,” like I am to “The Office,” “Conchords,” and “Lost”?
(Answers: Yes; Yes; Heeeelllllll no, there’s no such thing)
