For those of you needing proof that no matter what, when, how, who, where, why or which way you cut it, Beyonce cannot act, allow us to present to you the music video for “Telephone,” Lady Gaga’s latest single featuring Mz. Knowles in her stiffest performance yet.

But why let Beyonce ruin what could possibly be the best female prison product placement commercial of modern times? If you think that opening the video up in a women’s prison with Gaga writhing around behind bars while in the nude in between making out with the other lady inmates seems cutting edge, let the numerous product placements throughout assure you that, no, in fact, it’s just one long lady-loving infomersh. From Virgin Mobile to Diet Coke, from Wonderbread to Polaroid to Miracle Whip (seriously?) (yes.), even Q-Tarantino’s Pussywagon gets an appearance. Thankfully, Queer Eye’s Jai Rodriguez also gets to product place his face as a local newsanchor.

Gaga says the video was inspired by Tarantino, but it ends up feeling like a poor imitation. Love the girl, but between the ads and Beyonce, we fear this “Telephone” video may have been a slight misstep in an otherwise fabulous run.

Language and “adult situations” might not be safe for work, unless you’re a female prison guard, in which case congratulations, this is your time in the sun, soak it up!