The NY Lottery has finally set its sights on the one group of people most often forgotten in this world: Childless Women. A few weeks ago, they hit the world upside the head with a furry frying pan, debuting their first “Sweet Millions” ad which featured groups of baby animals in pajamas. We thought “OK NY Lottery. You win this time. But never again will we fall for it,” as we raised our barren ovaries to the sky like the ultimate Mortal Kombat champion.
But their assault on our senses is not over. EW’s Michael Slezakbrings us their next ad in their series of “Let Me Just Roast My Eyeballs Like Marshmallows Because I Don’t Know What Else To Do With Them” campaign, this time featuring TINY BABY BUNBUNS AT A CARNIVAL. It is one hare (cue this) shy of being possibly the best thing we have ever witnessed. They spin round in small cups, pose for photos, RIDE UNICYCLES, play bumpercars…. Bless the lottery, for ruining some lives, and improving countless other ones.
On The View today, Sofia Vergara talked about raising her 18-year-old son. But she looks so young — how does she have an 18-year-old son? Easy. She was raped when she was thirteen.
Just kidding LOL!!!!! Good one Sofia! Nothing like a good ol’ fashioned knee-slappin’ “I was raped” joke to bring the View audience to stitches!
Yesterday, the world saw the first photo of Levi Johnston’s wang-less attempt to class up the pages of Playgirl. Meanwhile, Britney Spears went and sullied the pristine reputation of the iPhone and its many fart apps. None of that matters, however, because Heather Locklear has returned to Melrose Place, and Gabe Liedman was there to celebrate this moment in history:
A Swedish hockey player scored his first goal of the season last night and attempted to joyously celebrate but… well, let’s just say it didn’t totally work.
Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair held a press conference in Australia to promote their still-aliveness, and things got a little out of hand when Flair made a comment about Hulk’s wife, then got offended at himself or something and punched Hogan in the face, bloodying him.
This video couldn’t be faker if a unicorn ran by, knocked over both wrestlers and revealed that they were just two cardboard cutouts, high-fived Andy Kaufman, then went online to start a Zack Morris death rumor:
Buzzfeed brings us this video of a domesticated pet otter named Sidney. Our first reaction: YOU CAN DOMESTICATE OTTERS?! While this seems to be a dream invented in God’s heaven, we could also see it having dire, dark consequences. For example, we, personally, would certainly hug our otter until it stopped moving. So, in a way, perhaps its best this doesn’t become a trend.
The Today Show ran a contest for what we think is “America’s Best Bi-Polar Kid”… that, or a “Kid Reporter Contest.” Either way, they decided on a winner, 13-year-old Deidra Shores of Memphis, TN. Oh, little Deidra. She can barely believe her ears when Al Roker breaks the good news. She then forces her ears to believe her by releasing an ultra-sonic boom out of her small mouth. WARNING: Turn the volume down if there are small animals around, because they will most definitely explode.
I wasn’t familiar with the MTV show Styl’d before coming across the following clip, but now I know that Styl’d is a show about aspiring designers who solve grudges by sticking their boss’ toothbrush into the toilet. Or this video is, at least.
The person in this clip, Tara, is apparently fed up with her boss, and responds the way none of us would, ever: by licking all her glasses, messing with her toothbrush, and spitting juice back into the container. I’m about the least germophobic, “five second rule” advocate out there, and this still made me almost throw up, just FYI. Enjoy!
The episode airs tonight at 11 on MTV. This clip was cut from the episode, though, in a rare display of decency by MTV (actually, they just needed an eighteenth minute of commercials).
Just when you think you’ve seen every possible combination of adorable kittens, local news stories, and wacky hijinks that the internet could possibly muster up, enter Officer Keith Urban (!) and a persistent friendly feline:
