Good news for the millions of US citizens who operate motor vehicles – the roads are about to be a lot safer! Not one to be left out of all the LOST finale buzz despite getting killed off, convicted DUI offender and anti-charity-work spokesperson Michelle Rodriguez informed a TMZ camera man that she’s planning on “leaving the country and never coming back” after she serves her 60-day jail sentence for violating probation. She went on to explain about a mythical land known as “France” where “people don’t bother you”, incorrectly presuming that the wine-loving frogs don’t mind if you happen to enjoy speeding along the country-side with a bottle of scotch in one arm and a bi-curious blonde in the other.
Gossip
MayThursday
SIZZLER: Michelle Rodriguez Leaving Us Forever!
MayThursday
While You Were Stuck on a Train
- Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol. So you better start worshipping him.
- Rapper The Game arrested for possessing a deadly weapon. Beat that Milton Bradley!
- Pussycat Dolls not as popular with kids as Cabbage Patch Kids. Maybe if their butts were signed…
- Anna Wintour shows up to screening of Devil Wears Prada. Wearing Ann Taylor Loft.
- Jessica Simpson misses Nick Lachey, hit reality show.
- Ashton Kutcher really wants to have kids. Demi’s three teenage girls surpisingly not filling that paternal void.
MayWednesday
YOU DECIDE: Who Has the Hottest Firecrotch?
I guess this was inevitable. Now that ‘firecrotch’ is the word on everyone’s lips these days, and since Paris Hilton giggled along as Brandon Davis so eloquently used the term to describe Lindsay Lohan’s nether-regions, you should be able to decide for yourselves how her own firecrotch (herpes don’t count!) matches up against Lohan’s. Vote for the hottest crotch in the comments.
(Paris pic via Jossip)
MayWednesday
SIZZLER: Is Kristin Cavallari a Shoplifter?
Buried a few paragraphs into Blender magazine’s otherwise pointless interview with 80′s hair metal godess Tawny Kitaen, is this interesting little nugget of gossip regarding Laguna Beach’s 15 minutes-of-famer Kristin Cavallari:
“I owned a store called Tawny K. We were painting on a Sunday and I get this call from these four girls from Laguna. They’re begging me to please just let them see the store. So I did. When they start to leave, I get this feeling something’s wrong. My boyfriend stops one girl and she’s got merchandise in her purse. The three other girls start hauling ass. I call the cops and when the girls come back, they’ve got pants, underwear, tops. They take them to jail, handcuffed, the whole thing. I don’t press charges. Cut-fade, two weeks ago, there’s a split picture of Jessica on one side and this girl, Kristin, from Laguna Beach, on the other and my daughter is like, ‘Oh my God. She was the one who stole from your store.’ And now she’s this big thing.”
Let that serve as a warning to all boutiques, jewelry stores and Abercrombies in Laguna Beach – now that Kristin is realizing she’s not going to be the famous movie star she’d hoped, her fingers might start to get pretty sticky again…
MayWednesday
While You Were Mourning the Loss of True Love
- Page Six cracks the Tom Hanks code. He’s using Propecia.
- Katie takes Suri to visit her parents in Ohio. At least that’s what she told Tom.
- New Ali G film shocks Cannes. Make that Chaka Khan.
- Brad Pitt’s accused of child endangerment on a bike ride with the kids. But at least he didn’t trip.
- Feds raid home of paparazzi honcho. Celebrities say suck it!
- Mischa Barton moving to London. Trying to find a home for her accent.
MayWednesday
SIZZLER: Nicole and DJ AM Split Again
Nicole Richie and DJ AM officialy called off their relationship for the bajillionth time but they promise this is the last. The couple first got engaged in February 2005, but then broke up that December, but then got back together in March 2006 and then got engaged again last week. And now here we are, in splitsville. We’re not sure what happened on their end, but we just stopped trusting them after the last break up. And if you want a long-lasting relationship with the press it’s got to be built on trust.
MayTuesday
CELEBRITY TRANSLATOR: Vinnifer Vaughn On Leno
Last night Vince Vaughn appeared on The Tonight Show to promote his new film The Break-Up, in which he co-stars with girlfriend Jennifer Aniston. Vaughn somehow managed to talk for twenty minutes without really saying anything, so luckily we were able to use our patented Celebrity Tranlsator to decode the real meaning behind his incessant rambling.
MayTuesday
While You Were Having Your Prison Blues Pressed
- Halle Berry says she still experiences discrimination on a regular basis. It’s true – people who have a blind, ignorant hatred of attractiveness can be very cruel.
- Kevin Bacon showed up at the opening of Manhattan’s newest Apple Store in hopes of scoring some free stuff. A surly employee at the Genius Bar denied his request, but said he’d throw Bacon some free earphones if he’d go behind the pull-down screen and do the Footloose dance in silhouette like the iPod commercials.
- Brad Pitt sent an e-mail to the Cannes Film Festival, apologizing for his absence due the “imminent arrival” of his baby. Festival organizers were unimpressed, noting that Tom Cruise not only would have been there, but would have skydived onto the red carpet from an F-16 Fighter Jet, proudly holding his newborn child in fresh swaddling.
- Jennifer Aniston says her man Vince Vaughn is the “cream of the crop“. And by “cream of the crop” she means “A far cry from Brad Pitt, but has both a pulse and a vague interest”.
- Jon Favreau, director of the upcoming film adaptation of the Iron Man comic book series, is taking suggestions for the film from fans on MySpace. I think I remember something about Orson Welles taking advice from his “pen pal fan club” via pony express during the filming of Citizen Kane.
MayTuesday
Angelina Update: Still Holding in Baby
I used to really like Angelina Jolie, but I’m starting to think she’s just a tease. These pictures via Just Jared show that on Saturday night, when Angelina was supposed to be in labor, she was actually having dinner with Brad, the kids, her brother and her bodyguard at a restaurant called The Oyster Bar in Namibia. OH MY GOD, why won’t this women give birth already? She got us so hot for this baby, and made us think we’d actually be writing about it, but now she’s just giving us a bad case of blue blog.
(Click on the thumbnail for larger picture)
MayTuesday
While You Were Rinsing Out Your Morning Breath
- Lindsay Lohan seeks revenge by bedding Paris ex Stavros Niachros. Never underestimate the vengeance of firecrotch.
- Michelle Williams’ dad locked in an in Australian jail for tax evasion. There’s got to be a Brokeback joke in here.
- Jessica Simpson orders bodyguards to close off public toilet. Only MTV cameramen are allowed to hear her pee
- Ryan Seacrest gets probed by NY Times. Seacrest reveals anal side.
- New reasons for Axl and Tommy Hilfiger fight. Alcohol mysteriously still not taking any blame.
- Britney dumped Kaballah because they kept asking for money. And Kevin already fills that void.
