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13 November
Friday

CBS Taps The Who To Play All Your Favorite CSI Theme Songs At Super Bowl XLIV

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cbs_who_superbowlThere are reports today that legendary TV theme writers The Who will be playing the Super Bowl halftime show this February. It is probably just a coincidence that CBS, who will broadcast this year’s game, is also home the CSI franchises that rocketed The Who to theme song stardom. The network just wants to put on a good show for America, and what goes better with chicken wings and nachos than cop show theme songs?? NOTHING!

Why it was just the other day I was locked in a late night debate over whether or not The Who are the greatest writers of TV show theme songs of all time. Personally, I still think John Tesh’s “NBA on NBC Theme” gives him the title, but The Who have nostalgia on their side. Just think how many people probably lost their virginity during the opening credits of a CSI: NY rerun this week alone. Hey, maybe they’ll even cover the NCIS: LA theme! That would be better than a hundred Bruce Springsteen crotch slides!

Kudos, CBS. And you get bonus points for the fact that Super Bowl XLIV is in Miami. I hope all your advertising looks like this:

caruso_super

Posted on November 13th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports
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4 November
Wednesday

New York Post Responds To My Pleas With Photoshopped Pedro Martinez Baby

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Yesterday, I called upon the New York Post to step up their game with their not-ridiculous and not judgmental-enough World Series headlines, and I’m pretty sure that must’ve cut someone pretty deep, cause they responded this morning in top form.

Here’s today’s cover (keep in mind, the New York Mayoral Election also happened yesterday, and this is their top story):

Post Pedro Baby

Breaking News: Pedro Martinez to get whupped tonight! I know this is a tabloid, but isn’t just saying a thing that could happen tonight the exact opposite of the definition of news?

What I’m trying to say is – GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK, Post!

Posted on November 4th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: News, Sports
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3 November
Tuesday

New York Post Continues To Disappoint With ’09 World Series Headlines

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Regardless of who you’re rooting for in this year’s World Series, or your opinion of the actual gameplay itself, I think Phillies fans, Yankees fans, and just general fans of terrible, judgmental puns can agree on one thing: The New York Post’s headlines for this Series (despite my high expectations) have been SORELY disappointing:

NY Post World Series Headlines

Where are the painful puns? Where’s the unsubstantiated panic? Where’s the overblown, random judgment of everyone?

The Yankees just lost Game 5 and instead of “2004 ALL OVER AGAIN” doom, today’s cover just says “It’s all good, now they can win the Series at home!”

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE NEW YORK POST?????

They better be saving one DAMN good angry pun headline for the Series finale… And it BETTER have seven uncensored F-words and a picture of A-Rod’s penis in it somehow…

Posted on November 3rd, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports
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3 November
Tuesday

Stephen Colbert Sponsors U.S. Speedskating Team In Biggest Thing To Happen To Speedskating Since Invention Of Speedskating

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Stephen Colbert SpeedskatingIn the best idea to ever happen to the sport of speedskating, and possibly the sport of ever, Stephen Colbert’s Colbert Nation will be the official sponsor of the U.S. Olympic Speedskating team for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. Colbert Nation members are being encouraged to donate to the U.S. team, and in exchange, the team will wear “Colbert Nation” logos on their uniforms:

“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,”‘ Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening’s taping. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place…”

“My character sees the Olympics as war, but nobody gets hurt,” Colbert said. “It’s a way to peacefully figure out who has got the top country.”

“It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians,” the comedian said. “It’s kind of unseemly how many Canadians I’m going to have to be dealing with.”

I was going to write that it’s the biggest thing to happen to speedskating since [BLANK], but couldn’t even think of a stock, go-to speedskating thing to complete that lazy joke. Plus I’m sure this idea is actually better than whatever that sentence-completing thing would have been.

Plus when Colbert Nation throws its weight behind something, that thing wins, with no exceptions. Just ask Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle.

Posted on November 3rd, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Boob Tube, Sports
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3 November
Tuesday

VIDEO: Dennis Rodman Discusses Kobe, LeBron On… Judge Jeanine Pirro?

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Dennis Rodman appeared on Judge Jeanine Pirro yesterday to sue his former assistant / weigh in on the Kobe vs. LeBron debate / make me aware of this program’s existence / promote the Criterion Collection release of Double Team / force my subconscious to continually question whether the reality my eyes perceive is truly accurate.

Here’s the clip of Rodman pallin’ around with Judge J.P – The full segment can also be seen here:

Posted on November 3rd, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports, Videos
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30 October
Friday

Minor League Hockey Team Honors Michael Jackson With MJ-Themed Jerseys (Finally!)

