caption this, similebrities, and other general photo-based posts
June
Robert Tappinson
ABOUT TO BE MURDERED
A Fan (we think) at the ‘Eclipse’ Premiere
“MAMA I’M BACK! MAMA, WHERE MY EYES? YOU GAVE THEM TO A LITTLE BOY IN IDAHO? NOW I’VE GOT TO KILL HIM TO GET MY EYES BACK!” — CHRIS ROCK
Taylor Lautner (Seriously, Where His Eyes At?)
ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED BY THE WORLD’S WORST ARTIST
Kristen Stewart
June
First Miley Cyrus goes flashin’ her v to a bunch of underaged kids, and the next thing you know, babies are smoking bongs.
We kid, of course. The above photo of a baby with adorably blurry features “smoking” out of a bong are just plain wrong. His 19-year-old mother, who we hope is being contacted for next season of MTV’s Teen Moms, claims the photo which she posted on her Facebook page is just a joke:
The 19-year-old mother posted this message on her Facebook page: “If u look at the picture u can see that there is no bowl in the TABACCO (sic) pipe. And i took a pic to show one (expletive) person and it was a mistake. I would never ever ever let him get high.”
You should know she was probably super high when she did this, so really, can you trust her?
Here’s the real question, though: What is happening to the world’s youth? First, there was that super-fat Indonesian baby throwing back 2 packs of cigarettes a day like a small, burnt Lou Reed, and now this? Can we just all promise to keep sticks that are lit on fire away from our infants!?
In this woman’s defense, it should be noted this is not the worst drug ever given to a baby. That being said, this will surely be the most adorable episode of Intervention evvies.
[Photo via Splash News Online]
June
What is it with Helen Mirren lately? Sure, she’s the Queen of “Hot Grandma Celebrity,” but lately, we feel like Mirren is getting just a tad too desperate, and, as a result, much more elderly seeming. First, she’s taking naked bathtub photos for New York Magazine, and now, the ultimate in lowest of the low: Standing next to Bai Ling.
The two appeared together on the red carpet for the premiere of their new movie Love Ranch, where Mirren plays a madame in a Reno whorehouse, and people like Bai Ling and Gina Gershon are her “ladies.”
In our opinion, the only saving grace of this film is Joe Pesci, the most beloved actor of our time, who plays Helen’s husband in the film. A probably Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci sex scene? F*ck the iPhone 4, we’re lining up for this sh*t right now.
[Photos via Splash News Online]
JuneHere’s Justin Bieber posing with a really happy-looking dolphin:
On a related note, if I were 11, I’d be dragging this to school every day:
Damn – if there’s ever been a reason to invent a time machine, it’s so that I can travel back in time and own that Trapper Keeper. I was on the fence about whether or not we should have time machines, but now I’m all for them.
More Bieber Dolphin pics — aka, legal porn for 10 year olds — in the gallery below:
June“Hey Joe, big favor – I’ve got my hands tied with this whole reacting to the Israel flotilla situation without sacrificing our influence on the cusp of a UN anti-nuclear resolution for the Middle East which could be the difference between peace and a nuclear war within the decade. Do you mind going to that Sesame Street dinner?”
“On it!”
June
Is Lance Bass ganking some of Adam Lambert’s swagga? That smokey eye is winking us yes. It didn’t take much to transform Lance Bass into an Adam Lambert lookalike. Photographer Mike Ruiz is responsible for the following photoshoot, which incorporated jet black lipstick, eye makeup sillyputtied off a tranny’s face, and a faraway green-eyed stare that somehow rings empty; hollow. Lance Bass was not cut out for this look. But God bless him for trying.
Sidenote: We will spend the next 9 hours perfecting this eye-makeup. Why is it only female impersonators can ever get this look done right? My smoky eyes are the Virginia Slims to the above Marlboro Light 100s.
(via ONTD and Lance Bass’ Facebook)
MayHere’s Rip Torn outside his courtroom hearing today, giving a thumbs up as if to say “Yarrr, matey, I now be a sea captain!”
What a clichéd celebrity tactic – converting to sea captain right after you’re charged with a crime. I’m not buying it.
May
Big big big big big news. Matt LeBlanc, known to the world as the idiotic Joey on Friends and the unwatchable Joey on Joey, is back. And ladiessss and fans of Anderson Cooper gentlemen, HE HAS GONE GRAY. And forgive us, but holy sh*t, Matt LeBlanc looks hotter than he ever has in this history of his LeBlancness. “Could He Get Any Grayer?” — Gay Chandler wonders, and hope the answer is yes.
Matt drew LeBlanc stares while filming the upcoming Showtime/BBC series Episodes, a new series from Friends creator David Crane about a British television series that is being remade for American audiences, a la The Office or Coupling. Matt LeBlanc will be playing Matt LeBlanc. No jokes, he’s playing himself. Sounds to me like the best work Matt has gotten since his appearance in the Chabad Telethon.
But seriously, folks, sounds interesting. Showtime has been on a roll lately with their original programming. I, for one, will be watching. And only 99.9 percent of that has to do with LeBlanc’s new hair color.
MayNo matter what excuse I come up with to post these photos of models in Madrid trying out the new Wonderbra by jumping on a trampoline and try to make fun of it in some haughty, “I’m too cool to actually care about these pics” blogger kinda way, the post would still clearly just be an excuse to post pics of lingerie models jumping on trampolines, because people on the internet seem to click on that sorta thing.
So, rather than fight this impulse with my detached, consciously self-assured blogger cynicism, I’m just gonna go 180 degrees the other way and post the photos as shamelessly as possible. Introduce a new feature…
DANZ BONER KORNER: Check Out These Models In Wonderbras Jumping On Trampolines!!!
I would’ve made a PETA joke, for the record.
May
Ladies and ladies, gather round, for today, your shark god, your wolf boy, your Twilight brethren, Taylor Lautner, has been immortalized in pen and ink with his very own comic book. It’s called Fame: Taylor Lautner, and features Taylor look casual as he tries to read a wristwatch about 500 ft. away while simultaneously clenching the challah loaf that has been hot glued to his stomach.
Start lining up: The book will be made available for purchase in August. Until then, just hang your laptop up on the ceiling over your bed and sweet dreams.
Check out the gallery below for some preview views of Taylor’s comic book, swinging into a girl’s room to probably make love to her and/or watch Gossip Girl, and unsheathing the beast that is living beneath his shoulder blades. Looking forward to Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart’s comic where in every single frame they refuse to just take a rinse.
[Photos via Splash News Online]
Michelle Collins
Managing Editor
Dan Hopper
Senior Editor
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