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In Odder News...

8 February
Wednesday

The Mitt Romney Condom Is Exactly What You Want To See Before Sex

It was only a matter of time – Obama Condoms, meet Mitt Romney Condoms:

Nice job, people who manufactured this – like the Obama condoms, it’s definitely a useful thing that people will regularly use and isn’t just to make tourists in Times Square giggle and get blogs to link to it and make fun of it (oops!) Hehehe…boners.

Still, I think we can all agree: When you think about f***ing and unrestricted access to instruments of birth control, the first thing you think of is Mitt Romney’s NBA-Jam-sized cartoon face. At least I do.

3 February
Friday

Komen Foundation Introduces Pink Breast Cancer Awareness Handgun

The Komen Foundation (the same people from that Planned Parenthood hubbub we just defeated by ‘liking’ our friends’ Facebook statues) is currently sponsoring a new pink handgun in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, for those times when you need people to GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BE AWARE OF BREAST CANCER, RIGHT NOW:

Discount Gun Sales has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Foundation to offer a pink version of its popular Walther P-22 handgun in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…

An undisclosed portion from the sale of each Walther P-22 “Hope Edition” will be donated to the Seattle Branch of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The gun retails for $429.99.

The Hope Edition has “an exclusive DuraCoat Pink slide in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness month,” according to the promotion. “Utilizing the same reliable controls and firing mechanism that has made the Walther P-22 America’s top selling handgun, the Hope Edition will be a limited production pistol offered exclusively through Discount Gun Sales.”

Alright! First things first, let’s listen to “America, F*ck Yeah!” five times. Second, isn’t this gun already unlockable in N64 Goldeneye? Third, we could probably figure out some literary symbolism in the fact that the organization that came out against Planned Parenthood also sponsored a device designed for ending lives, but we’ll leave that to Robert Frost. He’s dead? Fine, then the Robert Frost Tumblr.

All I’m saying is, Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. Make it happen.

(Thanks, @ryeisenberg!)

1 February
Wednesday

Alien Boob Dress Steals The Show At Rome Fashion Week

We saw some awesomely ridiculous outfits at Paris Fashion Week last week, but Rome’s Fashion Week may have raised the bar even higher (in terms of boobs) with this number from the Gianni Molaro show, affectionately titled “Fishlike Alien With A Literal Boob In The Center”:

It’s kind of like, “Pan’s Labyrinth pale monster” meets “a boob.” Frankly, it’s about time a fashion designer finally listened to one of my emails.

Also for the record, I do note that these types of high fashion offerings are more for artistic purposes than for actually-wearing-them purposes, but with that being said, I’ll take ten.

(pic via Getty Images)

25 January
Wednesday

New Study Proves That Bacon Stops Nosebleeds, Is Indeed Magic

We all know that bacon is literally magical and can do anything, but according to a new study at the Detroit Medical Center, “Anything” now includes “The ability to stop nosebleeds”:

A new medical study recommends a method called “nasal packing with strips of cured pork” as an effective way to treat uncontrollable nosebleeds…

“Cured salted pork crafted as a nasal tampon and packed within the nasal vaults successfully stopped nasal hemorrhage promptly, effectively, and without sequelae … To our knowledge, this represents the first description of nasal packing with strips of cured pork for treatment of life-threatening hemorrhage in a patient with Glanzmann thrombasthenia.”

So there you have it – finally, a justification for shoving bacon strips up your nose after years of us just doing that to get closer to the smell and looking foolish. Not anymore! “I have a nosebleed” BOOM – porknose. Everybody wins.

Next question – is sticking strips of pork up one’s nose to stop a nosebleed Kosher? Let’s just assume any deity would laugh.

23 January
Monday

Paris Fashion Week Nails It Again With Stylish And Practical Pinhead Mask

Who says high fashion can’t also be practical? Here’s a charming outfit from the Thom Browne 2013 Menswear Collection at Paris Fashion Week:

Great outfit! You know, anyone can throw together something crazy and high-minded for a masturbatory crowd of insulated like-minded fashionites, but to design something fashionable that you can also wear anywhere – like this Hellraiser-mask / open-midrift dog-coat ensemble – really takes a whole other level of skill.

