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WTF?!

erratic or irrational public behavior

17 February
Tuesday

Halloween Costumes From 1997 Agree: CLOSE GUANTANAMO

Protesters gathered outside the American Embassy in London today demanding the release of Guantanamo prisoner Binyam Mohamed. As a pop culture blogger, I admittedly know nothing about this story or why it’s newsworthy, but I DO know an inexplicable and hilariously dated Halloween costume when I see one, and this Scream character looks like he MEANS BUSINESS:

Scream Protest

If I were the U.S., I’d listen to this protester’s demands immediately; it’s only a matter of time before he’s joined by the likes of Austin Powers, Darth Maul, and Pikachu.

After the jump, the Scream dude voices his opinion on torture (if that ain’t the pot callin’ the kettle black then stabbing it to death…):

(more…)

11 February
Wednesday

Kathy Lee And Hoda Play With “Fundies” In Ongoing Effort To Permanently Obliterate Erections

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so why not take some steamy advice from the Today Show Fourth Hour and swing by Spencer Gifts circa 1993 to pick up Fundies, the outrageous ‘underpants for two’ novelty item? Or you could just watch this clip of and decide that there isn’t an object on the earth that you want to own less than Fundies:

10 February
Tuesday

That’s It, Internet, It’s Over.

I often wonder to myself, if someone from the 15th Century suddenly teleported to 2009 and I had to explain the internet to them using only one image, what image would I choose?

I’d say “Duck With A D*ck” juuuuust about sums up the entire internet:

Duckdck

You can check out the uncensored (I guess NSFW?) Duck Toy With Pronounced Genitals over at Buzzfeed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go commit Seppuku to retain what little honor I have left after being a part of this internet thing for so long. To whomever gives my eulogy: I know this goes without saying, but please don’t bring up Duck With A D*ck. Thanks!

4 February
Wednesday

AD WIZARDS: Disney Eggs As Pointless As Disney Dollars, But Eggs

Disney Eggs. They’re eggs, but Disney. I can only think of two possible explanations for how these came to exist:

1 – A soul-selling backroom deal between a top Disney executive and an egg farmer who possessed pictures of him in a hotel room forcing a prostitute to put on a Princess Jasmine costume.

2 – An amazingly out-of-touch olde tyme CEO declares, “Whatta kids like these dayze? I dunno… Hopscotch? Sarsaparilla? Eggs? Boom! Eggs, that’s it. Kids love eggs. Make it happen, Charlie.”

(via Jezebel)

23 January
Friday

THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN: “Drunken Negro Head” Obama Cookies

Five seconds into this video, my jaw dropped. Ten seconds after that, it dropped even further. For the rest of the video, I had to keep dislodging my jaw so it could drop further and further, until it finally dropped completely 360 degrees around and became my normal mouth again.

Wh…whaa……

The only part I did laugh at was the shopkeeper admitting “We get both sides of the fence,” as if to say, “Yeah, most people hate them, but this one racist dude thought it was cool, so you know, to each his own.”

(via Gothamist)

20 January
Tuesday

Mickey Rourke Looks Great! Oh, Wait… I Mean, Val Kilmer Looks Terrible.

That title isn’t sarcastic — my genuine initial reaction to these pics was “Mickey Rourke is looking pretty decent without his sunglasses and hair all effed up and… oh. Oh wow. I… that’s… Never mind.”

Kilmer 2

Val Kilmer 1

One more after the jump, for good (SIC) measure:

(more…)

16 January
Friday

Man Steals Live Shark From Aquarium In Possible Troy McClure Copycat Incident

A Fish Called SelmaI sometimes wonder if all the “Wacky Newzz” features on websites simply give us more access to ridiculous news stories, or if the existence of these features actually inspires criminals to go out of their way to commit the most bizarre crimes possible.

Long story short, a dude was arrested for stealing a shark and an eel — note the cryptic last line in this story and its Troy McClure-like fish-fetish implications:

30-year-old Long Island native Elbert Starks was arrested yesterday for allegedly shoplifting a live shark from Total Aquarium in Lynbrook. Police say the heist took place last month, when Starks—a sex offender on probation—grabbed a $350 nurse shark from a tank, put it into his jacket, and drove it to a new home in his apartment’s aquarium. (The shark survived!) Starks is also accused of using a credit card stolen from another pet shop to buy a 2-foot-long green moray eel for $300, which he put in the tank with the shark. An employee tells the Post, “This guy obviously has a thing for fish.”

Not to state the obvious here, but how the hell does someone successfully steal a live shark? Is this dude a Carmen Sandiego villain? Someone better go check and make sure he hasn’t taken the Lincoln Memorial too.

Also – I normally don’t like to copy-paste this much straight text from someone else’s website, but I’m sorry, that story just kept getting better and better.

(Thanks, Gothamist)

6 January
Tuesday

This Is The Exact Reason I Don’t Ever Go Skiing.

I’ve only gone skiing once in my life. Why? I’m not afraid of heights, I don’t dislike the cold, I didn’t find it particularly difficult to pick up, I don’t find it super dangerous, I don’t think it’s boring…

No. I don’t go skiing, because I am specifically afraid of spastically flipping around on the ski lift and hanging upside down with my pants around my knees:

Skiier Pantsless

After the jump, the UNCENSORED VERSION, in case you wanna brighten up your afternoon with some good ol’ fashioned skiier peen:

(more…)

5 January
Monday

Did Someone Orgasm During Saturday’s NBC Football Broadcast?

Please watch this clip from NBC’s Saturday NFL broadcast — at the -0:30 mark, following a lengthy Super Bowl / Monsters vs. Aliens / SoBe Lizards cross-promotional clusterf*ck, a noise randomly comes over the broadcast that really, really sounds like a man having an orgasm:

Could this sound be…

A) Bob Costas making a joke noise to indicate “whew, you guys got through that long promo” that just happens to sound like a male orgasm?

B) Sunday Night Football proprietor Dick Ebersol witnessing his seven-man-broadcast team emerging as an elite, company-line-towing, cross-promotional juggernaut and grabbing a mic in the studio before literally having an orgasm?

Wait, no need for any more choices, it’s gotta be B. Though feel free to leave other orgasmic conspiracy theories in the comments (could we have another Tim Russert Farting on our hands?)

19 December
Friday

Diddy Explains CSI Guest Appearance With Mind-Imploding Diddy Analogy

CSI MiDiddyDiddy plays a lawyer on an upcoming episode of CSI: Miami, and in an interview about the appearance, he offered up this astounding, vintage Diddy analogy:

“The CSI: Miami team is like the Yankees. Me coming on the set, I’m like a Little League player with the Yankees. [David Caruso], he’s like Obi-Wan Kenobi or something! He taught me so much and let me ask questions and protected me. He’s like the coach of the team.”

Alright, let’s break this down piece-by-piece:

1) The CSI: Miami team is like the New York Yankees, the iconic, century-old baseball franchise.

2) Diddy is like a Little League player — a small child aged 5-14 playing organized baseball — who is now on the New York Yankees.

3) David Caruso is Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Master.

4) Obi-Wan Kenobi is the coach of the Yankees.

Ummmm… I guess I’ll be DVRing this?