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The Bakersfield Condors, a minor-league hockey team in the ECHL, have announced plans to honor Michael Jackson by making their players wear these MJ-themed jerseys for a night, just the way MJ would have wanted it:

MJ Condors Jersey

And if MJ’s legacy isn’t honored enough by the red-on-black Thriller suits and condor logo wearing the Smooth Criminal hat, there’s more:

The night will include music and King of Pop themed promotions as well, and Condors players will even wear one white glove during the game, some of which will later be available for purchase….

Also, anybody with the name “Michael Jackson” or “Billie Jean” will receive free entry into the game by showing your ID.

What if your name is “Man In The Mirror?” A full life of ridicule then not even free Condors tickets? Rip-off.

I also assume the players will be wearing one non-white glove in addition to the white glove, and not just playing with one white glove and a bare hand? Guess it depends on how seriously they want to honor him.

Either way, I think we can all agree that this evening will FINALLY allow the King of Pop to rest in peace.

(via Deadspin)

Posted on October 30th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports
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28 October
Wednesday

New Penn State Cross Shirts: Religious Or Just Ugly?

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Controversy has erupted at Penn State University after the school unveiled new Penn State “White-Out” football t-shirts that vaguely resemble the pattern of a cross:

Cross Shirt

Personally, I have always believed that there is no better way to spend your time in this world than to debate the religious implications of a shirt with an upwards line on it and some words going across that line. Don’t you agree, Pointless-Stand-Takey McGee?

There always has to be some sort of separation,” said Berns, referring to the state-funded school and religious affiliation. “Me personally, I’m not going to buy the shirts and I know others at [Penn State Hillel] who won’t, either.”

As a PSU alumnus and self-appointed spokesperson on behalf of the school, I’d just like to point out the following:

1) If it’s supposed to be a white-out, wouldn’t the shirt be far better-looking if it were only white with the words “Penn State”?

That’s my only point. Not sure why I started a numbered list. I’ll be sure to update this story frequently, though, as the entire world’s separation of church and state argument rests solely upon whether or not the school decides to move the words “Penn State” slightly farther down on the front of the shirt.

And honestly, if we’re gonna go after Penn State school merchandise, can we at least first focus on this:

(more…)

Posted on October 28th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports
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27 October
Tuesday

New York Post Already Classin’ It Up Before World Series Even Starts

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My only excitement about the Yankees’ return to the World Series (other than the potential immediate A-Rod backstabbing that’ll occur again if they lose) is that for one glorious week, the New York Post will have an entire nation of eyes on it demanding the most sensational, judgmental, painful pun headlines that names of players combined with scornful or praising vocabulary can possibly create.

Because they’re the Post, however, they decided not to even wait until the Series began to start slinging confusing puns and random insults. Here’s today’s extremely news-based headline:

NY Post Headline Frillies

Seriously? “Frillies?” Is this Mad Magazine? I can’t wait to read about Chase Buttley, Clod Hamels and Jimmy Rollinschmuck.

The article itself is even more amazing. Check out these angry, newsworthy quotes from random New Yorkers (the Post gets so many big scoops they should change their name to the New York Scoop):

“Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ.”

They are whiners! Take it from the city that prides itself in bashing its stars until they win a championship, even though the Yankees probably would’ve missed the playoffs without A-Rod’s 54 homers in 2007 then threw him under the bus after they lost a four-game series even though Derek Jeter was also on the team and went 3-for-17 and has been on the team for their last 9 years of not winning a title and I’m not gonna go on cause I could write a novel about this. But man are Philly fans whiners!

Moving on:

(more…)

Posted on October 27th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports
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26 October
Monday

My Only World Series Prediction

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I have no idea who’s gonna win the Yankees/Phillies World Series, no idea if A-Rod is gonna stay hot, no idea if C.C. Sabathia is gonna break down at some point, no idea if the Phillies’ bullpen can hold it together, and no idea if home field will end up meaning anything for either team.

My Only Prediction: Get ready to see this exact reaction shot roughly 10,000,000,000 times:

58740200

Posted on October 26th, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Celebrity, Sports
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23 October
Friday

Another Day On The Internet, Another Local Philly Reporter Unknowingly Dry-Humped

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I’ve proposed this theory before, but it just becomes more obviously correct with each passing internet day: The internet was invented for the SOLE PURPOSE of sharing local news gaffes. Period.

Not for sharing information, not for social networking, not for the military, and not for AL GORE (Quick impression of a comedian in 2000 – “I’m Al Gore, I invented the internet!!” LOL)

Today’s example of this theory being obviously true: A local Philadelphia reporter being unknowingly dry-humped by a Phillies fan. And to think – without the internet, millions of people would’ve lived their lives not knowing that this happened. What a nightmare.

(via Gorillamask)

Posted on October 23rd, 2009 | Permalink
Categories: Sports, Videos, Viral Videos
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