VH1 Homepage
 

Video Games

3 November
Thursday

“Grand Theft Mario” Is The Grittiest Mario Bros. Since The John Leguizamo Movie

The trailer for Grand Theft Auto V hit the web this week, and while the game won’t officially come out until next summer, that doesn’t mean we can’t already begin nerdily salivating, particularly in the dorkiest way possible: By mashing up Grand Theft Auto V with other video games.

The folks at Jest released this trailer for the far-more-intriguing Grand Theft Mario, the gritty tale of a worn-out plumber who just wants to leave his murderous past behind him but it just keeps coming back. It’s basically a 16-Bit History Of Violence, where Ed Harris is a flying turtle (FIIINALLY):

(via @JeffRubinShow)

28 October
Friday

The 50 Nerdiest Jack O’ Lanterns

We all have nerdy obsessions, but spending countless hours channeling those obsessions into intricately-designed pumpkins truly represents another stratosphere of too-impressive-to-be-sad geekiness. In honor of these brave, unselfconscious souls who assuredly got laid instantly after carving these, here’s a list of The 50 Nerdiest Jack O’ Lanterns Ever:

50. Battlestar Cylon

49. Tetris

48. Settlers Of Catan Board

(more…)

20 October
Thursday

Gaddafi’s “Golden Gun” Recovered, Ending The World’s Longest Game Of Goldeneye

As you’ve already seen on Twitter (or like, the news maybe, I guess?), Muammar Gaddafi (SIC Always) has reportedly been killed by Libyan rebels.

While international political strife and morbid outcomes are not primary interests of our brightly-colored yuckfest over here, one aspect of this story that DID catch our attention was this story about rebels parading around Gaddafi’s famous “Golden Gun,” which of course instantly reminds us of James Bond, and specifically the Golden Gun in the N64 game Goldeneye:

According to reports, a man named Mohammed al-Bibi said that he took the ornate, golden pistol, which Gaddafi had often been photographed holding, after shooting him dead.

The dead former leader owned several ornate golden weapons, including a rifle which was looted from his Tripoli compound when the capital was liberated earlier this year.

So what happened here, exactly? Let’s explain it in Nintendo terms:

(more…)

8 September
Thursday

Full House: Tournament Fighter Is The Video Game You Always Wanted

Remember when, on Clarissa Explains It All, Clarissa had those video games on her computer that you knew weren’t like the ones you played in real life because they were so much clearer than the usual 8-bit adventure? Those were the video games we all wanted, but couldn’t have because, well, they weren’t real.

One game Clarissa would have definitely had her hands on was had Full House: Tournament Fighter, a combat game in the style of Mortal Kombat that pitted Uncle Jesse against Uncle Joey in a battle of the Uncles. It wasn’t real, of course, just a perfectly doctored video for YouTube that is the best. But, man, if it were real, we’d already have bought a Sega off eBay before you could say “Have mercy!”

[via Reddit]

19 August
Friday

Brains Meet Balls In Lovechess, The First Pornographic Chess Video Game (NSFW)

Remember Battle Chess, that old computer chess game where whenever you captured a piece, the pieces would animate and fight one another?

Well – what if you took that same concept, only instead of “fighting” one another, the pieces were naked men and women and they had really explicit sex? What?? What am I saying? Who would EVER want that? Who even cares about chess games at all anymore, and who wants to mix their porn — a thing that is super-readily available at all times to everyone always — with an animated chess video game? Aroused Chessmasters don’t even have any interest in that (though for them, it falls into the “don’t sh*t where you eat” category.)

Anyway, TOO LATE, because now there’s a game called Lovechess Salvage and it’s literally a bunch of human chess pieces f***ing. Click the pic below to watch the trailer for the game, but be forewarned, it’s VERY NSFW. Especially if you really can’t stand chess:

Welp, check that off the “Why Are These Things Being Combined” list! Congratulations on being a thing, Lovechess. You’ve saved us all the embarrassment of having to masturbate to another regular chess game.

(via No, Money Down!)

8 July
Friday

Heidi Klum Re-Enacts Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out

Heidi Klum’s training regimen looks awfully familiar (cue up this music for max effect):

PASS KEY TO HEIDI KLUM IS

007 373 5963

PUSH START!

(pics via Splash News, Jason Vorhees)

22 June
Wednesday

Bob Hoskins Really, Really Hated Super Mario Bros.

Veteran British actor Bob Hoskins, star of Who Framed Roger Rabbit and a ton of other movies but who needs a second credit when you’re already Eddie Valiant, recently did a Q&A for The Guardian. Among numerous questions about his personal fears and his philosophies on life, Hoskins also managed to work in three consecutive digs at the infamous Super Mario Bros. movie:

What is the worst job you’ve done?

Super Mario Brothers.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

Super Mario Brothers.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I wouldn’t do Super Mario Brothers.

The interview went on…

So, I hear your daughter just started college, what’s that like for you?

God was Super Mario Brothers bad.

This is your fourth child, correct?

I mean, the Goombas — who the f*ck thought it’d be a good idea to turn the little brown guys into tiny-headed lizard monsters in suits? Had they ever seen one screen of the video game?? WHAT KID WANTS TO SEE THAT? How come we didn’t also change the flying turtles into, like, swimming tax auditors? Kids’ll love it! The title is a video game!

(Worst Previews via ONTD)

14 June
Tuesday

Jimmy Fallon Salutes Video Game Week With Awesome 8-Bit Intro

In honor of Video Game Week 2011, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon comprised a new 8-bit opening credits sequence — just watching this makes me want to believe this is a real game, play it on an emulator, realize “this game is way too hard, why did they EVER subject kids to this,” and move on to another game but remember it fondly.

You might have to blow on the embed a couple times, but it should work:

8-bit connoisseurs (former kids still wasting limited brain-space) will recognize the visual cues from Mega Man 2, Ninja Gaiden, and the referee audio from Punch-Out!

(via Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, surprisingly)

3 June
Friday

Play George Plimpton’s Video Falconry Online (It’s Plimptastic!)

Last week, an amazing commercial for the 80s Colecovision game George Plimpton’s Video Falconry made the internet rounds (meaning, I stitched it onto a pillow and framed that pillow in my room), and this week, the internet took the joke one huge step further by uploading a playable version of Video Falconry online.

It is not actually a real game, as several commenters pointed out, but at this point in my internetting career I’ve grown weary.biz of differentiating between real and FAAAAAKE! things, and in a way it doesn’t really matter — it’s like that priest from Doubt who might’ve slept with that kid. Was HE real or fake? We will literally never know.

Click the pic below to play the surprisingly addictive George Plimpton’s Video Falconry:

For the record, how did people figure out it was fake? BoingBoing commenter “pentomino” offered these simple, self-evident tips:

(more…)

1 June
Wednesday

15 Amazing Screenshots From Shaq-Fu

Shaquille O’Neal announced his retirement today via Twitter, closing out a 20-year NBA career that included 4 championships and 15 All-Star appearances. However, as the pop culturally inclined among us (euphemism for “us bad people”) rush to Tweet Kazaam jokes en masse — or Steel jokes if we actually have any — let’s take a brief moment to simultaneously honor and fully process the ridiculousness of the single most absurd Shaq-related product ever made, the Super Nintendo & Genesis fighting game Shaq-Fu.

Here are 15 Amazing Screenshots From Shaq-Fu, a game which, apparently, consists primarily of Shaq taunting magical creatures then punching said magical creatures:

1.

2.

(more…)