The Illinois state senate just voted to add miniature horses to the list of ‘helper animals’ for people with disabilities, a move that is already being referred to on this blog and nowhere else as “The Li’l Sebastian Amendment,” in honor of Pawnee’s most beloved deceased miniature horse.

Sure, on one hand, Li’l Sebastian was technically from Indiana and is fictional and has nothing to do with any of this, but on the other hand, who’s to say this new law isn’t entirely because of Li’l Sebastian? The truth is probably somewhere in between.

Proponents of the law argue that miniature horses are ideal alternatives for people in need of helper animals who have severe allergies or phobias to dogs, plus they live longer, but critics have cited the potential sanitary drawbacks to having horses walking around in indoor spaces. I haven’t studied this issue long enough to have an opinion other than “Miniature horses are completely hilarious and I’m in favor of them doing whatever,” so feel free to use this sentence I just typed in your debates or whatever, senators who are reading this.

In closing, let’s just use this as an excuse to re-watch Tom’s touching Li’l Sebastian In Memoriam:

I don’t use the world hero very often, but Bill Wisth, the man who called the police on Wisconsin all-you-can-eat fish restaurant Chuck’s Place after they refused to serve him his 13th helping, is the greatest hero in American history.

I mean, this is clearly the most fraudulent case of false advertising since that case against The Never Ending Story! Also that guy’s cardboard sign is breaking my heart so please just give him some more fish. You did offer to give him more? 8 more? What about the steam tray? We have to get his man all he can eat, people!

(Gawker)

The poster comes Exclusively via Lebanese Cinema Movie Guide, so who knows if it’s even real, but who’s to say what’s real anymore in this crazy rat race dot gov we call an internet? Unless the thing deviates from George R.R. Martin’s books slightly, in which case it is definitively FAKE.

(via Pop Culture Brain)

This looks like something that would’ve shown up on an HBO Real Sex episode that you were trying to masturbate to in high school, when you look at the clock and you’re like “Ok, only one segment left, it better be good…” and the show’s like “Penis pants? You better believe it! We take you to the Penis Pants Pantsotorium in Grand Rapids Michigan to see how penis clothing is made!” and you’re like “Aahhhhh dammit, now I just have to think about that one ok looking person from that segment twenty minutes ago, then wake up for school in ONE HOUR.”

I had a tough life.

(via Dlisted and several fashionable readers)

There’s a horny boy crisis in this country, and Granny G from America’s Got Talent is the only octogenarian sassy and talent enough to address it! Too long have our horny boys wandered the wilderness alone without guidance, devoid of rapping voices who will reach out to them, commanding them to keep it in their pants. Alerting them to the fact that babies eat money like Yogi Bear eats honey.

Sadly, this rap is way too uncomfortable to listen to, so no horny boys will never hear it. Sorry, babies!

Westsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide Bitcheeeeeeees!

(VVV)

This perfectly out-of-context clip begins with Berg musing on the prospects of Israel attacking Iran versus waiting for potential nuclear disaster, before swiftly moving to compliment Rihanna’s acting abilities, and finishing by making fun of the interviewer for somehow dodging the Israeli military service.

I wager dollars to Berg-donuts that this clip is more entertaining than the actual movie Battleship:

(via Film Drunk)

We’ll never get tired of the internet’s Adam Yauch tributes, but we especially won’t get tired of videos where three kids in wigs and mustaches re-enact the “Sabotage” music video scene-for-scene.

The title of “Most Adorable Musician Tribute Ever” has officially been claimed. No offense, Coldplay, but you are not three kids in wigs and mustaches re-enacting the “Sabotage” music video scene-for-scene:

(via The High Definite)

It’s a drunk lady sitting on a window awning and being like “I’m drunk bet this’ll never fall” and the person filming it (because of course you’d film your friend just sitting there) is like “Oh I hope you don’t fall” and then… I won’t tell you what happens after that! WINK! WIIIIINK!!!! WINKWINWKWINWKNWK!!!

I just can BELIEVE what happens!

I’m not saying this video was clearly staged, I’m just saying, I can’t think of a joke way to just say it was staged to complete this sentence, because it’s too staged. It’ll make sense tomorrow when we find out this was all viral marketing for new Dasani Windows.

(via Internet.com)

Behold, this giant Michael Jordan / Dennis Rodman back tattoo, which may be the most impressively 90s tattoo of all time:

Yup, that’s the coolest back in 90s history. Unless you can find me a tattoo of Sonic the Hedgehog wearing a Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket skateboarding up the Double Dare Sundae Slide, in which case, that would take the crown and also start putting that on my flesh asap.

