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9 May
Wednesday

The Weirdest, Greatest Avengers Review You’ll Ever See

By now, we all pretty much know the critical consensus on The Avengers: Super-fun, super-crazy, and a little scattershot but in a chaotic and entertaining way. The reviews themselves, however, are usually incredibly boring and repetitive, and rarely contain upside-down talking chin people.

Instead, check out this video entitled “Two Chins Review The Avengers,” in which two weird, sentient upside-down chins explain in chinly detail why they loved the movie. It is entertaining and fittingly internet-nonsensical (though their observation that Ron Howard really knows how to make a movie is SPOT ON):

8 May
Tuesday

Perfect Thing: “What If Boy Avengers Posed Like The Girl Avenger?”

Steve Niles posted this re-imagined version of the Avengers movie poster entitled “What If The Male Avengers Posed Like The Female One?”, and it is perfect and needs no further explanation:

I thought that IS how The Hulk usually posed? I need to pay some more attention. Either way, really takes me back to the early 90s when Marvel cards gradually became my gateway to pornography.

Seriously though, Hollywood, how about you class this sh*t up and be more like the G.I. Joe movie poster?

(via @steveniles)

7 May
Monday

“Kickboxer: Just The Kicking” Is One Minute Shorter Than The Movie Kickboxer

Kickboxer Supercut

Do you love the Van Damme movie Kickboxer, but just can’t stand all that boring down-time between kicks? (I know I begin a lot of posts with jokey, specific hypotheticals, but this time, I COMPLETELY FEEL THIS WAY).

Good news! Here’s every single kick from the movie Kickboxer kicked together into one kickin’ Supercut (kneeings included!) Basically, if you took this video and added the scene where the sensei drops the coconut onto Van Damme’s abs from a tree, you would have the entire movie Kickboxer:

My review? This punches ass!

(via FilmDrunk)

3 May
Thursday

Watch Loki From The Avengers Perform The Sh*t Out Of A Henry V Monologue

Here’s Tom Hiddleston, aka Loki from Thor and The Avengers, appearing on Fuse’s Hoppus On Music to obligingly performing one of his favorite Shakespearean monologues, the “God for Harry, England, and Saint George” speech from Henry V.

Hiddleston starts out the monologue as if he’s politely going along with the request, then quickly gets SUPER into it; good thing he didn’t deliver this speech in The Avengers, or evil would’ve been too riled-up to be defeated. Actually, I haven’t seen The Avengers yet, so it’s very likely that this happens (it’s the 9th after-credits scene, right before they reveal the next Spider-Man after Andrew Garfield):

(via @haulihan)

2 May
Wednesday

“Grand Piano” Is The Speed-Like Elijah Wood Piano Thriller You’ve Been Waiting For

Grand Piano Movie Poster Elijah Wood

Before we criticize this forthcoming thriller about Elijah Wood being forced to play piano to save his family’s life, take one second to honestly answer the question: How much would you obviously watch a thriller about Elijah Wood being forced to play piano to save his family’s life? (If your answer drops under fifty “Yes!”es a minute, you explode with lies.)

THR’s synopsis of the upcoming Elijah Wood thriller, Grand Piano:

The story concerns a once-great concert pianist who suffers from stage fright and comes back to perform after a five-year hiatus. Just when he’s about to play the first bar, he notices somebody has written a threatening note on his music sheet. He’s now forced to play his best concert ever to save his life as well as his wife’s. Think Speed at a piano.

Can Elijah Wood’s character stay alive by hitting the same note rapidly, like in the song “Raw Power”? Or can the bomb recognize musical quality? Is there a bomb? I assume the movie involves a bomb with discerning musical tastes, played by Gale from Breaking Bad.

Either way, it’s about time we unofficially got a second Speed movie. What, there was an actual Speed sequel on a boat? I think I’d recall such a thing if I watched it on HBO three times in 1998. Are you sure you’re not thinking of Speed Reading?

(via Gawker)

1 May
Tuesday

An Utterly Necessary Supercut Of Val Kilmer Taking Off His Glasses

Val Kilmer Glasses Supercut

Us: How much more specific can these Supercuts possibly get?

Internet: Here’s one of Val Kilmer taking off his glasses over and over again in movies!

Us: That was a rhetorical question, Internet, you didn’t have to answer.

Internet: Oh. Well. Here’s one of Val Kilmer taking off his glasses over and over again in movies!

