April
BWE.tv is proud to welcome back “Unemployment Check” — our daily awesome / complete-waste-of-time / both daytime tv moment — with a clip that truly defines daytime tv at its most inessential: A clip of Tyra Banks and flamboyant judge David Young duetting an off-the-cuff “Top Model” Broadway tune. (Yes, another Tyra clip. She’s been on fire lately.)
This is, without question, the greatest affront to Broadway musicals since about sixteen hours ago:
March
What is it with old ladies cursing on The Today Show, Jane Fonda? First, the Fondz mutters the dreaded “See You Next Toozy”. And today, a sweet, altogether innocent seeming Grandmother in a Samuel L. Jackson hat drops the S-Bomb. The Grandmother was stuck in a closet for 20 hours after a tornado warning, and used divine intervention to help her escape. No word if God also added “P.S.: Say sh*tting on NBC”… but if he did, good work God.
Video evidence ahead…
JanuaryOn this episode of “Dr. Phil,” an extremely unreasonable woman complains about her husband’s “Star Wars” obsession, including his lifelong goal to fit into his storm trooper suit and his desire to be buried in the suit after he dies, even if it means having his corpse altered to fit into the dimensions of the costume. I call this woman unreasonable because there’s NO WAY YOU COULD MARRY A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WANTS TO HAVE HIS STOMACH CUT OFF SO HIS CORPSE FITS IN A DAMN STORM TROOPER COSTUME.
JanuaryI used to have this recurring nightmare in high school that my mother had somehow made her way onto a terrible trainwreck of a morning show about dieting and whether or not to spank your kids, and she would occasionally be sent out on remote segments that invariably culminated in her doing something unspeakably humiliating for me and my entire family, such as uncomfortably “busting out some dope rhymes” about what its like to be a middle-aged mom or whatever, and there was this futuristic invention called there Internet where video of mom could be captured and played over and and over again to the howls of classmates, as I cowered under my desk filled with hatred and shame. Thank god it was only a dream.
DecemberYou may have already caught the blueberry scented wind of this remarkable blue creature on the internet today, but if not, grab some muffin batter and get to watchin’ this Today Show clip. We really appreciate how the blonde beard compliments his suffocatingly dashing complexion!
UPDATE! Updated to add… let the Arrested Development comments begin… now.
DecemberTyra Banks gets pretty low-brow even by her standards when she and Dr. Oz discuss tiny farts, holding in farts, food that causes farts, and smelly oyster farts. Wait — this clip is from Oprah?? Yeesh.
DecemberI have made no secret of my nerdiness on this blog. I don’t know crap about cars, I’ve never owned a hammer, I love football but it’s in the most nerdy, artsy way possible… I could go on, but basically, my point is, even I feel the urge to beat the crap out of the guy who won “The View’s” Make-Your-Own-Dodge-Commercial competition. Me, the nerdiest nerd who ever nerded, am so transfixed by how many levels of loserness this guy is operating on, I suddenly understand every bully ever. Although… he is single…. LADIES???
DecemberHere’s the only thing we’ll say about the following clip from our favorite talk show ever, The Tyra Banks Show: If you love babies, or are a mother, or have a thing against throwing babies on the ground, and hate blood, this clip might make you feel uneasy. Though really, if you’re going to meet a woman who wishes to throw her crying baby to the ground and see his head crack open, it might as well be Tyra making the fake baby noises.
DecemberThis morning, at 10:15 am, on the National Broadcasting Channel, a woman in her 50s appeared on The Today Show to discuss what she took to be the first sign of really aging… a single gray pubic hair. And if the sound of that isn’t off-putting enough, perhaps said woman’s insanely nasal baby voice will be enough to put you over the edge. Awkward morning show laughter has never felt truer, awkward…er. Though we’re guessing her kids are delighted!
NovemberYes, Joan Rivers has had some plastic surgery done, but at least she doesn’t fart out of her mouth like SOME OTHER CELEBRITIES…
Michelle Collins
Managing Editor
Dan Hopper
Senior Editor
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