(via Ball Don’t Lie)

Okay, sure, we all enjoy someone botching a first pitch. For example, South Korean pop star Jessica from the girl group SNSD, who really just blew it big time before a recent LG vs Samsung game. Can we be really, though? Wouldn’t you also probably panic and throw the ball straight into the ground in front of you in a moment of spastic humiliation? Wouldn’t your sweaty nervous hands and complete lack of baseball skills make you embarrass yourself in front of everyone you know and now the world?

You know they would. Your voice is your instrument, girl, not your throwing arm! We are all Jessica now!

(VVV)

An MIT grad student named Charles Guan has built a working “Chibikart”, a tiny motorized go kart with four-wheel drive designed to look ever-so-slightly like a real life MarioKart cart. The Kart is 30 inches long, can reach speeds of up to 26 MPH, and comes equipped with a cup holder full of the 4,500 condoms which you’ll need immediately after getting off this thing.

Here’s a video of Guan’s kart in action. He really seems to have the hang of the thing, until the very end of the video when the computer lightning-bolts him right as he’s going over a jump and he falls into lava and ends up fifth but it was total BS:

(via The Daily What Geek News)

Gugghuhuhuhugggwhaaaa????? 9,000 cabs spin out, make wacky sound effects, crash cartoonishly, explode, cut to families crying at wake (“This Manhattan Mischief movie got SUPER dark all the sudden…”)

The ad has apparently been “causing some controversy among residents and motorists”, according to Splash News, but do people still have problems with butts these days? I thought we were at least cool with butts. Have we so quickly forgotten the Buttual Revolution of whatever year that was? Wikipedia apparently has, because there’s nothing on there about it, but if that really never was a thing, then why did I not wear pants to work for that 7 month period?

I rest my case. Butt ads are fine. Next up – Completing Bill Hicks’ “Perfect Commercial”:

It’s Game Of Thrones Episode 17, entitled “A Man Without Honor”, a title which clearly and specifically refers to Bran. Or possibly every character on this show ever, except for that guy who insulted Theon and got decapitated and like maybe one of the direwolves (the other, dishonorable direwolf is constantly stealing the others’ Raven-Milk-Bones and having sex with them.)

Ironically, the “Man Without Honor” episode doesn’t include Joffrey – I assumed the episode was just gonna be a 60-minute closeup on Joffrey with dishonorable sh*t happening in the background, like the “You Don’t Know How It Feels” video – but Tyrion and Cersei do sit down and discuss the grim reality of Joffrey on the throne, with Tyrion adding “It’s tough to leash a dog once you’ve put a crown on him” (not true! I do this to my basset hound Doggfrey on an hourly basis).

In one of the season’s more subtlely interesting scenes, Cersei tries to confide in Tyrion but can’t quite do it, and Tyrion tries to comfort his sister but also can’t, and they spend the scene tragically beating around the Joffrey bush (without actually beating Joffrey this week, sadly):

They stop just short of talking themselves into agreeing “Sometimes, the sincerest form of loving your child is killing him and letting a more reasonable child take over…”, but still, the ‘Joffrey’ tension between the two Lannisters in this scene was thick enough to beat with a crying prostitute’s scepter.

Jon Snow, meanwhile, is still trudging along with the escaped wildling Ygritte (aka Gwen from Downton Abbey – does she recognize Sir Richard Carlisle??) who keeps ridiculing his idea of freedom and tries to tempt him into sexually letting his guard down, adding “I’ll teach you how to do it.”

Not-Defensive-At-All Jon’s like, “Oh I’ve borked a lot of women in my time…”

At one point, Jon clutches his sword and Ygritte yanks him to the ground with the rope, rushes to higher ground, and Jon quickly realizes he’s surrounded by wildlings:

So in a way, the man with the most honor – Jon, the sympathetic non-sex-haver – has ended up in the worst possible position (not counting head-detachment). Oh, episode title – you’re more layered than a Bhyruvian Owlcake!