Us: Uh, thanks. [Instantly Watch 4 Times]:

(via Videogum)

1 May
Tuesday

Amar’e Stoudemire’s Glass-Punching Injury Re-Enacted As A True Lies GIF

New York Knicks forward Amar’e Stoudamire injured himself when he punched through a glass fire extinguisher case after New York’s Game 2 loss to Miami, and could miss the remainder of his team’s playoff series after suffering severe lacerations on his hand.

Sadly, no video exists of the actual Stoudamire glass-punching incident, but through the magic of ‘deciding to make a dumb internet thing,’ we’ve re-enacted Stoudamire’s injury using a GIF-ized version of our favorite True Lies clip:

Yep, that is EXACTLY how it went down. Stoudamire even screamed in a Schwarzenegger voice, “Geev me the goddamn DEFENSE!” while punching. And the actual Tom Arnold was standing there and just looked at Stoudamire calmly.

Related note – was anyone else bothered by the fact that Last Action Hero had a joke about Schwarzenegger always punching through glass without injury, then one year later True Lies had a scene where he did exactly that? ME TOOOOOO!!!!!!!

This concludes our Exclusive NBA Playoff coverage for the day. TONS more tomorrow.

(GIF courtesy of resident GIF-izer @laurenkaye!)

1 May
Tuesday

The Last Song On The Rock Of Ages Movie Soundtrack Is Not Real

Much has been said about the forthcoming Rock Of Ages film adaptation, from “Is this real” when we first heard about it to “Seriously, is this real?” when we saw the trailer, but the movie soundtrack was just unveiled, and I really can’t wrap my head around some of these.

Check out the last track on the album:

20. “Don’t Stop Believin’” – Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Mary J. Blige

Wh..whaaa? That’s a real thing, really recorded on a real album? That people will listen to and be like “Yeah! Sing that song I’m not tired of, Tom Cruise and Russell Brand!”

I just time-traveled back to six months ago and showed that to my past self and my past self was like “WHY ARE ALL THOSE WORDS IN A ROW, that’s can’t possibly be a real thing” and I was like “Oh just you wait!” then I made out with myself and it was actually pretty decent!

Come to think of it, the first track on the album wouldn’t have seemed real either if we’d seen it last year:

(more…)

1 May
Tuesday

This New Dark Knight Rises Trailer Looks Pretty Stupid, No?

New Dark Knight Rises TrailerThe entire internet is posting the new Dark Knight Rises trailer today, as if any new footage of the film can possibly make me want to see it more than my current level of 9,000,000% (mathematically the highest percent possible).

I just watched the trailer myself and frankly, and not to be inflammatory, but I just don’t see what the big deal is.

Watch the new trailer below, and see if you can make any sense out of this:

Weird, right? I mean, I guess those pens are pretty cool if you need to like, sign stuff or whatever, and 95 cents is a sweet bat-deal, but where was Christian Bale in this thing? And no Bane? And what was with the film quality? Those pens are gonna look like garbage on IMAX.

I don’t know, I’m still confident Christopher Nolan’s gonna pull this out. And worse case scenario, I wouldn’t mind a consolation muffin / Catwoman meow-pen combo.

At least it still makes a little more sense than the last Dark Knight Rises trailer.

26 April
Thursday

Quentin Tarantino’s Next Movie “Django Unchained” Sounds Nice And Normal

EW posted stills and a detailed synopsis of Quentin Tarantino’s next film, “Django Unchained”, which sounds like a departure from Tarantino’s standard template of “uplifting family adventure” and into some unexpected realm of “bizarre, stylized hyperviolence”:

After being sent to a chain gang after rebelling against his owners, Django is recruited by a German bounty hunter (Inglorious Basterds Oscar winner Christoph Waltz) to help him settle an old score. Django has information that Waltz’s Dr. King Schultz needs, so the German mercenary liberates the slave and promises that if he helps him kill the Brittle brothers, Django’s old owners, he’ll make it worth his while.

Along the way, the duo end up crossing paths with Leonardo DiCaprio’s hammer-wielding character (below), a deranged plantation owner named Calvin Candie, who likes to make his toughest slaves fight to the death in gladiatorial combat.

So…it’s not a Django Reinhardt biopic? Or maybe it is one and that dude lived a CRAZY life?

Regardless, Tarantino has more than earned a “going to see it excitedly no matter what it is” Pixar-pass in my book, so hearing these details just makes that existing wanting-to-see-it slightly more specific. It’s just amusing that at this point, you can hear the synopsis of a new Tarantino movie and unironically think “Escaped slave and bounty hunter cross paths with gladiator-lording plantation owner? Sounds pretty standard.”

(More at EW.com)