My only complaint about this outfit, and I know this is nitpicky, but it’s from the “Autumn/Winter 2013″ Thom Browne Menswear line, but to me, everything about this outfit screams Summer. Right? I’m no expert, but I have snuck into one Fashion show once.

After the jump, check out another similarly stylish and practical outfit from Thom Browne’s Paris Fashion Week show:

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18 January
Wednesday

Sounds Necessary: Ferrari Introduces $450 Luxury Headphones

Ferrari automakers just unveiled their first-ever line of Ferrari Headphones, metallic noise-canceling headphones that currently retail for £299 (approx $459 USD):

Pricy, sure, but they truly are the “Cadillac” of headphones.

Also, if you like one very expensive thing that a company is super famous for, why wouldn’t you also like another very expensive thing that the same company just started making and completely isn’t known for? If you have a problem with that logic, you can speak to my $900 Rolex three-hole punch.

(pic via Splash News)

10 January
Tuesday

World’s Largest Gumball Machine Perfect For World’s Largest Social Studies Desk

Oh hey. What’s the largest gumball machine you’ve ever seen? DON’T EVEN ANSWER THAT cause it’s probably NOTHING, you not-large-gumball-machine-seeing PERSON! (Burn.)

Behold, the world’s largest retail gumball machine, standing 7 feet tall and holding 14,450 gumballs:

The machine currently retails for $3,900 at Hammacher Schlemmer, which as we all know, is not an actual store but a magical castle in the clouds that only appears if you are of elvish descent or are a literal billionaire. If you’re an elvish billionaire, you get 5% off. Enjoy your gumballs, elvish billionaires!

Just, remember to tell Bryant Gumbel to watch out:

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9 January
Monday

OH! CHARLIE: Abbey Road Recreated With Peanuts Characters

Move over, Power Rangers Abbey Road, because this crazy-perspective Peanuts Characters Abbey Road is far more adorable:

And yes, Abbey Road parodies are common, but not like this:

Amazing! It’s like PERSPECTIVE is tricking your eyes into trying to kick a football then pulling it away with ILLUSION!

Great grief!” – My Review Of This

(Wooster Collective, via The High Definite)

9 January
Monday

Man Named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop Arrested On Drug Charge

A 30-year old Wisconsin man legally named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop has been arrested on charges of marijuana and weapon possession, according to police officers and reporters trying their best to maintain a straight face:

“Officers contacted a subject they had previous dealings with, identified as Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop,” police spokesman Howard Payne told the Capital Times…

Payne said a search of Zopittybop-Bop-Bop’s property Thursday turned up a knife, marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

According to Madison’s Capital Times, Zopittybop-Bop-Bop legally changed his name from Jeffrey Drew Wilschke to the more polysyllabic moniker in October.

Already can’t wait for this story to get turned into an SVU episode featuring a character named Ba-Da-Bum Ditty Ditty Bangarooney Johnson. In the episode, they arrest Ba-Da-Bum fifteen minutes in but it turns out he was set up by the loving grandfatherly reverend you saw for two seconds in the opening scene. Thrills to come!

Also, the article cannot confirm this, but Mr. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is also a former member of the Silly Political Party.

(thanks for the heads up, @natekushner!)

4 January
Wednesday

Oh Hello There, Crazy Northern Lights Face

Photographer Jonathan Tucker snapped this absolutely amazing photo of the Northern Lights looking like a face. Check it out using your own face.

Click For Full Size:

See it? Preeettay cool, right?

As I’m typing this, the photo has already inspired a History Channel special Northern Lights Face: Man Or Myth? as well as two reality shows, Northern Lights Face Hunters and Ice Road Northern Lights Face Hunters.

So – coincidence, or is someone from The Lion King trying to send us a message

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