In the following commercial, Meat Loaf, seen eating meatloaf (one word), breaks out into song over the deliciousness of A-1 Steak Sauce. Now, I ain’t gonna front, even typing the words A-1 Steak Sauce is making me salivate a little bit. And as far as the giant bottle of the stuff in the commercial goes, we would gladly take it to prom. Nevertheless, WE ARE NOT MEAT LOAF. We are just random, vinegar and red meat loving citizens.

Behold, Meat Loaf, who will do anything for love, in a world where Love = Steak Sauce:

PS: The publicist, whose e-mail subject header referred to the singer as Meat Load (which is both sexual and delicious), would like you to know that you can win some steak by singing your own song about A1 Steak Sauce and submitting it here. Or you could just get free steak the ol’ fashioned way and sleep with a Japanese businessman. Up to you.

Pete proposed to his girlfriend of three years by renting out a local cinema on her 25th birthday, filling the cinema with paid audience members, and then showing the following film. Ladies, see if you can possibly resist the pasty-gammed charms of one Pete Simson, as he lip-syncs his way through Daniel Beddingfield’s “If You’re Not The One”.

We’ll admit, we were charmed. But we’re also confused: Could we live with that hair in exchange for a lifetime of sunless laughter? Check out this pretty special proposal video, and let us know how you’d feel if yo mayun (or ladyfriend) proposed to you in this same manner.

Law & Order mastermind Dick Wolf earned $70 million last year!

I’ve made the request before on BWE and I’ll take this opportunity again — we need to work the expression “Dickwolf” into modern-day insult vocabulary. Even if it only lasts a year, six months, I don’t care; we have to take advantage of this greatest of names before L&O goes off the air (so we only have until the year 5000)

Here’s an example exchange.

Friend 1: We should probably get to the concert at least an hour early.

Friend 2: Yeah, we should probably get there like an hour early cause it’s gonna get packed.

Friend 1: I just said that, Dickwolf.

Friend: Oh, hah, sorry.

See how easy it is? Let’s make this happen, people.

There’s no more obvious way to generate a response than to declare “Someone is the new Other Someone Who’s Super Famous,” because blogger types just can’t resist responding to obvious controversy-baiting claims like “The Jonas Brothers = The New Beatles?”

For example:

“Robert Pattinson = The New De Niro?”

“Miley Cyrus = The New Charlemagne?”

“Kellie Pickler = The New Rolling Stones and Dylan Combined But Better?”

“Ashlee Simpson = The New Christ? Or Perhaps Even The Old One?”

See how easy it is? Feel free to leave your own bombastic “New” claims in the comments.

Good news, ladies. This year’s Emmy Award Broadcast will be roughly 4000% improved over last year’s, for one very dimpled reason: 2009 sees the nomination of the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the Fellowship, in the form of Phil Keoghan. That’s because, for the first time in his long and oh so handsome career, Phil has scored a much deserved Emmy nomination for Best Host of The Amazing Race, the only reality program that does not require post-show guilt-ridden hot acid baths.

While Phil is an incredible host — funny, charming, commanding, etc. — he also realizes that he’s got a bit of a way with the ladies, much like Chris O’Donnell did in The Bachelor.  So when it comes to milkin’ this cow for all it’s worth, Phil has got has mouth on the teet of success.  Check out what he just happened to be doing when he found out about the nomination:

Talk about keeping things real.

When Phil Keoghan got the call Thursday telling him he’d been nominated for an Emmy, the host of “The Amazing Race” says he was standing in his garage in his underwear, scraping the walls in preparation for a home renovation.

Perhaps it was his way of not appearing overconfident as he waited for word on whether he’d scored a nomination for best reality show host. After all, the genial New Zealander had been passed over last year when the category was added to the Emmys.

That, despite the fact that his show, “The Amazing Race,” has won the award for best reality show every year since 2003.

“I missed out and I felt like the orphan in the production,” he recalled with a laugh.

So there you have it ladies/Emmy Voters of Any Gender: Phil was just remodeling his home wearing underwear, likely a tool belt, a sweat vest, kid gloves, a feathered cap, and nothing else. Sh*t, with a description like that, fellow nominee Ryan Seacrest will probably vote for the bastard.

So sorry, fellow crush and nominee Tom Bergeron, but it’s gonna be pretty hard to beat a man who made the following GIF possible:

More Phil Underwear Stills Here.

Outside the Lines? More like, Outside the Stadium! And into a Boob Factory!

LIIIIICK!

Ed Note: Remember that Timex “takes a licking” ad campaign from eighty damn years ago? Just part of BWE’s “Topical Fridayz”

(Getty Images)

Sheizuh! The Pope is hurt! Mr. Red Shoes Diary himself, Pope Benedict XVI, has broken his wrist while vacation at a Swiss Chalet in the Alps.

But who is to blame for this unforgivable injury? Check out this exclusive footage:

Any reason to post. Annnnnyreasonnnnntopost.

That is, until some bitch named Linda came into the picture. When Linda’s spouse passed away, Harry couldn’t help but notice how the morning sun reflected in her single penguin tear, or how she so delicately preened her own feathers out of necessity. The man couldn’t help himself. So, he kicked Pepper to the gay curb and moved in with Linda. Her name would be Linda, wouldn’t it?

And while all is well in Harry and Linda’s little idyllic world, what with their two kids and bible approved mating habits, poor Pepper has been left all on his own, spending Friday nights polishing his favorite pinkie ring and making sure his fuxedo still fits, because you never know: A new gay penguin might be moving to the island any day now. At least, he can dream.

Please check out this news report, but have the Kleenex handy:

PS: Band name of the Day: The Bisexual Penguin.

Way, way back in 1985, the supposed year that the Back to the Future movies took place in, a magazine called Ebony decided to find out what pop sensation Michael Jackson — whose “We Are the World” single had just been released — was going to look like 15 years later in the Year 2000.  Now, in 2009, following the singer’s tragic death, Buzzfeed has dug up the article, and the result is above.

Here is middle-aged Michael in all his glory.  Note the silky hair, the delicate mustache, the slight lines of years of world tours and backstage groupies which have etched their way onto Michael’s delicate face.  And sure, if this photo is to be believed, the fashions of the 80s managed to stay relevant for the next 15 YEARS, but we guess it’s a bit more subtle than, say, putting him in a spacesuit.

The description reads like so:

At 40, [Michael] will have aged gracefully and will have a handsome, more mature look. In number, his fans will have grown tenfold by the year 2000.

Gracefully is one way to put it. Of course, we now know that this is not the suave, ladies man creature Michael eventually became. For reference of what the guy actually looked like in the year 2000, click here.

Also, as far as the title goes, it took every ounce of good taste in our body to not bring up this genius song. Oh… well sh*t.