And guess what? It includes a very special appearance by sultry crooner and resident bestie John Mayer himself!! Have fun deciding who has the REAL crazy eyes… because we’re pretty sure it’s John.

• Following our on-board liveblogging (parts One, Two, and Three)…
• We spent a little QT with John Mayer himself, who was generous enough to hug us for over 2 minutes.
• We laughed with Sherrod, cried with Colbie, and Brian and I managed to complete a TON of stuff off of our bucket lists on the cruise, meaning we can now easily “pass into the night”!!

But believe it or not, other non-Mayer related activities occurred on this very website. A sampling of the best:

• Alex Blagg gets all hot and bothered about the cancellation of Friday Night Lights, and asks that you send broken glass to NBC President Ben Silverman.
• We’re going to Westminster next week! We kick things off by meeting last year’s winner… and falling in love.
• Oh, look at this: It’s the world’s tiniest sit-up!
• Best Week Ever introduces two new columns: Dear Alex and Wisdom According to Jim.
• Let’s take a walk down Britney Memory Lane, which, yes, does involve underage boobage, you freaks.
• Anyone celebrating Foobruary? No? What about FuBuary? I thought so.
• And finally — how is Joe Cocker doing? Yup… Still Constipated.

Make sure to catch Best Week Ever tonight at 9 PM, 11 PM and all weekend long!!

Will Brian successfully recreate the scenes from Titanic? Will he also make me sort of uncomfortable by splaying himself on a peach leather couch? Will I get the chance to make an announcement on the cruise’s loudspeaker? And will Brian get the “John Workout” from Mayer’s real-life personal trainer? The video answers all those questions… and more.

So really, if you’ve got a few spare minutes, check it out. We worked really hard on it, and are proud of the results. (/sincerity)

Note: The video is under 3 minutes, and not 7, like iFilm states. Technology!

Make sure to head over to VH1.com, for more info on all the musicians on board, as well as video and photos of the performances!

BONUS:

After the jump, some fun DVD EASTER EGGS!

Did you know:

• During the actual Titanic scene where Jack sketches Rose, director James Cameron‘s hands were swapped with Leonardo’s during the close-ups of the sketch. I thought it would be funny to swap my hands with our Executive Producer, who is a few shades darker than me and also, a man. Little did we know on camera, our hands would look nearly the same, save for, well, arm hair. Hence, we added that yellow disclaimer, just to avoid any confusion, as well explain a poorly executed joke.
• For the record: I did, in fact, sketch that genius photo of Brian, areola and all.
• During the final scene: You may notice that I’m, for lack of a better word, trashed. (You can thank the ship’s double apple martinis — served in a beer stein — for that.) The story goes like this: Remember how the Superbowl was happening on Sunday? Well after a long day of taping, we decided to shoot that scene during the last. effing. quarter. Me being the only one who cared about the sports/pop-culture history happening out there in the universe. You will notice, beneath my slightly burned bloated face, that I am, how do you say, “pissed”?
• Our Biggest Fan Cameo! During the Titanic pool scene, keep your eyes peeled for Debbie, our biggest fan on the boat! She got all of our autographs, and is downright fantastic. Debbie, we love you too.
• Brian was actually shirtless. That was not CGI.
• Needless to say: “This trip was the most erotic experience of my life.”

He covers everything from his upcoming album, to cruise ships, to competing with James Blunt… even taking a moment to cover Britney Spears‘ “Piece of Me.” And oh yeah… we hug.

So check out my exclusive Mayercraft Carrier interview with John Mayer!

FYI: While I normally have what could be described as a “sultry” voice, a case of on-board laryngitis caused me to sound like the ghost of Paul Robeson in the above video. As of my last physical, I’m testicle-free! The fact that I didn’t show up in a gown and prom updo… well for that, I have no excuse.

“Women are f**king evil… but you got the vagina, so check mate.” – Sherrod Small

And speaking of Special Moments with John Mayer…

I’m not gonna lie or take the high road on this… I’m kind of a changed woman.

Also, remind me to tell you about that time I met John Mayer on a cruise ship while simultaneously forgetting to “do” my “hair” because I was too busy “blogging.” Or about that time I had a senile blind dead woman pack my luggage to go on said cruise. White blazer, Collins? Really?

Harpingly,
Michelle

So instead of doing a long recap post about our last night on board, I’ve got to go shove the handful of rags I brought on board into a bindle and hit the road. But for those of you wondering how the cruise was overall… well, I’m pretty sure this picture sums it up nicely:

The Mayercraft Carrier so far is going swimmingly… not literally, of course, as in that case we would be sinking. On Saturday, the boat docked in the Bahamas, and the BWE crew took a break from the slowest internet connection on the planet to head over to a pretty spectacular beach in order to work on our sunglasses tan. On the way over to the beach, we shared a van with two soccer-mommish ladies from Lincoln, Nebraska, who were in better moods than we had ever been in our entire lives. The conversation began innocently enough — talk of locations, cruise food, etc. — but quickly devolved into the most base of exchanges: What Does John Mayer‘s Ass Look Like? The gals from Nebraska quickly intimated that his ass is probably kind of flat, while I personally took the high road, instead discussing what Jon Bon Jovi’s ass looks like (two baby apples in a pleather sack, for the record.) Nebraska Mom #1 settled the argument by saying “Who cares what his ass looks like? It’s what those lips can do that I care about!” and then shrieked with laughter for the remainder of the trip, while the rest of the van learned the definition of “collective shudder.”

