FebruaryWith all the anxiety, frustration, and sadness that accompanies the end of football season (that new Madonna song is STILL stuck in my head), let’s bid farewell to the 2011-12 NFL Year on a – ugghhh this is hard – positive note.
Swallowing our pride and our own football disappointments, let’s all bask in this list of 5 Very Adorable Photos From The Giants’ Victory Parade (Click Any For Full Size):
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FebruaryAs part of the resurrected “I’m going to Disney World!” Super Bowl tradition, Super Bowl XLVI MVP Eli Manning spent Monday at Walt Disney World hobnobbing with Mickey, Minnie, and a group of children. We’ve all joked in the past about how much Eli Manning looks like a large child, but these photos basically exaggerate that assertion to the point of not even being a joke anymore, as Manning appears to be the one Super Bowl winner who’d also just be at Disney World anyway.
Keep an eye out for the awesome Mickey & Minnie Giants-knockoff jerseys. “Congrats on the big win, Yorktown Largies!!!” (Click Any Pic For Full Size):
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February
Every year, the Super Bowl floods Vegas with hundreds of ridiculous ‘Prop Bets’ – small, specific Super Bowl related side-bets that aren’t contingent on the game’s outcome – many of which don’t actually involve football or sports at all, other than the timeless sport of ‘Kelly Clarkson Belly Guessing’. Here, because we’re slightly more a pop culture blog than we are an NFL analysis blog (debatable), is our Official BWE Rundown of 7 Madonna and Kelly Clarkson Super Bowl Bets That Paid Off.
1. What color will Madonna’s hair be when she begins the Super Bowl Halftime show?
- Blonde (1/4)
- Any other color (2.5/1)
RESULT: Blonde. Madonna went the safe route and just came out blonde, though the crappy 1-to-4 payoff was even worse than the odds for “Will there be a vague Egyptian/Stargate theme for the song ‘Vogue’ which is about neither thing?”
2. What will Madonna be using to start the Super Bowl Halftime show?
- Headset (1/3)
- Handheld Microphone (2/1)
RESULT: Headset. I actually laid $20 on “Literal Silver Penis-Microphone To Generate Random Controversy Followed By Instant Color Bars And Cut To Hyundai Commercial”. It didn’t win, but I really liked the odds at 2-to-1.
FebruaryBecause most of our NFL teams were already eliminated long before Sunday (The Jaguars’ season actually ended in 2008), the only genuine joy many of us could experience during the Super Bowl was the perverse but universal sports-fan delight of watching another team fail.
In order to prolong this irrational schadenfreude as long as possible while also continuing to not think about our own teams’ earlier failures (this is how I remember the Steelers/Broncos game), enjoy these 12 Photos Of Tom Brady, Super Bowl Loser:
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FebruaryWith Super Bowl 46 looming and yet another team & fanbase about to be crushed in that deflating way that only losing a Super Bowl can provide, let’s take a brief, cathartically-sad trip through the Super Bowl depression of yesteryear with this list of The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl.
Behold, the singular deflation of players, coaches and fans photographed right after losing the big game, reminding us again that the pain of losing a Super Bowl may be unique, but it’s also universal. Especially if you’re from Buffalo:
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February
I’m not excited whatsoever for Madonna’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. Not because I dislike Madonna or think that she’ll do a bad job; on the contrary, I’m sure she’ll play the hits and bring out A-list special guests galore and make a giant entertaining spectacle and it’ll all be completely polished and well-done.
The only problem is, there’s nothing memorable or transcendent about ‘good’ Super Bowl Halftime Shows. Prince and Bruce Springsteen each did about as well as a Super Bowl performer could possibly aim for, and both performances still boiled down to just 12 pretty good minutes from musicians whose fans have assuredly seen them do far better 2-3 hour concerts on other occasions. The biggest standout moment was still Springsteen sliding into the camera.
