27 January
Wednesday

Ozzy Baby!

What happens when you set Ozzy Osbourne’s new autobiography next to a baby in a Black Sabbath t-shirt? I’m not entirely sure, but it’s adorable:

Bonus Ozzy Baby pic, after the jump:

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27 October
Tuesday

Should I Spend $500 On A Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Ticket, Or Continue Living?

Rock and Roll Hall of FameAmong the many perks of working for VH1 — aside from the David Wallace visits — are occasional global emails offering employees tickets to exclusive events and concerts, sometimes at a reduced rate.

Sometimes, however, these emails are insane. Today, we received one such insane email, offering tickets to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame anniversary show for a very the opposite of reasonable price:

There are a pair of tickets available to RRHOF on Friday, Oct 30.
Section 5, Row L, Seats 1-2

$499.50/each [emphasis mine]

U2, Metallica, Eric Clapton, Aretha Franklin, Ozzy Osbourne and special guests

First come, first served. If you don’t receive a response, tickets have been sold.

First come first served??? Better hurry before an MTV Networks freelance employee with a spare $999 lying around jumps on this offer! A chance to see five legendary artists (four of whom still tour constantly) each perform like a song and a half in front of a crowd of super-rich people and industry execs for the low, low price of A THOUSAND DOLLARS? What an offer!

Sadly, instead of buying the tickets, I have decided to live in New York City for an additional month without starving.

Seriously, though — not to sound like some uber-artistic “it’s about the music!” whiner or someone with no understanding of basic Capitalism, is there anything that is less “rock n’ roll” than shelling out $1,000 to see a bunch of bands pay tribute to each other at a Hall of Fame for themselves?

Ok, fine, this. But otherwise, no.

[UPDATE: Eric Clapton is sick and has dropped out of the concert. Now I'm refusing to pay a DIME over $975]

11 March
Wednesday

10 Celebrity Couples We Actually Like

With the recent second-breakup of Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel, Hollywood has lost another one of its precious few super-likable couples. Often times we forget that for every easy-to-rip-on Hollywood gossip pairing — from Tom & Katie to Heidi & Spencer to Cameron Diaz & A Weekly Roofied Twentysomething — there’s another rational celeb couple living something resembling a sane and normal existence (actually the ratio is closer to 80 crazy couples : 1 kind-of-sane couple, but you get the idea).

In the spirit of celebrating rather than complaining for a change, here’s our list of 10 Celebrity Couples That We Actually Like:
10. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett

Further proof that two funny, attractive people can find each other in this crazy world. Just like Gallagher and Mrs. Gallagher, or Andrew Dice Clay and Some Unfortunate Woman.

 

WillAmy_Orig.jpg 
9. Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick

Couldn’t be more New York if the Empire State Building f*cked the Carnegie Deli.

 

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5 January
Monday

Sharon Osbourne Is A Lady

Sharon Osbourne, the height of charm and class, hosted this season of Charm School on Vh1, which featured rejected bad girls from Rock Of Love. Now, I’m not sure if you watched it at all (I only did occasionally, for some reason it was always on whenever I flew JetBlue in the past month, and that’s what I would end up watching), but the reunion had an amazing fight break out between Sharon and lover of retarded dogs, Megan. She was wasted, wearing a bikini. Mrs Osbourne tells Megan that she thinks she shouldn’t be allowed to breed, and then Megan comes back with some bleeped out comment about Ozzy…right at the 1:15 mark, and then this starts to get amazing:

At the end in the chaos, you hear Sharon say “You can say whatever about me, I don’t give a sh*t, but NOT my family.” Boom.

3 November
Monday

Just Two Ladies Enjoying a Cup of Tea and a Dainty Biscuit

SLASH AND OZZY TEA.JPG

You know what? No. Just… It’s Monday morning, post-Halloween, pre-Election. I can’t.

Why was this even a photoshoot? Would someone, preferable Ozzy Osbourne or Slash, care to explain? And why are Ozzy’s feet so small???

21 February
Thursday

Wait, Is Rihanna British?

From A SOCIALITES LIFE — Those Brits are so nutty. The red carpet for the Brit Awards proved just that. Check out these creative ensembles, after the jump!

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26 September
Wednesday

CAPTION THIS: Look At Me, I’m Biting The Head Off of AIDS!

