Good news, ladies. This year’s Emmy Award Broadcast will be roughly 4000% improved over last year’s, for one very dimpled reason: 2009 sees the nomination of the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the Fellowship, in the form of Phil Keoghan. That’s because, for the first time in his long and oh so handsome career, Phil has scored a much deserved Emmy nomination for Best Host of The Amazing Race, the only reality program that does not require post-show guilt-ridden hot acid baths.

While Phil is an incredible host — funny, charming, commanding, etc. — he also realizes that he’s got a bit of a way with the ladies, much like Chris O’Donnell did in The Bachelor.  So when it comes to milkin’ this cow for all it’s worth, Phil has got has mouth on the teet of success.  Check out what he just happened to be doing when he found out about the nomination:

Talk about keeping things real.

When Phil Keoghan got the call Thursday telling him he’d been nominated for an Emmy, the host of “The Amazing Race” says he was standing in his garage in his underwear, scraping the walls in preparation for a home renovation.

Perhaps it was his way of not appearing overconfident as he waited for word on whether he’d scored a nomination for best reality show host. After all, the genial New Zealander had been passed over last year when the category was added to the Emmys.

That, despite the fact that his show, “The Amazing Race,” has won the award for best reality show every year since 2003.

“I missed out and I felt like the orphan in the production,” he recalled with a laugh.

So there you have it ladies/Emmy Voters of Any Gender: Phil was just remodeling his home wearing underwear, likely a tool belt, a sweat vest, kid gloves, a feathered cap, and nothing else. Sh*t, with a description like that, fellow nominee Ryan Seacrest will probably vote for the bastard.

So sorry, fellow crush and nominee Tom Bergeron, but it’s gonna be pretty hard to beat a man who made the following GIF possible:

More Phil Underwear Stills Here.

10. Vincent Van Gogh. More like Vincent Van Gokey. Ironically, not a big Taylor Hicks fan though.

9. Frank Drebbin. We blame Frank for most things, but specifically for getting Allison voted off.

8. Marlee Matlin Soon to be starring in a movie entitled “Children of a Lesser Lambert”.

7. Lou Ferrigno. Bet you didn’t know Lou Ferrigno was deaf… and you definitely didn’t know that the only thing Hulk don’t smash are his Gokey cassettes. (Hulk no own MP3 player.)

 
6. David Lynch on Twin Peaks. Guess who else reminds Gordon Cole of a small Mexican Chiwowow? Allison Iraheta, obvs.

5. James “Deaf” Burke. We’re feeling this clever nickname given to 19th Century boxer James Burke. Not quite as much as “Deaf” was feeling Kris’ “Come Together” cover this week, apparently.

4. Marlee Matlin on “Seinfeld”. Unlike real life Marlee Matlin, Seinfeld’s Marlee Matlin — the ball girl — is actually a Gokey fan. Here’s to hoping they sweep together in the coming future.

3. Ludwig van Beethoven. Possibly the only musician more adorable than Kris Allen himself…

2. This Guy. Who is actually adorable, and very possibly Adam Lambert wearing a “Men in Black” style people costume.

1. Luke on The Amazing Race. The only thing he doesn’t need his Mom for is daydreaming about Adam.

Now, out of the 4 teams that were left, let’s face it: Only two were mildly tolerable. You had the adorable Chinese sister and brother team, Tammy and Victor, who struck gold these last couple of weeks as the challenges have all taken place in China, and Keisha and Jen, another sibling twosome who, despite a crushing fear of water and deaf people, have remained likable even through the hardest of challenges. And then, the other two teams: Luke and Margie, the deaf son and overbearing, prune-faced mother, who prove that even people with disabilities can be giant assh*les, and the red-headed cheerleaders who hate all other cultures and decided to go on a race around the world, Cara and Jaime. Oh, how we loathe Cara and Jaime. Specifically Jaime.

Ahead, the recap continues — with video — and a question for the ages: Would You Pee Yourself On National Television For $1 Million?

Keisha and Jen came in 4th last week during the elimination fake-out, so they were already at a disadvantage. And then, Tammy and Victor had the nerve to “U-Turn” them, forcing them to complete the other half of the “Detour” challenge. They should have U-turned Luke and Margie, because even though the sisters might be fast runners, they are also not psychopathic blood-thirsty race winners. But K&J stayed strong, and even managed to show-up at the Road Block in 3rd place.

Oh, and that Road Block: One member of the teams was forced to eat deep fried crickets, larvae, starfish, a whole shmorgasbord of oil-infused creepy crawlies. But, for the first time in Race history, not a single-team moaned and groaned about consuming these things. Whereas I would have been curled up on the ground like a half-dead caterpillar, the teams stayed strong: Only Jen needed the help of water to force the goods down, stopping momentarily to barf and then continued as regularly scheduled. Even the cheerleader — THE CHEERLEADER — powered through with nary a complaint. They really must be hungry.

But still, Keisha and Jen powered through. They finished the eating challenge and cabbed it over to the Bird’s Nest, the famously beautiful Olympic stadium where Phil and his fateful map would be waiting. And despite what those crafty Race editors would have you believe, it really seemed like K&J would make it into the Top 3 teams, despite all the obstacles that stood in their way. And then? Then…

Jen had to pee. Real bad. I mean, Jen really had to go. Wearing an opera kimono and a face full of makeup that would have Princess Amidala reaching for the Noxema. And Keisha, being the supportive older sister, ALLOWED HER. Let us relive that moment together, yes?

Sorry, sorry, wrong clip…

If it were my ass on the line, I would have dragged her and her exploding bladder to the mat and let nature take its course. But no. Jen peed. And in the interim, the red-headed cheerleaders whom America has come to despise go to the mat first… and Keisha and Jen were eliminated. Now, to be fair, it looked like their cabbie dropped them off quite a bit further from the mat than the other teams, but still. We blame the sisters.

