Michael Jackson. Farah Fawcett. Billy Mays. Walter Cronkite. Now, the year of celebrity tragedies continues with the biggest shocker of them all — the death of Britain’s famous 64-pound carp, Benson.
According to this news report, Benson survived getting caught 63 times (they must have one hell of a size restriction) but couldn’t survive eating “uncooked nuts.” Fortunately, his owner maintains a wry, British sense of humor about the death, and the nut-murderer will get away scot-free:
Expect the fish nut-murder story to make its way into a Law & Order episode sometime next season. Armand Assante will play the fish.
I thought the people of the Netherlands were supposed to be all cool and laid-back and not running super graphic commercials about cutting the guts out of strippers?
Incidentally, I understand the fish-gutting / human-gutting comparison, but what does being a stripper have to do with anything? Also, holy f*ck. (SFW, but graphic):
I’m glad Videogum has also been WTF-ized by this new McDonald’s commercial, which features a wall-mounted singing novelty fish being somehow more annoying than real-life singing novelty fish and quickly achieving “I automatically change channel one second in” status after I’d seen it, like, twice (even Saved By Zero took three viewings before I went insane).
An open point of advice to McDonald’s, Coca-Cola, et al — please leave attempts at offbeat viral marketing to smaller companies with some awareness of what isn’t annoying, because you ALWAYS f*ck it up and we have to suffer the consequences:
I sometimes wonder if all the “Wacky Newzz” features on websites simply give us more access to ridiculous news stories, or if the existence of these features actually inspires criminals to go out of their way to commit the most bizarre crimes possible.
Long story short, a dude was arrested for stealing a shark and an eel — note the cryptic last line in this story and its Troy McClure-like fish-fetish implications:
30-year-old Long Island native Elbert Starks was arrested yesterday for allegedly shoplifting a live shark from Total Aquarium in Lynbrook. Police say the heist took place last month, when Starks—a sex offender on probation—grabbed a $350 nurse shark from a tank, put it into his jacket, and drove it to a new home in his apartment’s aquarium. (The shark survived!) Starks is also accused of using a credit card stolen from another pet shop to buy a 2-foot-long green moray eel for $300, which he put in the tank with the shark. An employee tells the Post, “This guy obviously has a thing for fish.”
Not to state the obvious here, but how the hell does someone successfully steal a live shark? Is this dude a Carmen Sandiego villain? Someone better go check and make sure he hasn’t taken the Lincoln Memorial too.
Also – I normally don’t like to copy-paste this much straight text from someone else’s website, but I’m sorry, that story just kept getting better and better.
Oh you Jonahs Brothers! What lovely, flowing locks you have. What amazingly eclectic ensembles you’re wearing. I’m glad you have purity rings. Really throws the ladies off.
Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitty. Roarrrrrr. OK, I have two thoughts with a photo like this. One being, that is adorably Darwin-ish and second. Those teeth with eat your heart out. Literally.
See the rest of today’s pics, after the jump! (more…)
I sometimes wonder if all the “Wacky Newzz” features on websites simply give us more access to ridiculous news stories, or if the existence of these features actually inspires criminals to go out of their way to commit the most bizarre crimes possible. 
