The lovely and talented Keira Knightley stopped by for a chat with Regis and Kelly this morning, and while describing the experience of meeting Pirates of the Caribbean co-star Johnny Depp for the first time, when she was only seventeen years old, she revealed something SO SHOCKING that it had to be bleeped out on-air! We’ll never know exactly what JUICY SECRETS she revealed about her youthful indiscretions with Depp, but Keira definetly managed to blow the Reege’s mind. Leave your guesses in the comments about what depraved acts she might have been describing! (Also, there may be severe weather headed towards New York.)
In Case You Missed It...
SeptemberTuesday
ICYMI: Gabe & Max Teach Us How To Talk All Political, Like On The Colbert Show
Our old friends Max and Gabe have moved on from self-improvement through the Internet, and are now offering us the chance to better our lives by learning how to sound smart and funny when talking about politics at cocktail parties. In this video, the guys give us a few can’t-miss tips on the perfect chat-mixers to go with your Sarah Palintinis.
SeptemberTuesday
ICYMI: P!nk’s VMA Stunt-tacular
Not to keep bringing it up, but did you guys see the VMA’s? That was some cuh-cuh-cuh-razy stuff! The theme this year was “Music. Mayhem. Music.” We all know who they called for the “mayhem” part: P!nk. That lady specializes in mayhem. She wants to get in a fight! Her performance reminded me of those stunt attractions you see at Universal Studios. She walked through a city set at Paramount Studios, breaking some glass and causing explosions as she went. ALL WHILE SHE WAS SINGING. EDGY!
Actually, I thought she looked pretty good in that blue dress, and considering how action-packed this was, she sounded pretty good too. For the VMA’s.
SeptemberMonday
ICYMI: Jonah Hill Makes The First 2 Minutes Of The VMA’s The Best 2 Minutes Of The VMA’s
This following clip is one of the only parts of the VMA’s that made me laugh in a “this is a funny comedy scene” kind of way instead of the much more prevalent “this is so rockbottom it’s hilarious” kind of way. Jonah Hill’s attempt to trick Britney Spears into kissing him was funny, but the part that really got me was how he immediately turns things around on her as if she’s the one stalking him. It’s classic Jonah. I love how he says he’s got a lunch date with Jeremy Irons and the Jonas Brothers, along with his subtle promo of the Verizon Chocolate.
Dare I venture to say that this sketch is also an allegory of our own twisted relationship with Britney? I don’t. But I do admit that I haven’t seen Britney sparkle like this in quite some time.
SeptemberThursday
ICYMI: The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Bra
I know a summer without new episodes of Best Week Ever has been hard for you. It’s hard for our panelists, too. But a few of them decided to pass the time by putting together this funny trailer spoof for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bra. I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I’d way rather pay to see a movie a bra being shared by Jessica St. Clair, Frangela and Melissa Rauch. Also watch out for some sweet cameo-action from Nick Kroll, Mike Britt and Tig Notaro!
SeptemberThursday
ICYMI: The Palin Family Melts My Icy Liberal Heart With Impromptu Display Of Alaskan Hair Product
No matter what you thought about Sarah Palin’s dramatic speech at the Republican National Convention last night (for the record, I thought it was great for a work of fiction), I think we can all agree that little Piper Palin licking her palm, then inexplicably using her saliva to pat down baby brother Trig’s hair was far and away the most adorable of the many, many moments in which we were treated to the wacky Alaskan antics of the Palin clan. All my cynicism and moral outrage at the words her mother was saying just melted away when I saw this, and I was reduced to babbling “Ohmygosh isn’t she just the sweetest wittle thing” in baby-talk. The Republicans haven’t been this cute since Dan Quayle.
SeptemberWednesday
ICYMI: Daily Show Goes To The Republican National Convention, Finds World’s Biggest Douche
While the adorably out-of-touch delusion found at the Republican National Convention will obviously provide an all-you-can-eat buffet of potential hilarity for The Daily Show news team, they really outdid themselves with this hilarious piece, in which they imagine Xcel Center as a holding pen for Republican refugees whose big Bush bash got rained on by that annoying hurricane on the Gulf Coast. The best – and perhaps most telling – part undoubtedly comes 52 seconds in, when they encounter a man who is undoubtedly the biggest douchebag the world has ever known and who expresses his frustration about the convention being canceled “to placate the liberal media” and his Republican brethren’s inability to “tell the truth about Barack Obama just cause some people are gettin’ rained on”. I have a feeling this is gonna be a good week for The Daily Show.
SeptemberTuesday
DIDDEO: John McCain, Who Is Bugging The F*ck Out, Loses Crucial Diddy Endorsement
There is no sound that more perfectly begins a Monday morning than “Diddy Obama Blog! Diddy Obama Blog! Diddy Obama Blog!” being shouted at you in a YouTube video by a guy who’s twirling around in circles. In his latest video dispatch, Diddy (who now seems to be toying with the idea of changing his name yet again, this time to Sir Rock Obama) spends a solid four minutes informing us of his displeasure with John McCain’s selection of a Vice Presidential candidate. While we certainly have our own reservations about Sarah “See What Abstinence Programs Did For My Family!” Palin, Diddy mostly seems to take issue with the fact that the woman McCain hopes to put a heartbeat away from the presidency only has experience governing in Alaska, where there are apparently no black people or crackheads. He also says something about Ray J, then states his intentions to mobilize millions of American young people to “get busy on y’all asses on November 4th”.
AugustFriday
ICYMI: Finally, A Comprehensive Guide To Dick Moves
Our friends at Videogum found this funny sketch PSA with a premise is so sublimely simple that you can’t help but grin the whole time you watch it. Basically, a couple guys – with the help of a giant foam penis man – clearly illustrate a wide variety of behaviors that could accurately be classified as “dick moves”. Take a look, because you just might learn something.
AugustTuesday
Gossip Girl Season 1 Alternate Ending (The One Where Serena Stabs All Those People)
Remember the lame plot point at the end of last season on Gossip Girl where Serena was losing her sh*t and being all “oh noes, will Dan ever love me again!?!” because she supposedly “killed a guy” when in actuality some junkie who tried to date rape her just did too much coke and OD’d? Well our friend Heather Fink created an alternate – and infinitely more satisfying – ending, which is what really should have gone down if the show wasn’t a cartoon of a soap opera and had the balls to be a bit more stabby. Also, look for a cameo from our own Brian Faas!