At Harrenhall, The Mountain has responded to the poison-darting of Amory Lorch the way everyone at Harrenhall responds to anything: By torturing and hanging 20 men to death overnight (“We really need to repave the Eastern road – better gouge some dudes’ eyes out and let rats play marbles with them and that should do it.”) Tywin assumes there’s a plot to assassinate him, and very not-unsubtlely ‘invites’ Arya to eat his food in front of him, which she reluctantly does, while Tywin tells her stories with his neck conspicuously exposed:

Tywin explains how Harrenhall was once an impenetrable fortress, defeated only when the Targaryens ‘changed the rules’ and attacked with dragons, even though they’d explicitly agreed “No Dragbacks” before the fight, as well as “No picking Oddjob” and “no proximity mining the body armor.” He surmises that Arya is of noble upbringing from her knowledge of history, casual addressing of a fellow lord, and her non-attempts to have sex with his food-plates; Arya decides not to act, but the season’s drawing to a close soon, and she’s still got oooonnnnee mooooreee ‘death’ left and it’s burnin’ a hole in her pocket.

On the battlefront, Robb Stark makes a cameo appearance:

He talks to the messenger Alton Lannister about Cersei ripping up his conditions for peace, and in a really obviously terrible decision, he orders Alton to be placed in Jaime’s cell. Jamie and Alton share stories about being squires and the thrill of killing, with Jaime comparing his imprisonment to “like stepping into a dream and finding out that the dream is more real than your life. But enough about The Matrix – they need to get some more recent movies in this sh*thole. They showed us frickin’ Nell last week.”

He whispers to Alton that “there is one thing you can do to help me…” which sounds totally not-ominous, coming from The Kingslayer. He probably needs to borrow a USB drive or something:

Jaime knocks his cousin to the ground and beats him to death with his hands and shackles, then when a guard runs in to tend to Jaime, Jaime chokes him to death with his chains, “Die Hard 2 General Esperanza” style. Just when you were thinking “Is Jaime seriously gonna get away? They had ONE guard on him??”, you remember that Game Of Thrones isn’t ‘other stupid things’ and Jaime is still captive in camp, but the father of the murdered guard personally calls for his head, inciting riots among the camp and forcing Lady Stark to step in to keep their valuable prisoner alive, telling the father “I know you’re upset but Jaime is a super major character and you just appeared in the show this second, so dial it down a notch, Beardo McMadderson.”

Farewell, guard and Alton Lannister:

Fearing Jaime won’t live through the night, Lady Stark enters his cell with Brianne, and Jaime launches into an Anthony Hopkins Game-lence Of The Thrones speech to get under her skin, noting that he’s only ever been with one woman (his twin sister, which he kind of glosses over) while Ned sired a bastard while married, then turns into the camera and says “SO WHO IS TRULY THE MAN WITHOUT HONOR HERE?” (2 minute pause). Then Jaime’s like “Oop, still have some of my cousin’s brains on my knuckle – could you toss me a towel?”

Having heard enough, Lady Stark asks Brianne for a sword, and the scene cuts away before we get to see her carve a penis onto the side of his face and giggle.

Daenerys continues her search for her dragons, and we continue laughing just a bit whenever a character really earnestly uses “dragons” in a sentence (“I am so, so sorry to hear about your dragons, Khaleesi.”) Jorah apologizes to Daeny for being conveniently away when the dragons were stolen and everyone killed (urgent Downton newspaper business), and visits that weird masked woman to ask for help finding the dragons by watching her paint symbols onto a naked dude’s ass (lost your dragons? They’re always in the last ass you painted!)

Daeny confronts the Council Of Thirteen to ask who took the dragons, and right after chubby spice guy tells her “I wouldn’t tell you even if I knew,” that super-shady warlock Pyat Pree admits that he took the dragons in conjunction with “The King Of Qarth”:

Xaro admits that he and Pyat have joined forces against the Thirteen in an attempt to “Open Quarth to the world” and also to start consolidating the thousands of characters on this show. Just minutes after I said to my fellow GoT watchers “You know when an episode has this many calm talking scenes in a row, some SERIOUS sh*t is gonna go down later in the episode”, the Jaime beating scene happened, followed by Pyat magically slaughtering every other member of the Qarth council:

Alright, can the Game Of Thrones characters now officially stop underestimating the powers of the magical characters on this show? The whole “oh bugger off, you wacky charlatan” mentality might make sense in real life, but it doesn’t make sense in a world where clearly characters possess magic powers and are capable of multiplying themselves into eleven physical apparitions and slitting everyones’ throats. It is not clear, however, why Pyat’s magical doubles are dressed like Indiana Jones extras.

