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10 February
Friday

Sophia Grace And Rosie Are Like Little Rap Mozarts

Sophia Grace and her hype girl Rosie appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show yesterday to do what they do best: Rap. And I don’t mean “Oh look, a little girl rapping. That’s sweet! How cute.” I mean “This girl is the Baby Mozart of rapping.” They joined Ellen a while ago to cover Nicki Minaj, a video that racked up over 30 million views. And yesterday, through brought their cover of Keri Hilson’s “Turn My Swag On,” which leads me to ask: Does Julliard accept BABIES? Because get these girls IN NOW.

Seriously, next time tackle “Ni**as In Paris.” It would be “OFF THE HOOK,” as an old white person such as myself would say. Things get amazing at 1:43: Also they’re going to the Grammys.

10 February
Friday

‘Puppy Conan’ Is The Greatest Talk Show Of Our Time

Conan O’Brien has finally cracked what it takes to make a hit show. The answer, it turns out, is simple:

PUPPIES

Yes, puppy-backing off of the success of Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl,” Conan presents an all new format of his TBS late night talk show… Puppy Conan. Just a puppy in a wig is all. It sounds so simple, and yet the results are so spectacular. There’s even a tiny Puppy Andy! He can’t stop sniffing his own ass, just like the real Andy.

Not going to lie, these puppies have nothing on Jimmy Fallon’s Puppy Predictor, but still, a worthy video to spend your time on.

How long until we’re given a Puppy Leno? And yes, that is a Japanese Chin.

(via Team Coco)

9 February
Thursday

Tokyo Police Battle A Pretend Rhino And It’s For-Real Great

Here’s a video of security officers and police at the Ueno Zoo in Tokyo practicing an “Animal Escape Drill,” meaning, they pretend to square off with a human-operated papier-mâché rhinoceros that pretends to run amok and pretends to gorge an unfortunate officer (who only had one day left before pretend-retirement). If that sounds like the Japannest thing you’ve ever heard, watch the video, because it’s even more that than you’re expecting.

This is just some quality internetting right here. Put down that Dickens novel you weren’t reading and spend the next minute with Rhiny:

(Arbroath, via Videogum)

9 February
Thursday

Wes Anderson + JaRule = Hipster Paradise

Want to make hipsters feel less self-conscious about how hard they’re trying to look their parents? Slap a little RAP MUSIC ON THAT SH*T. Some genius on Youtube (LOL, everyone on Youtube is a genius) decided to combine the slow-motion footage from every Wes Anderson movie ever with some Ja Rule. Give your horn-rimmed glasses a buffing and crack open a 40 because you’re about to feel like a boss.

(via Uproxx and The Cajun Boy)

9 February
Thursday

Want To Be Friends With Your Neighbors? Get Them Drunk.

Apartment living ain’t easy. Especially in New York, when sometimes it seems the walls are so thin, your neighbors are having sex with you. Even more shocking is when you wake up in between them and wonder: HOW DID WE GET HERE? The answer is pretty simple:

Alcohol.

Yes, the easiest way to “chip the ice” with a next-door neighbor is to randomly show up, drink in hand, and ply them with whatever sizzling concoction you threw together in your bathtub. Laughter will be up, inhibitions down, and then you can slowly approach the topic that brought you over there in the first place: “Could you please stop leaving your used diaper genie bags under my welcome mat?” It works, I promise.

Now, I can’t take credit for this idea. No, I actually picked this helpful tip up from hilarious comedian and friend Katina Corrao, who has been trying to get past my front door for years now. It’s never worked… until today. In this latest installment of her web series “The Good Neighbor Minute” Katina fools me into letting her into my home, drinking a random mixture of liquids, wearing an unflattering pirate’s costume (burning it), and eventually, shattering my good martini glass. But she’s just so lovable, you can’t fault her! (Katina, you can click here to replace that glass.)

By the way, I think we’re both pretty fantastic actresses. Someone tweet this to @Spielberg please and thank you.

8 February
Wednesday

Behold, The Ultimate Patrick Stewart / Liam Neeson Showdown

Here’s Patrick Stewart and Liam Neeson appearing on The Graham Norton Show for a showdown of eminently likeable veteran UK actors, to be settled the only way a Picard / Qui-Gon battle could be: By figuring out which actor has the cooler action figure.

