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11 August
Thursday

Famous Beautiful Black Women Praise Patti LaBelle, LOL-Style

I don’t totally know what this is, to be completely honest with you. If I give it my best guess, it’s some sort of comedic video art piece in which some brilliant mind(s?) impersonate a handful of very famous, very powerful Black female luminaries in the arts and entertainment speaking on Patti LaBelle’s receiving the Lifetime Achievement Award at this year’s BET Awards.

In case you’re not convinced, let’s do a roll call: Oprah, Nicki, Lil Kim, Rihanna, Mariah, Fantasia, Aretha, Whitney, Janet, Tyra, Diana, Beyonce, Tina, Chaka, and Maya Angelou (and Christina!!!) (OMG AND BLU CANTRELL!!!)

This is gold (as is the accompanying fake Patti LaBelle Twitter), especially for my fellow gay Jews who secretly grew up wishing Miss Patti was their Bubbe, but they would never tell their grandma because she would have probably died from heartache.

Videos NSFW, but who caaaares?

Part One:

Part Two:

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11 August
Thursday

Derek Busord’s Creepy Britney Spears Remix Goes The Distance In Terms Of Being Weird

We live in a really strange world now. We are at a point at which we — as adults — say things like “I hope Britney Spears will see my music video and Tweet at me.” Huh? We say that? We do. We say that. Well, this guy [in the video] does.

A kid named Derek Busord made this video art mindf*ck thing called “Til The World Dens” — which feels like a cross between “When The World Ends” and the slowed-down version of pageant baby Eden Wood singing pedophilia anthem “Cutie Patootie” on The Talk — might be autistic, as the rest of his videos tend to also fall well ahead on the Nightmare Spectrum.

But we’re no doctors. We just bring you the weirdo internet garbage to show your co-workers, and here’s hoping that only the best can come of it (“the best” being that Busord clocks, like, 100,000 views, and good for him).

Thanks for the tip, Jeff!

10 August
Wednesday

Your Middle-Aged Dad, A. Samuels, Is A Rapper Now

You can thank Rebecca Black for A. Samuels. She widely popularized the idea of monetizing off of a “so-bad-it’s-good” cultural meme, and now it’s A Thing. It’s so much of A Thing that someone’s dad, A. Samuels, released a rap record called “Living The Life” in which he boasts about being the owner of an Atlantic City casino. He paid someone to help him make a “song” (a la the Ark Music Factory), and now his YouTube video will likely blow up, considering that we can deduce that he is either in on the joke, and if not, holy guacamole!

He smokes! He wears white sweatshirts! He has cars! He makes gestures with his hands! He calls women “b*tches!” It’s all terrible, but it’s something we can laugh at together because the internet has brought us that much closer to one another. So let’s all hold cyberhands and point and laugh at this sad dad who turned his midlife crisis into what will likely be on of 2011′s most viral dumb things.

[via Vulture]

10 August
Wednesday

Britney Spears: Now For Horses!!!

If you thought it was funny when Bravo used Britney Spears‘s summer jam, “I Wanna Go,” as the anthem for its new programming block (ALWAYS TRICK JILL ZARIN DURING TRUST FALLS), have we got news for you: HORSES LIKE BRITNEY, TOO!

In fact, someone went ahead and set footage of their horseytimes to what some might call the best song off of Femme Fatale (*waving hands back and forth*). Who in their right mind would have guessed that seeing a remix of a kid horseback riding set to The Britness could single-handedly prove why YouTube is sometimes #thebest?

[via Zero Views]

9 August
Tuesday

Voca People Is Like Blue Man Group-Meets-Glee, Only Slightly More Terrifying

The Voca People are friendly aliens from the planet Voca, somewhere behind the sun…where all communication is made by music and vocal expressions.

Okay! That is the official description of the Off Broadway show, Voca People, in which white folks (as in literally white, not Caucasian) do something where they live off Musical Energy as aliens on Earth just trying to get by on the sweet sounds of melody and beatboxing. It’s like if Blue Man Group had a baby with Stomp, and that baby was both a big Glee fan and also a weirdo.

In appearing on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, the Voca People are able to impress and terrifying on an equal plane, which is never an easy task, unless you’re Mel Gibson filming the sequel to Schindler’s List. #HEYO

[via Playbill]

9 August
Tuesday

Battle Of The Boy Band Bulges: A.J. McLean And Joey McIntyre In Their Underwear

Huh. Okay. Well, I guess it was a “prank” when Joey McIntyre of New Kids On The Block and A.J. McLean of Backstreet Boys went onstage in their respective undergarments on the last leg of their NKOTBSB tour in Ontario? Very funny stuff. These guys are, like, 100 now, but both of them look pretty awesome in their underwear!