Which leads us to today’s Open Thread topic: How many of you would have peed yourself on national television for a shot at $1 million? While wearing a practically floor length kimono? Especially after you already barfed on TV? I’d like to think I would have, but we are still people and not animals, right?

I would have. Even if it meant that Phil had to see a stream of urine puddling at the anks. And now? We’ve only got Tammy and Victor left.

(Watch the full episode here if you missed it.)

Sinister is a nice way of putting it. On last night’s episode, Margie and Luke got into a heated argument with sister team Keisha and Jen after Luke body-checked Jen by a clue box, throwing a decidedly flamboyant elbow into the poor girl’s face. Jen, in response, called him a “bitch.” Worse words have clearly been said about Luke; frankly, “Bitch” was putting it nicely. But before you can sign “You are team number… 1″ with your hypnotically expressive eyebrows, Luke attacks Jen yet again by another clue box! This time pushing her directly into the box itself. And then… the the following pit stop argument took place. Infuriating is putting it lightly:

Ahead, my take on the situation…

A couple of things to note:

1. The whole reason Luke claims to have gone on this race is so that he could be treated like a normal person, and not just someone who is impaired. He wanted to prove that he is as able to perform the tasks as anyone else. Well, little word to Luke: Most people, disabilities aside, do not act like a**holes. (On second thought, a lot of people act like a**holes, but forget that for a second.) Rarely has any Amazing Racer gotten physical with someone else in a challenge. So deaf or not deaf, you are, in fact, a bitch.

2. While I can understand Margie staunchly defending her son, her twisting of the story is pretty despicable. Keisha and Jen, dare I say, actually acted like LADIES on the mat. They did their best not to throw a tantrum, and their smiling in Margie’s face was called for. “You should understand because you’re black”?!?!?!?! STFUUUUU MARGIE. It should not be wrong to laugh at Luke, not because he is deaf, but because he is ridiculous.

3. Considering how The Amazing Race penalizes people (people = midgets, in this case) for various race f**kery (using personal items to pay tabs; sabotaging other teams), shouldn’t PUSHING ANOTHER PLAYER and throwing an elbow be cause for some sort of penalty? Forget even the rules of the show… imagine the DRAMZ. (I’m salivating as I type.) (ps RIP Tiny Guys, you were fun, and you loved Thai trannies.)

4. As my pal Ben put it: Karma Duck is a gift from God. If it wasn’t for Karma Duck biting that idiot’s hand during the challenge, the episode would have been without its usual pleasures. So thank you, Chinese Fish Retrieving Duck. Thank you for making the show enjoyable again.

5. Some of you might be Team Margie and Luke. And that’s fine. But there’s just something about them that skeeves.

OK guys, let’s debate who was in the right and wrong in the comments. And, as always, feel free to call us, Philly Kay-Kay.

But last night, producers readjusted their angel wings and buffed their heaven’s bugles to a mighty shine, as they delivered American a golden goose egg of unthinkable dream fodder: We finally got to see hot host Phil Keoghan IN HIS UNDERWEAR. (Ed. Note: Yes, I am a creep.)

Here are some screencaps, along with what we heard Phil saying as the scene played out:

You’d never see that eunuch Probst do this shit.

And if those photos aren’t good enough, enjoy this GIF created by a user on gossip blog ONTD:

Watch the full episode here.

Let’s take a moment to discuss last night’s premiere of The Amazing Race 14. It was. UHMAYZING. The 11 teams, which include TAR’s first deaf racer, two miniature stuntmen, and screenwriter Mike White and his gay pastor Dad, were whisked away to Switzerland, where right off the bat, one team member was forced to bungee jump off of a gigantic dam (the second longest jump in the world.) Perhaps it was “First Challenge Adrenaline”, but there were many less nervy b-downs than we would have expected.

No, the real fun last night… was The Cheese Challenge. Contestants had to climb up a steep, slippery hill wearing wooden cheese backpacks, the goal being to get 4 100-pound wheels of cheese from the top of the hill to the bottom. Those famous cheese knapsaks must have been made of balsa wood, because barely any of them survived the girth that is basically a cheese Olsen twin. In fact, none of the teams did what seemed to make the most sense: Roll 4 wheels down the incline and pick up the wheels at the bottom of the hill. The only team that had even a shred of common sense were the heart-breaking rednecks, who were smart enough to turn their backpack into a cheese sled and slide multiple wheels down at once.

Oh, I forgot to mention one thing: The Cheese Challenge was f**king hilarious. If you missed it… here it is (well, most of it):

Who are you guys rooting for? I’m liking most of the teams so far… though I’m guessing I’ll hate the football cheerleaders in — oh, wait — ok, I already hate them. That was fast.

And sadly, their fate was sealed. They were so behind, in fact, that the adorable Phil had to take his leather-clad ass miles away from the Pit Stop to deliver the heartbreaking news.

More importantly, this mean’s that this season’s requisite “bumbling idiots”, Andrew and Dan, have now made it to the Top 3. Which should ensure a pretty entertaining albeit clumsy finale. (If you missed last night’s episode, check it out over at CBS.com)

Amazing Race Lesson #2? Never, Ever Take Nude Photos of Yourself.

Apparently, this guy never learns.

But the show is REALLY not doing themselves any favors with the following promo for Sunday night’s brand new episode. The teams go to Kazakhstan! Nice? Not really, when the promo has been Boratified.

Here’s to hoping one of the challenges is “Finding an ATM Machine”:

If this promo was last year around this time, this post would have been entitled “The Amazing Race: Fresh, Funny & GENIUS!”

Check out MCC in Cape Disappointment at PS. 122 in NYC!