Best Week Ever » American Idol

If There Is One Thing Adam Lambert Doesn’t Need, It’s Autotune

Michelle Collins — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:21:31 +0000

Adam Lambert’s debut single, “For Your Entertainment”, has been released courtesy of American Idol empresario Ryan Seacrest. One might call the single “highly anticipated”, if that person is this person:

Let’s face it: People have been strapped to the back of a missile Looney Tunes stylewaiting to hear what Lambert was going to serve to us, and his debut single is the match that was to light the comically long fuse. Here is a helpful diagram:

The genius of Adam Lambert’s voice is that it is only limited by the material given to it. He can tear apart any song – slow, fast, ranging from Porgy & Bessish from the balls deep to castrated hummingbird on meth glass shattering peaks (and before you ask, yes, this makes perfect sense). So his big debut single would have to be surpassing the usual or ordinary, particularly in scope or size… i.e. the definition of epic.

Which is why — and I fear I will make a lot of enemies saying this — I found myself a little disappointed while listening to “For Your Entertainment.” Don’t get me wrong: It’s good, poppy, dancy, garbagey fun. But frankly, there is so much auto-tune and post-production put into this song, it could have been sung by just about anyone. And I mean anyone: Even the earhole-less Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak could have made this single work. And to be honest, the song itself is pretty repetitive in a way that leaves us wanting more… or just something else.

The one thing it does have going for it is that it seems to be about dirty, rough sex. So that’s a plus.

Now, to be fair, I had a very similar reaction upon the first 124 listens to Britney Spears’ “Womanizer”, a song which I eventually wrapped in a fleece papoose and uploaded onto my Ipod using a bit of the ol’ remorse code. So if “Womanizer” could grow on me, certainly with enough plays I will come around to this song too. For example, 4 cosmos to the wind, this song comes on, my top is 100 percent coming off. And the verdict over at ONTD is that people love love love the song.

Either way, here is the single for your own ears only. Feel free to tear me apart in the comments, or tell me that I’ve just lost my way in life.

What do you think? Should I just go ahead and drink the Kool-Aid on this one? After my 7th listening, I’m already softening…

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Adam Lambert Straights It Up in November ‘Details’

Michelle Collins — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:03:01 +0000

After a few months out of the spotlight, American Idol star Adam Lambert is re-taking the media by storm in a full fledged publicity-splosion to promote his new album, which will finally be released next month. First, we’re blessed with the full version of his theme from the upcoming disaster flick 2012, titled “Time for Miracles.” It sounds like a more enjoyable “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”, and we can only assume that many heterosexual couples will enjoy dancing to it on their wedding day. Because if there’s one thing wedding first dances enjoy, it’s slow dancing to theme songs from post-apocalyptic and/or disaster films (see, also, the Godzilla/Puff Daddy collabo “Come With Me.”) And “Time For Miracles” is exactly the kind of over-the-top epic ballad that we hope all couples begin their journey to the grave with. (EW’s Michael Slezak writes an entire essay about the comparison, which we will link to only to prove our own musical intelligence.)

Time For Miracles

Adam Lambert | MySpace Video

(My review of the music video is here.)

We, for one, are extremely happy to see Lambert’s chiseled face back in the spotlight, specifically on the cover of Details magazine, where his pout, combined with those indigo laser beams he calls “eyes”, will no doubt cause the mag to fly off the shelves and into the hands of fags and their requisite hags faster than you can turn to the always endearing “Gay or Asian” section of the magazine.

But what’s perhaps most… alluring… about the issue is the inside photospread, where Lambert and some betch — we mean — model, get “cozy”, if your definition of cozy is pantsless and includes second base, which ours does.

(Ahead, exclusive, albeit tiny, photos from the inside spread. Pretty sure we mean that literally.)

OH SH*T YES. Even though Adam has been rocking a bit of the Kate Gosselin as of late, we’ve always preferred the 50s gelled back style seen so often on John Travolta in the movie Grease. And we’re feeling the brows.

Who. The. F*CK. Is This Woman? Well, it’s good to know that Adam can handle approximately 88 whole pounds settled on his lap cause he a real man. Also, OMG, scandalous.

Yeah, we’re not buying this makeout session any more than those other photo(s?) of him making out with women in high school. That being said, “We See What You Did There, Details.” (Pre-ordering 50 copies etc.)

OMG HE’S HAND BRA-ING IT.

Sexy? Yes. Convincing? Nnnnnot really but we appreciate the effort and will certainly pick up our own copy… “for the articles.” (photos via Allie is Wired)

For my take on Adam’s Music Video, click here!

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Just What Is Kris Allen Staring at on His Debut CD Cover?