4 hours of beach time tucked firmly under our sunburns — and 15 minutes of myself and Brian Faas realizing that “Ocean Trampoline” is actually code for “Quick and Bloodless Death” — we realized we had to get back to the ship in order to prepare for our most anticipated event of the weekend… THE 80s PROM!

When I first learned that there was to be an 80s Prom on board the Mayercraft, I immediately broke down sobbing, got into a fight with my best friend, ate 300 hors dourves off the nearest table, and promptly lost my virginity to the captain of the lacrosse team… THAT is how excited I was! And folks, the people on board did NOT let me down — folks broke out their most convincing, mind-boggling puff-sleeved dresses and tuxedos in order to remember just how unflattering that decade was. Check out this group of people eating dinner next to us:

After the jump: Many more on board antics! Photos! Oh, and the laughs. Click to keep reading.

The festivities were to commence later that night in the cruiseship’s nightclub. But before the party, the Best Week Ever crew stopped by to see a familiar face work his undeniable charms on hordes of eager young ladies… that gentleman of course being…

Sherrod Small! Yes, BWE’s dear Sherrod killed in front of a standing-room crowd of at least 300 people who laughed at all of his various slurs, whether it be about Asians, Blacks, Whites or Asians. Sherrod was on fire and our laughs were the gasoline that fueled his flames and, apparently, my extended metaphors. But the comedy didn’t end there folks! That’s because, following Sherrod’s killer performance, and directly after roughly 294 people exited the theater, it was time for something called Joke-E-Oke! Like karaoke, only you tell jokes, and then bomb without any music behind you. So clearly, we had to stick around for it!

It ended up being a blast — Brian Faas hit the stage doing Roseanne Barr jokes (including some riffs about DJ trying on a training bra), and I went with my old favorite, Chris Rock. And here’s the funny thing about Joke-E-Oke!: It seems like the more alcohol you have… the funnier you’ll be. I say this because I had no less than 6 apple martinis before getting on stage, and ended up killing with the 8 drunk people in the crowd brave enough to stick around.

Lo and behold, I made it to the finals, where I went up against an amazing girl named Star, who had killed with her Monique performance.

Following the Joke-E-Oke! antics, the Best Week Ever crew headed over to the “Big Event”, i.e. 80′s Prom.

And the outfits… oh, the outfits…

Yes, John Mayer made a surprise appearance at The 80′s Prom, causing a near riot in the cramped, dark space. John happily obliged to pose in photos with his fans, and seemed in good spirits regarding the whole Gang Riot happening before his very eyes…

But through all this mass hysteria, through all the throttling intensity of seeing a MAJOR CELEBRITY in a Carnival Cruise nightclub, there was one guy who just couldn’t be bothered with all the mass Mayer-steria. That man being…

Check back later today for more updates from The Mayercraft Carrier!

And the winner for Best Door Ever (in our books goes to)…

Non-Door Related Posts coming up… including Saturday night’s 80′s Prom, and John Mayer at a disco!

As God is our witness, we promise to bring you unblurry, crisp, quirky yet charming pictures of John Mayer before this weekend is over. We just wanted to give you these pictures to prove that he is, in fact, on this here boat.

Keep checking in here at Bestweekever.tv for live updates from The Mayercraft Carrier all weekend long, and make sure to check out VH1.com for info on all the artists onboard!

This cruise is amaymayyy! While we’ve only been on the boat for 7 hours, and sailing for about 2, many fun times have already been had by the Best Week Ever crew. The ship is much much nicer than we had anticipated, albeit in a sort of “Robert Palmer Music Video Circa 1989″ way. No signs of Legionnaires Disease so far, but we still have 3 days to go… so let’s just pretend that’s not even a real disease for now. (Is it even? Oh, right, yes.)

As we were boarding the cruise, we noticed that a lot of people were wearing positively “crazy” t-shirts, including these girls who declared that they would be voting for John Mayer in the 2008 election:

While we can all agree that John Mayer is musically gifted and quite cute, (laughing to myself) I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have what it takes to be president! Though maybe he’s exactly what Hillary needs to appear, as the experts would say, “less monstery”.

We also came across this woman, whose self-made wifebeater gave us plenty of delight:

Spencer of Spencer’s Gifts… hire this woman.

As everyone boarded the ship, my co-workers and I grabbed our first sweet drink (Insulini-tini?) and headed to the top deck to catch the beautiful Miami skyline. We don’t want to rub it in the faces of the 98 percent of you stuck in ice at the moment, but the weather is just delicious. Warm but breezy — so breezy, in fact, that my Mai Tai lost its little UV protective umbrella! And alas, that maraschino cherry would never live to see my world famous stomach lining. Pity.

