Much like an anorexic’s vanilla and chocolate frozen yogurt dinner, rumors have been swirling all weekend long that America — and the world’s — most beloved, untouchably attractive celebrity power couple, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, were in the process of separating. Yes. Proof that being drop dead gorgeous and having wild sexual chemistry a relationship does not make. You know what else might not make a long-term relaysh/family? Acquiring a new baby every 4.7 seconds. Also? Goat beards.
But whether or not there’s any truth to the rumors, we at BWE.tv are here to help you through perhaps gossip’s most trying time. So here, in case of dire emergency, we present to you:
What To Do In Case Brangelina Splits Up: A Survivor’s Guide
Start with the first photo, and click through to learn exactly what you need to do in case of Hollywood’s Apocalypse. We’ve divided it up into a handful of easy steps with instructions below the photo. Trust us, you will need this.
Step 11: Stare Long and Hard at Your Spouse or Long-Term Boyfriend/Girlfriend and Wonder How If The Two Most Attractive People in the World Can't Make It Happen, How Can Your Two Ugly Asses Make It Work. This isn't so much to suggest you are not an attractive person yourself. But let's face it: In comparison to Brad or Ang, you're probably anywhere from 10 to 99.9 percent less attractive. Same goes for the person you chose to have sex with for the rest of your breathing life. So, how do you do it? Easy. You're not as attractive! The stakes are super low. So poke your loved ones protruding belly with care this evening, and gently swat away their ham-handed advances before grabbing their giant, 9-inch long earlobes and getting busy, and thank God every night you weren't born with those fiery hot genes that almost always lead to a case of the "lonelies."
