But host/Bravo Exec Andy Cohen isn’t stupid. Because anyone with half a brain would realize what America really wants: Kim Zolciak sing her hit song “Don’t Be Tardy For The Party.” Spoiler alert: It’s the best f**king thing you will ever see and/or hear. When the aliens come for us, show them this. They will flee our planet within a handful of nanomoklars (interplanetary seconds).

We’re surprised her wig didn’t flee the scene. But kudos to Kim for having the balls to get up there and do it! You know she knows she ain’t good.

Catch another new episode of Best Day Ever tonight at 11pm on VH1.

First up, a classic: Bill Clinton blowing the horn on The Arsenio Hall Show nearly 20 years ago. There’s a reason why LL Cool B, and it’s this. This is why he was elected President of both the United States and America’s Communal Vadg.

Bet you thought it was going to be Planet of Yakety Sax. Wrong.

Our second favorite saxophone related clip… ahead. Hint: It’s only 14 seconds long…

Saxomaphone. Saxomaphone.

Feel free to tell us about any children you’ve conceived while listening to this revered instrument in the comments.

But camman. He is. To die for. And if you missed the actual interview (which we’ve posted ahead), your love for him will only grow deeper and more complicated, because he’s also funny. We had the pleasure of (name drop!) meeting him once, and even though his pants were belted a little too high, and his fade had sort of grown out, he was nothing short of the most charming, handsome man we have ever touched. It goes without saying we have still not washed our collective hands.

Ahead, photos of our other favorite Yankee, Andy Pettitte, along with Hideki Matsui, along with video footage of our beloved Yankees and Big Bird.

Here is pitcher Andy Pettitte dressed up like in his every day Halloween costume, “John Travolta in Grease.”

And a bonus shot of Hideki Matsui, who made a special appearance muted on the show because he still doesn’t really speak English. We’ll give him a pass on this one because he knows how to hit a ball with a stick, and he’s adorable:

We’re saddened to learn that our favorite Japanese baseball player might not return the team next season.

Here are highlights from the interview. Many a bonus point to Jeter for continuing to rib Letterman.

BONUS VID: The only person who has ever looked taller than Andy Pettitte in a talk show chair, Big Bird, on Jimmy Kimmel:

(click here for Part 2)

I think we all know who’s behind this:

(via Buzzfeed)

This one is wayyyy too easy. But if you had hoped that this guy was an ugly dork in high school, bad news: He was hotter. Answer after the jump, for those of you who just want to gaze upon a perfect creature in his current day glory.

It’s Jon Hamm. Yes, he was a hot jock in high school. Duh?

(And yes, it must be all ONTD day here.)

Related: Our favorite Jon Hamm post… 10 Suggest Hairstyles for the Man.

Pam ultimately takes up Michael on his throwaway offer “do you want to hit me” and, after some detailed punching lessons from Toby, meets Michael in the parking lot for one well-deserved, cathartic punch.

Here’s the big parking lot showdown, followed by the hilarious episode-concluding speech in which Michael describes the meticulously detailed life that flashes before his eyes:

Episode thoughts? Favorite parts/lines? Andy/Dwight sideplot nods? Predictions for the next multi-episode plotline? Leave ‘em in the comments.

Then, something really weird happened. Miley’s song “Party in the USA” was released. And the next thing I knew, I was cutting my clothes off on the dance floor every time it came on. Say what you will about Miley, but there’s no denying the almost stroke-inducing catchness of P.I.T.USA. — you can put your hands up to it, move your hips to it, nod to it, and sing along like a wild jungle animal to it.

At the Halloween party I attended, the genius DJ’s mixed the “And a Jay-Z song was on” line directly into “Empire State of Mind”, and the room went literally beserk. A vampire punched a clown in the face, two Care Bears started making out, and fun was had by all. For the first time ever, I accepted Miley Cyrus into my heart.

Then, she had to go ahead and say something.

The following interview with Miley — who is dressed up for Halloween as a slutty Native American, we think – she admits the WORST thing we have EVER heard: She has never heard a Jay-Z song. Not one. She even has the audacity to say (Ed. Note: We are editing out roughly 80 percent of the “likes” and “you knows”):

Miley: I picked that song cause I needed something to go with my clothing line, I didn’t write it. And it wasn’t something that, like, I even expected to be popular, originally. It was just something that I wanted to do, I needed some songs, and it turned out for the best.

Interviewer: You’ve gotta have one in mind. “Big Pimpin’”? “Can I Get A”?

Miley: I’ve never heard a Jay-Z Song. I don’t listen to pop music and I, like, it’s not even my style of music, that song. But I’m just really blessed for it to have done as well as it has.

Interviewer: #1.

Miley: Yeah, and I’m just totally, totally blessed. God has definitely put me in an amazing position with amazing people.

Which leads us to ask: Why Is Miley Cyrus Trying To Make Us Hate “Party in the USA”?

You can see and hear the interview for yourself ahead.

F*ck me, Notting Hill is one of her favorite movies? It’s one of my favorite movies! Commenters, please tell me how to feel on this issue.

Inflation has now brought the Grammy Award to a record-low exchange rate of .61 Euro per Grammy (or roughly $510 U.S.)

On a scale of most valuable trophies, the Stanley Cup is right near the top, the Oscar right up there with it, followed by a piece of the Aggro Crag from GUTS, a white ribbon from a church bake sale, a Yahoo fantasy football title, a booby prize from a karaoke contest, a Science Olympiad patch, a chipped World’s Greatest Grandpa ceramic mug, and about twelve thousand trophies later, the Grammy.

Attention all aspiring DJs: Want to work with Will.I.Am? Calm down, we all do. That’s why you have to prove that your worth it, in the Pepsi Refresh Studio Challenge. Here’s how it works:

Head over to the Pepsi Refresh Studio. There, you’ll have the opportunity to remix LMFAO’s club hit “La La La.” Do whatever you want with it, be creative, and make it sound good. Click on the above video to hear LMFAO explain the rules to you themselves.

Then, Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas will review the submissions, pick his favorite, add his own special flair, and make that the OFFICIAL remix. You can check out other examples over on their Youtube page. Or watch one of our favorites, ENZ, after the jump.

Think you can top the others? Enter the Refresh Studio here!