The only time we remember a Super Bowl Halftime Show is when it is memorably bad. That is to say, not Black Eyed Peas “boring bad,” but rather, something so creatively ill-conceived and lame on the massive, sprawling scale that only Super Bowl Halftime Shows can provide, that we can’t help but be entertained, if for the wrong reasons. With that in mind, here’s a look back through the Glory Days of the terrible Super Bowl Halftime Show with this list of The 10 Most Awesomely Terrible Super Bowl Halftime Shows Of All Time:
10. Super Bowl 31, 1997: The New Blues Brothers with James Brown and ZZ Top
HELLOOOOOO Louisiana Superdooooomeeeee!!! Please welcome the Godfathers of New Orleans music: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Belushi and John Goodman!!! Wait, James Brown? That’s not so ba- oop, ZZ Top. Soulful! Definitely worthy of a Fox ‘Special Report’:
This excerpt unfortunately cuts off before ZZ Top’s legendary soulful contribution. And before David Cross hops up onstage with Jim Belushi.
JanuaryWith Super Bowl 46 just around the corner, we at BWE felt obligated to give you our exclusive insight into the captivating New York Giants / New England Patriots matchup, but rather than bore you with the same old tired “actual football analysis” that we’ll all get sick of in the next week (then get sick of people complaining about being sick of it), we’ve broken the Giants / Patriots matchup down in a far more amusing (and some would say “more meaningful” and be wrong) way: Figuring out which team’s craziest fans are indeed the craziest.
We’ve broken the Giants/Patriots fan-ridiculousness into Seven Thematic Categories, which we’ll analyze very non-arbitrarily based on a couple random photos in each category. Without further football-adieu (couldn’t think of a pun there), let’s answer the question – Giants VS Patriots: Which Super Bowl Team’s Fans Are More Awesomely Ridiculous?
Category 1: Unnecessarily Creepy Costumes
Patriots:
Giants:
Verdict: Giants. The Patriots “Saw” fan certainly scores creepy points with his “Death looking out at you from the Sistine Chapel wall” gaze, but he’s also wearing a store-bought mask, whereas those two Giants guys look like they might actually abduct you and torture you with some sort of elaborately brutal scenario to make you appreciate life (followed by 9 sequels). Edge goes to creativity + plausibility(-of-actual-murder).
JanuaryAnimal Planet just announced the official starting lineup for Puppy Bowl VIII – we’re still more than two weeks away from the biggest sporting event of the year, but that won’t stop us from LETTING THE CUTE DEBATES BEGIN!
Here’s a sneak peek of our 10 Favorite Players From The 2012 Puppy Bowl, ranked in order of cuteness. It’s not an exact science, we know – it’s more of a puppularity contest:
10. Eurika, Chihuahua / Terrier Mix
9. Calvin, Dachshund
January
Alabama beat LSU 21-0 in last night’s BCS Championship game, which was generally a pretty boring game that we don’t really need to talk about on our popular-cultural humour site.
What we DO need to talk about on our popular-cultural humour site, however, is that LSU safety Tyrann Mathieu is nicknamed “The Honey Badger” – a tip of the cap to one of last year’s most-watched viral videos – and during last night’s game, ESPN announcer Brent Musburger referred to “The Honey Badger” literally fourteen times in under 3 hours.
Fortunately, Deadspin has compiled every “Honey Badger” mention from last night’s broadcast into one convenient “Obviously we’re going to watch this stupid thing” video. Think 14 mentions is too many? Brent Musburger don’t give a sh*t. (Click the pic below to watch):
January
Approximately every 2-3 months, I take a detailed look at my cable bill and say to myself something along the lines of, “Wait a minute, I’m paying $856 a month for HBO?? If I cancel that, I might actually be able to save enough money in the next two decade to send one of my kids to a semester of college. Is it really worth it?”
Then HBO will calmly respond, “Hey Dan – we appreciate your concern, feel free to cancel any time. Also, here’s a sneak peek of Game Of Thrones Season 2. What’s that? You’re staying? Great. Also, the price is now $956. Thanks!”
Today’s installment in this ongoing saga: The trailer for Season 3 of Eastbound And Down, in which Kenny Powers delivers a motivational speech to a group of lucky children. You win againnnnnn, HBOOOOOOOOO:
(via Warming Glow)
Michelle Collins
Managing Editor
Dan Hopper
Senior Editor
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