Michelle Collins — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:55:52 +0000

The cover of Kris Allen’s debut album, the self-titled “Kris Allen”, won’t be released for another month, but the cover has finally hit the internet courtesy of BN.com. It features the American Idol winner kicking back in an empty theater, hair appropriately mussed, and peering behind himself, mouth agape, staring at something in the distance. But while EW’s Idol expert Michael Slezakgives us 5 things to note about the cover, he doesn’t answer a very important question: Just what is getting Allen’s attention back there?

We give you the answer ahead.

Why, it’s your favorite person on Earth, Adam Lambert of course.

Hey, boo. Hey.

Speaking of which, a preview of the beloved Lambert’s first single for the Roland Emmerich film 2012 has been leaked. And don’t let the apocalyptic imagery of the following trailer give you musical PTSD, because it goes without saying we will a. be downloading this track (yes, we’ll pay); b. be listening to it through the coldest winter months; c. Really hope a wave won’t wash us away to our death through the closing bars. For those of you who still haven’t heard it (hi, Mom), here it is:

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While You Were Experiencing Crazy Don Draper Milk Dreams

Dan Hopper — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:43:20 +0000

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has joined the cast of Dancing With The Stars. He’ll be trying to fight the old stereotype that white people who are former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay can’t dance.

Paula Abdul and Fox have resumed negotiations about her possible return to American Idol. Negotiations have sped up nicely once both parties realized how badly they needed a “Required Minimum Amount Of Quaaludes Per Show” clause.

Director Neill Blomkamp indicated that he’d be up for a District 9 sequel. I already thought of the perfect title: District 11.

Alex Zalben from AMC makes a case for the 5 Best Julia Roberts Movies You Haven’t Seen. It’s a little gutsier than my list of the 15 Okayest Julia Roberts Movies You’ve Definitely Seen.

Nice headline, Variety: James McAvoy is ‘With Cancer’. It’s referring to a movie adaptation of the novel I’m With Cancer, but I’m sure the dude’s still on the phone with his parents explaining things.

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10 Possible Replacements for Paula Abdul

Michelle Collins — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:16:02 +0000

This week, it was revealed that Paula Abdul would not be returning as the country’s favorite judge on American Idol. And even though her AI grave is still warm, people are already speculating as to who will be brought in to replace the inimitable Paula. While we could never imagine the show working without Paula, we’ve come up with 10 suitable replacements. And here they are:

10. Rosie O’Donnell. It’s been too long since we’ve heard from Rosie O’D, and American Idol seems like the perfect place for her to bring her trademarked brand of over-the-topness. We know she loves singing, and she’s even expressed interest in filling the slot. Plus, who wouldn’t want to see her makeout with Simon?

9. Miss South Carolina. If it’s incessant rambling you are after, Miss South Carolina might be the only woman in the world able to fill up Paula’s insanely rere shoes.

8. A Seal. Or if it’s clapping you’re after… even Paula admits to the similarities.

7. Posh Spice. Posh has been rumored to be the actual replacement. The bad news is, she has no personality, but the good news is, janitors can use her head to mop up the stage sweat after the show…

6. Adam Lambert and Yours Truly. Need I even explain why this twosome would be genius?

5. Gloria Estefan. Probably the closest replacement you could ask for. Most Americans probably wouldn’t even notice.

4. An Old-Timey Coke Dispenser. Why beat around the bush any longer, Idol producers? Just put a f**king Coke dispenser in her chair and get your DeLorean detailed 4 lyf.

3. Martin Lawrence. Martin is probably one of the funniest people in the world, who for the past few years has been raking the money in with less than hilarious projects (rhymes with Mild Pogs. Ah, f*ck it, it’s Wild Hogs.) What better way to bring back the Martin (oblig theme song reference) we used to love than giving him a prime spot on the world’s stage?

2. A Punching Bag For Simon. He’ll need something to beat on.

1. A Sign That Just Says “Yes”. Slightly cheaper… but gets to the point much faster.

Leave your dream replacements in the comments.

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10 Reasons American Idol Will Suck Without Paula Abdul

Michelle Collins — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:18:36 +0000

Yesterday, Paula Abdul announced via a no-doubt sob-induced epic 5 tweets that she will not be returning as a judge for the next season of American Idol. Seriously, Paula hasn’t been this upset since divorcing Emilio Estevez. Fans of the show are undoubtedly crushed, and some are even threatening to boycott an Idol without Paula. While the legendary singer/dancer has certainly received her fair share of mockery for the insane antics she brought to the Idol stage, it is without a doubt that the show will suffer without her presence.

Here are 10 Reasons American Idol Will Suck Without Paula:

10. American Idol Will be a Show Full of Joylessness. Fact: Paula Abdul is the only American Idol judge who actually enjoys listening to people sing. Randy is there because it’s either AI or touring the country promoting lap bands; Kara is just happy to get her bikini-clad ass on people’s TVs; and Simon has trouble seeing any of the contestants due to all the money signs blocking his vision.