There’s something extra-amusing about having two highly accomplished serious actors on the same show only to spend the time playing with 10-year-old plastic toys. It’s just surreal that you can all now witness my recurring dream when I was 13 about me and Captain Picard playing with action figures:

Best part of the video? The Patrick Stewart double-face-palm:

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8 February
Wednesday

The Bourne Legacy Trailer Will Make You A Bourne Again Believer

Ladies and gentleman, prepare to get a little bit aroused at work or otherwise. That’s because no matter your gender, this first look at The Bourne Legacy not starring Matt Damon, but instead, the slightly tinier but equally as rugged Jeremy Renner, will satisfy your every movie trailer desire.

Yes, it seems that we have ALL as a movie-going public been duped. Because see there isn’t just one Jason Bourne. Oh no. This is the CIA people, come on, do you think they’d be that stupid as to limit the part of a billion-dollar franchise to one actor I mean agent? Of course not. There are many Jason Bourne’s to go around. And in Jeremy Renner, they have perhaps found their worst enemy. Because, as you’ll soon see in this trailer, the first from the film, this Bourne doesn’t make any mistakes, unlike those other Bournes who once used to mop sh*t up at MIT. Nope, this born can make a house explode with the handle of a fire hydrant and not even know how! Science? Maybe. But I think it has a little something to do with David Strathairn (who is thankfully back.)

Oh yeah, the other thing: None of the evil people from the other Bourne movies ever paid any sort of price, apparently, because they’re all back to work as usual, Treadstoning and what not. Long trilogy story longer, it goes without saying this movie will no doubt live up to the others, because after watching it, I took an ice bath while listening to the Inception soundtrack (a good thing!)

Also Ed Norton. The movie comes out August 3, 2012, which means you will have only this trailer to fantasize about until then. You’re welcome!

Ahead, a first look at the film’s poster. It’s very The Talented Mr. Ripley… perhaps another nod to the original Bourne.

(more…)

7 February
Tuesday

Oscar Nominees Forced To Pose For Awkward Class Photo

Here Is Every Single 2012 Academy Award Nominee In One Photo

Click To Enlarge

As the incomparable Richard Lawson put it, it’s like a fun celebrity version of “Where’s Waldo Minute Kristen Wiig.” Click on the above version to count up how many of the nominees you can recognize. I counted 21 plus the Gold Man himself. I also gave myself a headache looking at it. Win/win!

Those of you too lazy/blind to go through the entire list, we’ll save you the trouble and post the only thing worth noting:

NICK NOLTE.

7 February
Tuesday

Lana Del Rey’s “Hunger Games” Is Internet’s Finest Moment

The internet is such a vast vacuum of opinion and information, many times it feels like an endless succubus of time and energy. But once in a rare while, the winds of trend will meet in the middle of these infinite digital abyss and form something truly special. This is one of those times.

Here is Lana Del Rey’s “Hunger Games” as performed by Holly Laurent.

It proves a few things:

1. Almost anyone can sound like Lana Del Rey if they put they’re mind to it.
2. I want to legitimately listen to this song on my personal music listening device, and I don’t care if you judge me.*
3. A pita is a pouch of bread, but that’s his name.
4. *Of course I care.

(The Fab Life has got all the lyrics, for those interested.)

7 February
Tuesday

Werner Herzog Rips On Chickens For No Reason And It’s Amazing

Here’s a short clip of director and best-voice-ever-haver Werner Herzog just completely laying into chickens for being stupid. It is equal parts hilarious, random, and sounds automatically deep and philosophical because that’s just what you’re used to hearing in that voice (when it’s not reading vulgar childrens’ books). Chickens – prepare to be HERZOGGDEDED.

Can we get this guy on the next Comedy Central Roast? “The enormity of Jeff Ross’ stupiditee is just oahvahwelming…”

I deliberately avoided looking up the context for this clip, cause it’s so much better on its own. I assume it’s some weird inappropriate tangent from Into The Abyss, his crushing documentary about death row inmates and the families of their victims.

(via Best Roof Talk Ever – no relation)