Just kidding — Joey, as always, looks hawwwwt. A.J. looks like his usual self — bonkers, and way too old to dress all weird. He still does that sad thing where he shaves his head and wears fedoras and eye make up to distract us, but we’re like, Dude, you look fine. And we know you’re bald. It’s cool! Seriously, if he just cooled out, he’d be The Hotness.

Anyway, here they both are in their underwear, reminding us that “the right stuff” is right there in their pantaloons.

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8 August
Monday

Stefon Urquelle Surfaces For Cee Lo’s New Music Video, “Cry Baby”

Do The Urkel! JK JK JK, don’t do The Urkel just yet. Jaleel White probably doesn’t want you to do The Urkel since he’s been forever bogged down with the eternal job of America’s Favorite Nerd (sorry, Screech!).

Steve Urkel was and will always be a legend, which is why it was quite a savvy move for Cee Lo to enlist Jaleel White to play him in his newest music video, “Cry Baby.” Perhaps trying harder than ever to avoid typecasting, Jaleel brings out his own, Stefon Urkelle-styler ladykiller-heartbreaker in what is a very cute, retro video that continues to tamper with our childhood memories of Jaleel White not being really effing hot.

Down with Urkel, up with Jaleel!!! More of this, plz!!!

5 August
Friday

The Best Pictures Of The Biggest Pretzel M&M-Filled Piñata In The Whole World

Considering that Cee Lo often dresses like an M&M in monochromatic tracksuits (someone’s jackin’ your swag, Sue Sylvester!), it only makes sense that he helped the iconic candy celebrate the first birthday of their pretzel flavor (happy birthday, pretzel M&M’s LOL) by breaking the Guinness World Record for World’s Largest Pinata…which was FILLED WITH PRETZEL M%M’S!!!

As someone whose sweet tooth is so potent that every weekend is basically me begging diabetes to infect my body, I can officially say that this is a dream come true for dessert nerds like myself. Being at a Cee Lo concert would be awesome to begin with, but to get caught up in a mosh pit filled with chocolate, salt, pretzel, and a hard candy shell? SIGN ME UP!

TAKE ME NOW, CHOCOLATE GODS!

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5 August
Friday

Saved By The Bell: The Gory Years

You wouldn’t know it from looking at him playing a ripoff of Zack Morris, but Miles Fisher is maximum gorgeousity, unparalleled. Suffice it to say, he’s got everything going for him, considering he’s an actor with an increasingly progressive resume and he has the time to write music and accompany the songs with awesome YouTube videos because that’s how we live now. We know what Miles Fisher does in his time off. #2011

Anyway, so he wrote a song called “New Romance,” and its video — directed by Dave Green (and featuring ubiquitous goofball David Koechner) — is …how do you say… radical? Gnarly? Totally tubular, dude? See where we’re going with this? It’s a bloody, gory, acerbic spoof of Saved By The Bell, and aside from the gratuitous blood, it’s pretty dead-on in its satire of that tasty slice of the early nineties.

Believe us, after you’re done watching this video, you’ll feel “so excited, so excited, [and] so scared.” [Video NSFW]

[via Vulture]

4 August
Thursday

Some Guy Weighs In On Christina Aguilera/Kelly Osbourne Feud

IMPORTANT CELEBRITY NEWS: Kelly Osbourne and Christina Aguilera don’t really get along! In fact, they’ve had an ongoing feud for years, in which the gifted singer has thrown shade at singer? actress? Ozzy Osbourne‘s kid, Kelly. But now that Kelly has lost weight (which, in itself, is her best bet as securing herself an ongoing seat the Famous-For-Nothing Table), she’s happily jabbed Xtina for fluctuating in size because, hey, a skinny white b*tch is a skinny white b*tch (sorry, feminism!).

In critiquing Christina’s sartorial choices on E!’s Fashion Police, Kelly avoided her actual job, instead saying, “Maybe she is just becoming the fat b*tch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me. And she bought my house!” She added, “She called me fat for so many f***ing years, so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat, too.”

Instead of us chiming it mention how barbaric, childish, and archaic this all is (because why should Kelly Osbourne, of all people, be considered some sort of voice of reason — what are those qualifications exactly?), we’ll let vlogger The Infamous Pank Cup Boy take them to task. Break it down, dude, and take ‘em to task:

(NSFW video after the jump)

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