9. Sexual Tension with Simon Now Left Solely to Ryan Seacrest. Who is gonna fake make out with Simon for laughs now? The answer to that rhymes with Flyin’ Kneebreast. Can you ever imagine that uptight B Kara agreeing to this kind of stunt?

8. Contestants Might Actually Have to Have Talent to Get To Hollywood. Paula was the permanent greenlight to Hollywood. Without her substitute teacher like leniency in the audition room, how the HELL are aspiring strippers supposed to get a free trip to Hollywood? Slut Dreams = Crushed.

7. No More Tears to Cry. Here’s a bit of irony for you: While Paula Abdul was easily the most cyborg-like of all of the AI judges, she also was the only one who knew how to shed a tear or two (thousand). How is the viewing audience at large going to remember how to feel without Paula’s waterworks cues? Check out this compilation of Paula’s ~raw~ emotion and imagine a season with only Randy’s Cur-ettes syndrome and Kara’s thin-lipped enthusiasm to sit through, and you will no doubt yourselves cry:

6. Alcoholism Will Go Way Down. A Google search of “Paula Abdul Drinking Game” nets 32,900 results. ANd without Paula? That’s 32,900 less shots America will take as a whole. 32,900 less high fives; 32,900 less stomachs pumped; 32,900 less good times had by America. Do you really want to be responsible for such a steep drop in “fun times” Fox? We don’t think so.

The Top 5 Reasons Ahead.

5. Empty Air Will No Longer Be Filled with Genius, Drug-Induced Rambling. This is 1:21 minutes of beauty. Which you can say goodbye too without Paula,

4. Say Goodbye to Cleavage. Without Paula, whose cleavage will American Idol’s 4 straight guys marvel at? Randy’s? No thank you.

3. One Less Gay Icon to Indicate Which Contestants Are G. Paula Abdul was the go-to indicator to try and figure out which American Idol contestant was being shoved back into the closet by Fox brass. Remember back to when Adam Lambert was on the show last season. Even though Lambert kinda flamed out every now and again and again and again while performing, it wasn’t until we saw the Paula love in his eyes and his magnetic smile that we knew his love for the ladies was strictly gaysexual. Without Paula, we will as a nation will be solely left with our gaydars and nothing else to determine our reproductive Idol futures.

2. She’s the Only Person Who Ever Let On That American Idol Is, In Fact, Entirely Scripted. Only Paula Abdul could get away with revealing just exactly how scripted the show is. Like when she revealed that her performance comments were actually written (likely by producers) during rehearsals. Sham-wow:

1. The End of the Amazing Morning Show Interview. Oh Paula. Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula Paula. We will miss you, darling.

Leave your favorite Paula memories in the comments.

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WORLDS COLLIDING: Adam Lambert Praises Musical Muse… Muse

Michelle Collins — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:45:28 +0000

Last time British rock band Muse made their way through America, I was fortunate enough to catch their live show. Here’s how it went down in one sentence or less: While waiting for the show to start, I turned around, only to find David Bowie behind me, then spent the next 2 hours clawing the eyes out of my head in joy because I knew I was witnessing perhaps the best live show of my entire life. Yup, that about sums that up.

So as of now, Muse remains one of the best live acts I have ever seen, ever. That being said, I have yet to attend the American Idols Live tour, where Idol sensation and best part of my 2009 so far Adam Lambert is rocking people’s a-holes out of their body. (Again, mostly a good thing.)

But, what’s this? Turns out, Adam Lambert is a huge fan of my other favorite thing also Muse! We leave it up to MTV News’ Idol expert and shameless Twitter promoter** Jim Cantiello to get the scoop:

MTV Shows

(**@michcoll and @jambajim for those who care.)

And while we’re on the subject, Muse has just released an upcoming single called “United States of Eurasia” off of their soon to be released album The Resistance and — gasp — it’s supes political and not unlike every Queen song ever. Which is to say, I will surely listen to it 5,000 times while mowing people down in Central Park.

Their new single ahead! And who here will be at Idols Live in (gasp) Newark. Don’t front, reveal yourselves.

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The Amazing Race’s Phil Keoghan Will Do Whatever It Takes to Secure Emmy Votes

Michelle Collins — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:39:46 +0000

Good news, ladies. This year’s Emmy Award Broadcast will be roughly 4000% improved over last year’s, for one very dimpled reason: 2009 sees the nomination of the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the Fellowship, in the form of Phil Keoghan. That’s because, for the first time in his long and oh so handsome career, Phil has scored a much deserved Emmy nomination for Best Host of The Amazing Race, the only reality program that does not require post-show guilt-ridden hot acid baths.

While Phil is an incredible host — funny, charming, commanding, etc. — he also realizes that he’s got a bit of a way with the ladies, much like Chris O’Donnell did in The Bachelor. So when it comes to milkin’ this cow for all it’s worth, Phil has got has mouth on the teet of success. Check out what he just happened to be doing when he found out about the nomination:

Talk about keeping things real.

When Phil Keoghan got the call Thursday telling him he’d been nominated for an Emmy, the host of “The Amazing Race” says he was standing in his garage in his underwear, scraping the walls in preparation for a home renovation.

Perhaps it was his way of not appearing overconfident as he waited for word on whether he’d scored a nomination for best reality show host. After all, the genial New Zealander had been passed over last year when the category was added to the Emmys.

That, despite the fact that his show, “The Amazing Race,” has won the award for best reality show every year since 2003.

“I missed out and I felt like the orphan in the production,” he recalled with a laugh.

So there you have it ladies/Emmy Voters of Any Gender: Phil was just remodeling his home wearing underwear, likely a tool belt, a sweat vest, kid gloves, a feathered cap, and nothing else. Sh*t, with a description like that, fellow nominee Ryan Seacrest will probably vote for the bastard.

So sorry, fellow crush and nominee Tom Bergeron, but it’s gonna be pretty hard to beat a man who made the following GIF possible:

More Phil Underwear Stills Here.

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Kara DioGuardi Accidentally Gets Married When Idol Isn’t In Season

Dan Hopper — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:52:13 +0000

Kara DioGuardi accidentally got married on Sunday, forgetting that American Idol isn’t in season and thereby forfeiting the chance to use the wedding as free show promotion:

American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi wed longtime boyfriend, contractor Mike McCuddy, Sunday in Prospect Harbor, Maine…

Pastor Scott Nurse, Sr. – who officiated the ceremony at the Prospect Harbor Methodist Church – told Us their wedding was “very sweet.”

“They are absolutely in love with each other,” he told Us. “When I told him he could kiss the bride, everybody cheered. It was a very close, small family-type service.”

Why are you getting married now, Kara? You’re supposed to wait until the week before the next Idol season premieres so you can grab tabloid covers, circle the talk shows, and exploit your ceremony to promote the project you’re involved with. Don’t you know how shameless promotion works? This is Celebrity 101 stuff we’re talking about here.

I mean, are you just getting married because you enjoy one another’s companionship?? That’s pretty damn selfish.

You better get pregnant and deliver a baby with a f*cked-up name during Idol Season 9 or your celebrity status is officially revoked.

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Adam Lambert’s New (Old) Release “Want”: Love It or Hate It?

Michelle Collins — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:40:17 +0000

Here’s the problem with being an overnight success: People want product and they want it now. And the word “Want” will play a prominent role in this post, as you are about to find out. BWE.tv’s 2009-??? Mascot Adam Lambert is currently working non-stop in preparation for the Idols tour as well as putting together his highly anticipated debut album. But what’s this? Back in 2005, Lambert recorded some tracks for Hi Fi Recordings/Wilshire Records, which have been in a closet aging and collecting dust, while Lambert has grown more powerful and well known the world over. And would you believe? That company now, in an effort to capitalize off of Lambies newfound fame, is releasing one of those singles.

The song is called “Want”, and in one of the biggest record industry c*ck blockings of all time, the single will be hitting Itunes tomorrow along with a handful of other Baby Lambert melodies on an album called “On With The Show”. Lambert, who is working with Lady Gaga’s people on his post-Idol debut, had this to say:

â€œBack in 2005, when I was a struggling artist, I was hired as a studio singer to lend my vocals to tracks written by someone else. I was broke at the time and this was my chance to make a few bucks, so I jumped at the opportunity to record for my first time in a professional studio. The work I did back then in no way reflects the music I am currently in the studio working on. Iâ€™m thrilled to be working with some of todayâ€™s hottest songwriters and producers and canâ€™t wait for people to hear what my music really sounds like.â€

OK, so Lambert isn’t behind the music. But still, can we all kinda sorta agree that we’re excited for anything new and Lambert related? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I could listen to him sing at the Chabad Telethon on repeat for hours on end, but after a while, the world wants more. Want… and we shall receive. Here is Lambert’s pre-fame debut single from back in 2005, “Want.” The lyrics are fairly re-re, but as songs go, it’s not the worst thing we’ve ever heard. Like… we’d listen to it in our most desperate of times:

Comments time!: Do you guys love it or hate it? More importantly: Will you be buying this, or do you have the willpower to wait for Lambert’s actual post-Idol debut album out this fall? I’m leaning towards boycotting the album, unless of course there’s a song on it called “My Best Friend’s Baby Daddy Is Me”, in which case, I’ll reconsider.

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