All aboard time! The ship set sail, and we spent 15 minutes waiving at various Coast Guards along the port, who happily waived back while also kind of pointing their machine guns at our faces. All of a sudden, the piercing screams of 9,000 not-so-young women erupted from the Lido Deck. Funbag Fact: Most of the people on board are women between the ages of 30 to 39. Another fun fact: The remaining people on board are really, really bored husbands.

Sure enough, just as the ship’s horns blared its departure, John Mayer appeared in all his floppy-haired glory, standing on a small stage in the middle of his most adoring, rabid fans.

“Hello!” he yelled to the crowd.

(Pause for 80 minutes of mind-boggling cheering)

“Is this weekend gonna be a kick in the tits or what?”

(Pause for 8 seconds of confusion, then another 20 minutes of cheering)

Mayer went on to ask that his fans (reminder: everyone) shouldn’t ask him for photos, as it takes too long and cuts into his prime cougar-mingling time. So yes, if you were wondering: John Mayer is wandering around the boat sans security, just like any other multi-billionaire acoustic guitar player would do on a cruise named after him. (Please forgive the artist’s rendition of Mayer, seen left. My camera was carelessly left in my cabin. Fear not, however: We’ve got pics of the man on their way, which will be posted tomorrow!)

After John’s brief introductory speech, most of the people on board went back to staring at the gorgeous Miami Beach skyline rolling past the rails. And just as I allowed the decadence of the moment to sink in, just as the wind began whipping my hair into the horizon, just as the sun gently caressed my Elmer’s-inspired visage… a shirtless man with backne for miles rolled up next to me and announced to his friend: “I can’t f**king wait to get druuuuuunk, dude!! Later on, we should throw a cup overboard just to see how far it falls!”

Wish me luck, America.

Now having never been on a cruise before, specifically one hosted by a world-famous singer-songwriter who is, by most accounts, adorable, I wasn’t quite sure what to pack. My gigantic antique Louis Vuitton trunk (purchased 3 days ago in Chinatown) looked oddly empty — save for my bedazzled motion sickness wristbands and navy cruise ship blazer, what does one pack for a 3-Day John Mayer Singing-Songwriting Spectacular on the Bahamian high seas?

In the end, I threw the following into my oversized case: A handful of jeans, an array of flats, a few blazers, a bathing suit, 4,000 sarongs, my favorite boleros (also the name of my upcoming show on the Style network), 2 floor-length gowns, and many many dozens of “underthings”, in case I happen to be thrown overboard once every 6 minutes. So if you’re wondering why my bag weights 54 pounds, now you know.

However, my packing wasn’t foolproof. You know how on every trip, there’s always ONE THING you forget to pack? If you’re lucky, this “one thing” is something trivial: A left shoe; or “pants”. In my case, the ONE THING I forgot is essential to my livelihood… my glasses. Now, to be fair, I do wear contacts for most of the day, but as all contact-wearers/people with eyes know, every now and again it’s good to give the ol’ slimy ping-pongs a break. Alas, there will be no breaks for my eyes. I will either be blindly feeling my way down the cruise corridors a la Sharon Stone at the end of Casino, or, if I’m lucky, I’ll spend the rest of the weekend trying to get Elisabeth Shue to pick me up at the bus station, all while petting a gigantic rat.

It’s getting close to boarding time, so I should be going. Check back here at BestWeekEver.tv later this evening for updates on all things Mayercrafty, as well as for music updates of the artists on board over at VH1.com. Only a few hours til we set sail!! Off to say goodbye to my land legs!

I will personally be liveblogging from the cruise on Friday and all weekend long, while simultaneously filming bits with Best Week Ever‘s Brian Faas on board. I will also personally be skinny dipping in the hummus fountain on the Mediterranean Deck and showing those “Cruise Ship Performers” a thing or two about what “Belting Shirley Bassey” really means.

And, of course, we will do our damndest to become “Besties” with John Mayer, who we really hope will absolutely adore the cornrows we plan on getting in The Bahamas.

So check back in on Friday and all weekend long for all the latest updates from on board The Mayercraft Carrier! And our buddies over at VH1.com will also have updates on all the artists on board. Off to steam press my dozen or so tankinis… TTYL!

And get this: Both myself (that would be Michelle Collins) and BWE’s Brian Faas will be on board for the whole cruise, participating in many of the Cruise-tivities, such as the Best Week Ever Trivia Night and the 80s Prom! Plus, I’ll be liveblogging every day while on board, so that the world can share in the joys of a singer-songwriter oceanic adventure. We’ll also be putting up video of our exploits, though I might want to save the one of me spooning John Mayer on the Poop Deck for TMZ.com.

If you want to join us for the fun, it’s not too late: Tickets are still available for the Mayercraft Carrier, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be, forgive the outdated slang, “Da bommmb son!” So please, get your fat pants on, and we’ll see you on board in February!

Check out this promotional video Mr. Mayer created for this cruise (though please note, that contest is over)… we think the navy blazer/scarf thing is a good look on him: