Davey Salms (what everyone calls him) appeared on the Tonight Show last night for Lion Cub Part II: Bigger And Could-Easily-Kill-You-er. Part three of the saga will just be The Lion King verbatim:
After the jump, Animalfest Part II, including a bear who loves marshmallows (SPOILER):
South African Zoologist Kevin Richardson was spotted having an illicit skinny dipping session with one local lioness. She was supposed to be tending to her cubs while her lion was out huntin’ and a’gather. So when she noticed the cameras around… she had no choice…
These photos of a lion named Jamu getting pampered in Johannesburg, South Africa are about as prosh as it gets, and yet more proof that lions would make wonderful spooners… should their “Jeffrey Dahmer” lobe be removed from their 78-pound lion brains.
But perhaps the most surprising thing about these photos, other than the fact that the man pictured in them still has all ten fingers, is the startling resemblance between this lion and the one and only Barry Gibb:
Just seven months after not-beloved Pittsburgh Steelers mascot Steely McBeam was caught driving under the influence, the person inside the Penn State Nittany Lion suit has now also been charged with a DUI, extending the disturbing streak of goofy Western/Central PA mascot drunk driving incidents in 2008 to… well, two. But that’s two more than most years.
Because DUIs are never funny, I opted to leave the vomit out of the following Photoshopped picture:
In the same year, the football mascots from my hometown and my alma mater have both been caught drunk driving — is this a random coincidence, or does dancing around in a suit for five hours cause someone to drink excessively and because they’re mascots and have to bring their suits home they can’t walk or use public transportation? Also, who the f*ck ever needs to drive anywhere at Penn State, especially when they’re drinking? Almost everything is walking distance and a cab diagonally across the entire down of State College costs like $4.
I digress. I just hope this dude has to do a push-up for every one of the thousand hours of community service in his sentence.
“A lion rides a horse in a circus show in Xiamen in southeast China’s Fujian province Tuesday Sept. 30, 2008. The circus shows are being held during a golden week holiday to mark China’s National Day, the 59th anniversary of the founding of communist China.”
In a word: Yup. I’m also amazed at how strangely relaxed that Lion looks, as though the God’s entire animal plan hasn’t just been turned upside down and kicked in the face.
Sony Pictures is planning to base a feature film on the story of Christian the Lion, a domesticated lion cub who was re-ingratiated into the wild by his adopters in the early 70s. If this story sounds familiar, you may have been one of the 13 million people to watch the popular Youtube video of said lion experience:
I’m in favor of bringing the Free Willy story to a new generation as much as I’m in favor of hugging lions, but I’m also worried that this could this set a terrible precedent of popular Youtube videos being snatched up by studios and made into feature films. Some examples of movies we do not need to see in theaters:
Hard Chocolate Rain (starring Randy Quaid as Tay Zonday)
Alvin and the Dramatic Chipmunks
Charlie Kaufman Bit Me
Grape Lady Expecations
Evolution of Dance (starring Orlando Jones and David Duchovny)
Star Wars: The Clone Wars Kid
Numa Numa York, Numa Numa York
All right, so I would watch each and every one of these movies. I withdraw my objection.
