Only moments ago, a co-worker stopped by my office with a curious looking jewelcase atop a velveteen cushion. Gently, I lifted the object off of it’s pillowy home to discover that it was an advanced copy of Adam Lambert’s debut CD, “For Your Entertainment.” My reaction:
There it was, in all its glory: Adam’s cocked head, the fingerless lambskin gloved hand grazing his buttery cheek, the gaze that says (whispered) “Put me in your CD player and listen to me gurl.” And so I did. A dramatic reenactment of my opening of the CD:
Before I even popped the CD in, I had the rare opportunity to actually flip through the liner notes, a luxury since most people went the way of digital downloads. It smells like a High School Yearbook from the minor planet Lambertini (an actual planet!), and features a variety of Lambert poses range from “steely intensity” to “Ludwig van Gaythoven“.
OK Listening time. Follow me on my journey as I liveblog listening to “For Your Entertainment.”
1. Music Again. Starts off with a fun industrial NIN beat, then quickly forks out into Queen and Mika territory. It’s exactly the fun, over-the-top rock opera sort of music Lambert’s fans were white knuckling to the heavens for. We can see Adam performing this live while wearing leather stilts, two Nintendo Powergloves, conducting a lightning orchestra with his mind. Also, it’s about sex. Having sex and listening to music.
2. For Your Entertainment. I’ll admit, the first time I heard the song, I knew it was going to take some getting used to. And perhaps it’s the black tar caffeine coursing through my veins at the moment, or the fact that I’m listening to the final produced version, but it sounds muuuuuuchhhhh betttttter. It’ll be a fun drunk club song, and even funner if said club happens to have laser beams and a smoke machine.
3. Whataya Want From Me. I automatically like this song because of the “cool” “hip” “young” spelling of the first word. Though I’m sure a few quick Census searches will prove that there are at least a dozen people living in these United States who respond to the name “Whataya.” The song was written by P!nk and my favorite Swede out of a chef’s hat, Max Martin, who has basically written every song you’ve ever loved. And in terms of Martin’s oeuvre, I would put “Whataya Want From Me” somewhere between “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” and “Hit Me Baby One More Time” in terms of “Songs I Want Played at My Funeral.” My only critique of the song is that it sounds suuuuper over-produced, to the point where the background music almost takes over the vocals. But I’m only saying that cause I’m a bitch. It’s good.
4. Strut. Oh sh*t, son. It’s struttin’ time:
This is a big ol’ gay anthem for struttin’, meaning, in other words, it’s amazing. And look! American Idol judge Kara DioGuardia wrote it with Adam! Bikini-flaunting aside, she has talent, imagine. I — nay, the world — would like to thank both Kara & Adam for penning/singing this song, as now we have a new theme song to listen to while mowing down people on New York City streets. We’re also loving the “Karma Police” like dream break at 2:20. The song is great: Catchy, has a great hook, is about dramatic walking. A+
5. Soaked. Let’s kick this off with an appropriate GIF, shall we?
OK, I am already getting teary because Muse’s Matthew Bellamy wrote this tune. I know I’m only 5 songs in, but I’m declaring it my favorite on the album. Lambert is probably the only person on the planet who can do a Muse song justice, as his voice has the same amount of crazy, godly power as Bellamy’s. Without being too dramatic, this song is the scene in Titanic where the boat breaks in 2 and all the people die, i.e. epic. And the best part about it? Your Mothers will also love it. Just tell them it’s Julio Iglesias and they will probably not even know the difference. Moms!