Daeny and her two remaining cohorts attempt to escape, but Pyat calmly keeps inviting her to reunite with her dragons, an offer which she likely won’t have the option to turn down. So it turns out, that creepy, shady-ass magical dude WAS actually a creepy, shady-ass magical dude; what if the last scene in the season is just Pyat the warlock and Brianne nailing the crap out of each other for ten minutes in the grossest scene ever committed to tape? That might top the Season 1 twist.

Over in Winterfell, Theon intensifies the search for Bran and his brother – “I don’t care if I have to f*ck every nook and cranny in Westeros, find them! What? No, I definitely said ‘search’.” – and after several fruitless days of hunting, a paranoid Theon dismisses Maester Luwin from his position as the Royal “Bald Friarly Man”.

Unfortunately for the Starks, Theon’s men do pick up a trail: Shells of nuts left behind by Bran’s dangerously nut-loving brother, which leads the search party right to where the boys are hiding: Uncle Nutsy’s Clubhouse –

The episode concludes with Theon’s men dragging Maester Luwin to the town square and Theon announcing that he’s a man of his word when it comes to people defying him, and just when you expect him to decapitate Luwin and say to yourself “Ah well, that guy was nice but figured he’d die at some point,” Theon unveils the charred remains of two tiny individuals, either the Stark boys or even worse, their beloved Pound Puppies:

Wow. So, that was a slight turn of events. I initially thought that Theon might have not actually captured Bran and was staging the ‘burning’ as a message to the Winterfellas, but the HBO Synopsis just straight-up says it was the Stark boys, plus when you rewatch the ending, Theon is clearly distraught over his own actions:

However it turns out, way to go, Theon! Cue trailer: “A man who f*cks everything is about to f*ck up the one thing he can’t unf*ck [Record Scratch]…his own life.” Really just a great Mother’s Day episode for Lady Stark, Cersei, and the Mother Of Dragons. Celebrate!!! You earned it.

Fittingly, the episode fades on Theon and his companion Dagmer slow-dancing to Genesis.

“A Man Without Honor” episode thoughts? Favorite / least favorite parts? Thoughts on the big Bran development? Thoughts on the even bigger Whoever That Guard Was development??? Predictions for the last few episodes? Leave ‘em in the comments – only three more weeks until we’re forced to just enjoy summer!

It’s a testament to gentlemen of The Lonely Island that each cameo from their previous digital shorts in Saturday’s 100th Digital Short inspires a feeling of delight and recognition rather than, say, total exhaustion. This ain’t no pack of Gillys, ya’ll.

Instead, there’s Kenan-Reba! There’s an enraged Natalie Portman! There’s that catfish someone had sex with, I think! Jon Hamm’s gyrating genitals are on the scene! There’s Justin Bieber, for the kids! So let’s all raise a glass of poison in the group’s honor. To the next 100,000! 100,000 self BJs, that is!

Cinematically accurate or not, this dog Pudsey and his own Ashleigh won Britain’s Got Talent yesterday. Good work, you two! Britain, I don’t get it but okay!

(TMZ)

For the other 90 obskillion of you who have seen The Avengers (I gave everyone a second weekend before posting this), Xavierpop has taken the liberty of immortalizing the film’s most crowd-pleasing moment in GIF form, which you can now experience on a loop forever.

Behold, “When Loki Met Hulkie” (title mine, not gonna pin that on the actually-talented GIF creator):

“THIS GIF GOING TO BE BIG SMASH” – Captain America talking about the GIF, weirdly.

(via @wyshynski)

How is this video of 60,000 brightly colored dominoes falling to the ground so esthetically pleasing? I guess it does have all of the brain’s favorite things: colors, little plastic widgets, order, organizing, annihilation. Building things up just to knock them down. If this domino rainbow collapse had been constructed by naked people and was also somehow edible? That would be it.  It would have everything.

On a related note, that clattering sound at the end is like a heavenly synthetic rain.

(Buzzfeed)

Check out the full set at the Pepa Quin Flickr, be impressed, and waste the rest of your afternoon saying Lego-ized AD quotes to yourself and laughing then realizing it’s 8 pm. THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE LEGO BANANA STAND.

(via I Watch Stuff)

Here’s Shiri, the first-ever fully-realistic, fully-interactive robot ass, developed by a team of scientist in Tokyo (it’s Japanese??? No way! When I first heard “Interactive spankable robo-ass,” I immediately thought, “Those crazy Canadians have done it again!”)

Watch the slappable ass in action below. Although, as our collegue Halle Kiefer pointed out, “Aren’t all robots’ asses technically slappable?” To which this guy quickly responded, “Correct please.”

(via Mashable)

Before we rush to judgement, we at BWE have obtained this EXCLUSIVE VIDEO of Matthew Fox’s arrest on the night in question. Here’s Fox interacting with the police officer, making a number of questionable arguments and sporting an unmistakable “I’m disheveled in this reality!” beard:

When the officer asked “Where were you this evening before entering your vehicle?”, Fox reportedly kept repeating “You should be asking, WHEN was I.”

It’s hard to knock the comedic power of a pair of skin-tight white jeans, especially when they facilitate Will Ferrell screaming into Jimmy Fallon‘s poor defeated face while promoting The Campaign last night. It the only logical conclusion. Pants that tight would make any man insane with rage!

I really feel like this video is the perfect encapsulation of Will Ferrell‘s comedy abilities: goofy, affable physicality segueing into dark, violent fury. Also, you can see the outline of their wieners, which just brings it to that next level, if you ask me.

Here’s an incredibly-well-edited version of Scorsese’s Taxi Driver re-imagined with Disney elements. You’re expecting it to be fittingly internet-wacky and full of punchlines, but the resulting cut is actually somehow more disturbing than the original Taxi Driver.

I don’t even want to know what happens when De Niro takes his shotgun to go liberate Snow White from those despicable pimp-dwarfs…

(via Film Drunk)

Then we can engineer pancake organs for ourselves and cut out the middle man entirely. Pancake Future is the only future!

[Photo: Nathan Shields via I Heart Chaos]

The space comes complete with a cardboard Max cutout encouraging patrons to “play Max,” as if we didn’t already do that 8,000 times in our heads when reading that book when we were little. Only in my version, the Ninja Turtles and Grimlock were also hanging out with the Wild Things and we all ate chicken fingers and watched Ninja Turtles (then the Turtles were like “Whoa, that’s our lives, dudes!” and their minds shattered with paradox.)

(My Modern Met, via The Daily What)

How would you parody this? Name one way to make this poster more ridiculous. Putting a neon green raccoon-vagina on a skateboard off to the right? Nope, that would just detract away from UNDERCOVER MUSTACHE EUGENE LEVY, thus diluting the poster’s ridiculousness.

The correct answer is, this is perfect and cannot be touched. End of discussion and poster making.

(Thanks, Henry! For sending the link, not designing the poster, as far as we know.)

It is a very cute kitten, but holy crap, the squeaking sound it makes will DESTROY you. Note that the squeaking sound will be promptly followed by you making that same squeaking sound, then the sound of your heart cracking like the face from the You Can’t Do That On Television intro.

Watch, and try to cuddle this embed:

That sound is the unhandleable B-Side to the Baby Sloth squeaking.

And if that’s not heart-smashing enough, check out this photo of the panther undergoing physical therapy:

Wow. I’m going to spend the rest of the day lovingly hugging my own panther. Which is a yellow couch pillow. But still helps with the grief.

(video via Huffington Post, pic via FWC)

Dubai, in its ongoing effort to be the most Dubai, announced plans for a new $120-million “Hotel Dream,” an underwater luxury resort comprised of retractable room-discs that can move above or below sea level while you’re getting blown by a golden robot moneyhooker (the last part wasn’t mentioned in the article but implied).

Check out the luxury hotel / ideal Bond villain lair in simulated operation in the video below. Also, the Swiss firm designing it is literally called “BIG InvestConsult”, because they’re a f***ing Dilbert comic:

(via Bloomberg)

What does that even mean? And why is Brad Pitt a kid on a stool?? Just seems pointlessly controversial.

(via Time)

It’s a sponsored webseries for MadeMan.com, but for once, it’s nice to see a sponsor have the internet-wherewithal to just say, “Hey, let’s let this comedian and other funny people talk and we’ll film it cause that’s actually something people would watch.” I mean, it’s not “Jennifer Aniston water commercial” legendary, but what in culture is or ever will be again?

Here’s Episode One, with Paul talking to Modern Family star (and future Mr. Peabody) Ty Burrell:

(via HuffPo)

Meanwhile, didn’t we all agree not to let baboons examine the steering mechanism? It’s like you want apes to take over the planet. Oh, baboons are monkeys, not apes? How about you drive this car home yourself, then? Don’t look in the glove box. I’ll give you a hint: it’s filled with chewed-up bugs.

[Photo: Splash News Online]