Ozzy and Elton

Even though they’re teaming up for an AIDS benefit, Elton John still hasn’t forgiven Ozzy Osbourne for turning him into a vampire.

20 June
Wednesday

SIZZLER: Paris Hilton and Jack Osbourne Possible Knocked Up Inspiration?

OZZY PARIS HILTON.JPGYes, now we are certain: Paris Hilton has a lot to think about during her prison stay. Namely, the hundreds of men she slept with in an effort to secure her bragging rights as Most Visiting Vagina, Over 1 Billion Served. Today’s edition of this fun little game involves one of the unlikeliest candidates we ever thought would sleep with anyone, let alone Paris Hilton… that man being Jack Osbourne. No, seriously, Jack Osbourne, son of Ozzy, has had sex with Paris Hilton. Forgive our surprise, but clearly he is so much better than she is — we can’t believe Jack stooped that low!

OZZY and SHARON OSBOURNE have revealed that son JACK once bedded jailbird PARIS HILTON. The pair outed Jack’s secret when [reporter Victoria Newton] caught up with them in Ozzy’s dressing room before last night’s triumphant Wembley Arena gig. Ozzy said: “Paris was always hanging around our house. I’m not sure if she was a friend of KELLY or AMY — which one was it, Sharon?” Sharon looked a bit sheepish and stumbled over her words as she replied: “She was Jack’s, erm, friend.” Ozzy’s jaw dropped and he exclaimed: “He didn’t shag her, did he? Well done, my son!”

Aww — they’re such a right knit family! And it’s sort of exactly like the movie Knocked Up, minus the Jewish angst, comedy, and baby. Though, between us, how amazing would their child look? It would be like a little brainless chubby British school child with a perma-ring of chocolate around its mouth.

30 May
Wednesday

While You Were Paying Your Last Respects to Shrubby…

dina loh baby1.JPG

  • If you’re dying to know where Lindsay Lohan inherited her slutty genes from, look no further than this baby picture of the girl, who is seen in the arms of a frosty-faced Southern prostitutey lookin lady, Dina Lohan. If only that terrified baby’s face would have lasted to 21.
  • American Idol winner Jordin Sparks tried to pull an Ethel Merman by claiming she had never had any formal vocal training. Strangely, her old voice teacher seems to disagree. One more strike in her already fully-notched “phony jerk” column!
  • In the meantime, what kind of world are we living in when the only person defending the truly talented and adorable AI winner Kelly Clarkson is the New York Post? They’ve got some choice words for billion-dollar sausage face Clive Davis.
  • And continuing with the AI theme, Ozzy Osbourne quickly canceled his AI finale performance last week when he learned he would have to duet with Sanjaya! Too bad, we’ve been waiting months for someone to bite his head off. It’s a shame they couldn’t bring Beethoven back from the dead for the big duet!
  • Finally, Britney Spears has started advertising her services on a trucker hat.
15 May
Tuesday

LISTEN UP: VH1 To Do Music-Related Thing

Ozzy Osbourne

  • For possibly the first time ever, VH1 is arbitrarily honoring a bunch of random classic rock bands. Speed of Dark hooks us up with mp3s from Peter Gabriel, ZZ Top, Phil Collins, and one of my closest high school chums, Black Sabbath.
  • For those of you (read: me for many years) who only know Herbie Hancock as a “Tommy Boy” punchline or an infomercial stereo salesman, check out these innovative scratch/funk tunes he recorded in the early 80s. I love listening to them while I’m checking the specs on the… rotary… girder… I’m retarded. (Azltron)
  • Holy crap, Elliott Smith speaks to us from beyond the grave! It’s like a musical Ouija board, only you don’t have to cheat to keep it from being a complete waste of time. (An Aquarium Drunkard)
  • Dreamtimemix has a mashup from DJ Clivester that throws together The Beatles, Duran Duran, and Eric B. & Rakim. Toss in The Ultimate Warrior and Legion of Doom, and you’ve got yourself a Royal Rumble.
  • LCD Soundsystem’s 7-minute Brian Eno-ish ditty “Get Innocuous” has already secured its place as one of my favorite songs of 2007, which is weird, because I don’t have an attention span for anything anymore unless it takes place on a magical island, in a Scranton office, or in Jersey’s mob world. (Fluxblog)