Catch another Best Day Ever with Gabe Liedman tonight at 11pm on Vh1.

Catch another new episode of Best Day Ever with Joe and Noah tonight at 11pm on VH1.

Check out another new episode of Best Day Ever tonight at 11pm on VH1.

This has proven quite difficult for me, a bona fide “television addict”, as I putter around the house arranging things like an expectant war widow gearing up for the big reunion. My evenings which were previously filled with a slew of A&E reality programming, House Hunter International marathons, every and any piece of garbage Bravo decides to put on air, and of course EVERY VH1 SHOW EVER CREATED ALWAYS, were now being spent in entirely new ways: Going out to… dinner… with people, “walking around”, grocery shopping… reading. It’s new and confusing territory for me, but one day at a time. One day at a time.

Here’s the upside: My pal does, actually, have a TV and DVD player, and despite its lack of a cable connection, I’m making due for myself. For example, during a recent trip to Target, I noticed that both seasons 1 and 2 of the 90s hit sitcom Martin were on sale for a mere $19.99. Being of a certain breed myself (= hoarding Jew), I couldn’t turn this down.

The Martin DVD’s have proved invaluable to me, keeping me retro company when I have no choice but to stay indoors. Certain episodes — particularly one entitled “Variety Show” — have reminded me what things like Wild Hogs made me forget: That Martin Lawrence is a true comedy genius.

The only… slight… issue I seem to be facing with this Martin arrangement I have going for myself is that of the DVD menu, which plays the Martin theme song over… and over… and over again, mad infinitum. So there I’ll be, laughing and drifting off into sleep, only to wake up 4 hours later with blood pouring out of my ears as the “wikkka wika wikkka wika wikkka wika wikkka wika” record scratching Freddy Krueger’s its way into my subconscious. I’m basically suffering from MPTSD.

So while all of you privileged cable subscribers were privy to all of Heidi and Tim Gunn’s fabulous ways last night, I was getting the noose ready set to this hilarious theme music. Won’t you sample my pain for but 30 seconds?

Those of you in LA! I’ll be performing next Wednesday night, 8/26, at Laughing with the Stars with Tom Arnold at the Laugh Factory! Very excited about this, and would love to see you there. You can buy tickets here!

That is until the 25 second mark, when The Button Man makes a two-second appearance, transforming the entire video into awesome. Watch from the beginning for max buildup:

Maybe I found that funnier than most people, but I’ve already re-watched that part a dozen times and I’m about to go back for more. He totally eclipses the token “I don’t even know much about fashion!” person attempting to lure in a bigger straight-male audience.

Hehehe…cuhmon man I need moh buttons!!! Catchphrase of the summer.

(via ONTD)

Thank you Kenley Collins, former Project Runway harpy, for throwing a cat at your boyfriend and thus allowing the NY Post to finally use this headline, which clearly for years has been stored away in their pun rolodex for just such an occasion. It took 120 years, but someone finally did it. And as a result, it’s a great day to be an American.

After throwing the feline, a laptop computer, and three apples at Zak Penley, Kenley Collins, 26, was charged with assault and criminal possession of a weapon (of meow destruction).

[Ed Note - 'meow destruction' was not added, that's actually part of the NY Post article]

How bizarre does a story have to be for throwing three apples to not even get mentioned in the headline or subhead? Exactly this weird, apparently.

Only a matter of time before all the Christian parents start blaming the SNL Laser Cats digital short…

Check out MCC in Cape Disappointment at PS. 122 in NYC!

WE HAVE PUT ALL SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP!

Now that that’s out of the way. Project Runway reached the end of its 5th season last night, and what a fantastically “Meh” season it was. Barely a memorable challenge, only a few moments of gay comedic bliss, and the most nasally cutting voice heard on the airwaves since Nanny Fine said “I do!” to Mr. Sheffield.

Last week, Jerell was eliminated thanks to his maternity wedding gown, and so we were left with PR’s first all female finale. The ladies chose their models (featuring our favorite reality crackhead, Morgan!), and then Kenley had the nerve to give Tim Gunn, “Nicest Man In The Universe”, some lip! Little did she know this would eventually come back to bit her in the ass.

But let’s skip over all the outfit choosing and dog pooping drama and cut directly to the chase: THE RUNWAY SHOW.

After the jump, I show you my favorite pieces, as well as outfits that would only look good on a 19-pound model.

KENLEY’S COLLECTION

My Favorite Look:

I’m a sucker for big-ass collars, so you can imagine my pure delight when witnessing this divine creation head down the runway. Most of the other stuff in Kenley’s collection was cute, though nothing I would ever consider, you know, actually wearing.

Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:

Gigantic Fake Hips really only work on women who very likely cannot bear children. See, above.

Kenley Rip-Off Part 2:

This is the real drama of the night: The judge’s accuse Kenley of ripping off her looks from other designers. Last week, it was her wedding gown, which was an almost exact knock-off of Alexander McQueen. This week, the above dress… which really and truly looks like a 2nd grade art class knock-off of the Balenciaga version. What are the odds she came up with all of these ideas herself? And does she not know by now that one cannot fool the all-knowing Nina Garcia? GAH KENLEY! YOU ARE THE MOST FRUSTRATING PERSON ON REALITY TELEVISION.

Moving along… Korto’s collection:

My Favorite Look:

No really. I love this. If I owned this dress, I would eat, sleep and prance in it.

Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:

The only way to make this dress work on a “real” body is by mummifying yourself in Saran Wrap and then covering THAT in anywhere from 5-7 pairs of Spanx. Because let’s face it: The only type of woman who could pull the above dress of is a newborn premie. But man… what a sexy-ass premie.

Korto’s collection was my personal favorite when it comes down to “various things I would actually wear”. I loved her fabrics and cuts, and thought it was overall a very beautiful ready-to-wear collection. Her main problem: It was missing that extra punch of Pizazz that a Project Runway winner makes. Which leads us tooooo:

LEANNE:

My Favorite Look:

To be fair, my favorite look was the wedding gown. But we’ve all seen that. So believe it or not, I am feelin this insane stomach-baring chest with gorgeous white slacks (yeah, that’s right, slacks.) I might even buy a pair to dress up my otherwise casual Swiffer Wetjet.

Outfit That Would Only Look Good On An 8-Pound Model:

Guess what I don’t need flapping around my ass? Flaps. Hundred of them.

OK SPOILER PEOPLE: TAKE A DEEP BREATH: LEANNE WON. And deservedly so. Her collection was the most innovative, the most elegant, and the cleanest. But let’s face it: The girl does petals. That’s her thing? Can she do things that don’t involve petals? Maybe. And by maybe, I mean definitely not. It’s pretty much the only thing we’ve seen her do all season!

Now, it’s your turn: What did you think of the finale? Any Kenley supporters out there? Feel free to voice your disapproval.