Boob Tube

Last night’s Mad Men season finale took an old timey frying pan filled to the brim with hobo grease and promise, and, like a frightened horse hoof to the face, slammed it upside America’s collective heads. On the scale of “Epic Finales”, this was one flash forward death sequence away from being as good as our all time fave, Six Feet Under. So much happened in so little time. The payoff for sticking around after the first few slow episodes of the season was better than we would ever imagine it to be. So, without further ado, let us recap just what, exactly, happened.

To begin with, any episode that opens with a close-up of Don Draper sleeping has nothing but promise. Even his morning, mucusy, lung like a hoarse cough can’t ruin the fantasy. Oh, sorry, we meant that it can ruin the fantasy. Get that checked out, Don.

Don meets with Connie Hilton, who has come a long way since his days back in the majors. The news breaks: Hilton tells Draper that McCann Erickson, real life advertising firm, is set to purchase Putnam Powell and Lowe in the new year. While Connie tries to convince him that this might be a good thing for the sought after Draper, Don contests: “Bullshit. It’s a sausage factory.” And while we know he means this kind of Sweeney Todd style sausage factory, we can’t help but think a sausage factory is the perfect place for a lothario like Don. Then, whatever bridge existed between Connie and Don is set aflame, and their friendship, if you can call it that, ends with a handshake.

Then, the camera cuts to some DVD extras from There Will Be Blood. Oh… wait, no, this is Don’s — Dick’s — childhood again. Seems Papa Whitman is holding out on the other farmers, wanting to wait to sell his crop until the prices are back up. And kudos to the costume department for creating the most hillbilly looking people to ever be on television. If there was an Emmy Award for “Most Convincing Bindle”, believe us, Mad Men would take the jug cake.

Don tells Bert Cooper about the buyout. Here is an exclusive look at Cooper’s reaction:

Indeed, the Titanic script would come in handy. Only that whole “never let go” advice would have been lost on Don. He wants to buy McCann out. And for the first time ever, we see some real ~emotion~ coming out of Draper! He’s mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore! He’s TAKING CHARGE. And there’s only one person who’s going to be by his side on this matter.

Roger Sterling.

Oh, sure, he’s coquettish at first. But Roger’s got the Lucky Strike account that’s keeping them afloat. Bert tells Roger to get on board. Don locks him into his steely-eyed tractor beam. And it seems these two are back in business.