Take the rest of the day off, kids. The world’s ugliest dog, Yoda, died in her sleep at the tender age of 15 this weekend. Pour a little out of your dog food milkshake in his honor.
Entertainment
MarchThursday
The 10 Sexiest Moments From The Mad Men Premiere
Last night, a viewing party was held in Los Angeles of Mad Men’s Season 5 premiere episode. Needless to say, SH*T WAS HOT. Here are the 10 sexiest moments from the red carpet. Oh and also? Prepare to be seeing BWE.tv’s Mad Men recaps starting the day after the March 25 premiere!
10.
9.
M. Night Shyamalan inspired TWIST ahead.
MarchThursday
Meet The Aussiebum Man: Men’s Underwear Reviewer
Here is a fabulously Australian kick-off sentence from the website Minority Review:
Sailesh Ghelani reviews the new range of Man underwear from iconic Australian inner wear brand Aussiebum.
Inner wear is amazing.
This video starts off normally enough. Just a regular guy reviewing the cut and feel of tagless men’s briefs. But things really start to heat up around the 2:20 mode, when Sailesh unveils his “Crotch Cam.” Just good ol’ fashioned crotch close-ups with extremely serious commentary on his inner wear.
My instincts tell me it’s NSFW, but really, there’s no nudity. It’s just a crotchy zoom. In fact, it’s totally SFW. If your boss walks by, be like “Excuse you, I’m researching the band comfort levels of inner wear,” then slowly roll your seat back and walk away, pantsless.
Check out the review ahead. *pun!
MarchThursday
NEW GOAL: Hang Out With Tranquilized Gorilla
Gorillas are a real conundrum. On the one leathery manhand, I want to big spoon myself around a silverback with my eyes closed while stroking its chest and pretending its Beetlejuice-era Alec Baldwin. On the other hand, he would probably crush my skull within 10 seconds flat, much like the opening pages of Michael Crighton’s “Congo.”
But today, an answer: Tranquilize em! (Note the tone change in this article because I’m about to tell you something sad.) Shufai is a gorilla living in Cameroon whose mother was killed when he was a baby. He managed to survive some bullet wounds and some hazing by local children, eventually ending up at the Mefou National Park Ape Sanctuary. He’s lived there for 10 years, healing both emotionally and physically, however he still had some shrapnel in his wrist. And so, something had to be done. That something being Gorilla Surgery. And there’s only one way you can get a gorilla into surgery… by putting him under.
What follows are some of the sweetest and most hilarious photos of a tranquilized gorilla you will ever see. This little baby is in good hands, and as you will eventually see, recovers nicely. I’m sure the Coca-Cola they fed him while asleep had a lil something to do with it.
Grab the kleenex and keep reading.
MarchThursday
Russia’s “Party For Everyone” Is Clear Lock To Win Eurovision
Every year, some of Europe’s most talented and often most hilarious musical acts gather in a major European city to compete for the chance to win Eurovision, an actual musical spectacle that remains my favorite event of the year. Sort of like the Eurotrash Olympics, each participating country votes for their representative musical act whom then all compete against one another for the prize. It is, in short, the greatest competition known to man.
And it just got better.
That’s because Russia has chosen a folk band made up of 8 grandmothers called Buranovskiye Babushki to represent them at 2012 Eurovision in Baku, Azerbaijan, with a song called “Party For Everybody.” Not completely dissimilar from Eddie Murphy’s “Party All The Time” in both quality and entertainment value, “Party For Everybody” features these quaint and unbeatable lyrics:
“We sing about lighting the oven, kneading dough, and spreading out a tablecloth while waiting for the children to come home. And we say when our children come home, we will have fun and dance.”
More like QUAINT MISBEHAVIN. But here’s the thing: I’m not being sarcastic when I say the song is good. Really good. It starts off sort of expected, but then turns into a veritable Russian Jason Derulo techno song. You’ll have to see it to believe it, but just remember this BWE.tv post when these Russian women TAKE THE COMPETITION:
Set your Google Calendar reminders: Eurovision will take place on May 26, 2012. See you then!
(via ONTD)
MarchThursday
Here Are The Only 2 American Idol Performances That Mattered This Week
Given how bad the last few season of American Idol were, and the new addition of The Voice into our infinite and hungry DVR abyss, it wouldn’t surprise me in the last if many of you have given up on Idol completely. And you’re not completely wrong. They’re already down to 12 contestants, now 11 given that Jermaine Jones was booted from the finalists for lying about outstanding arrest warrants. (Is being a lovable giant bear illegal where he is from? No thank you.)
But seeing as it’s still fairly early in the season, Fox is cranking out two-hour long performance shows followed by an hour long results show every week. Three hours of your time that could be spent doing something else, like filing or listening to Abba in the dark. So rather than recap the entire episode, why not save both of us some much needed time listening to Abba in the dark and get to the only two performances that mattered. Here we go:
Well I mean in an ideal world this girl wins. In the world we live in, Phil Phillips will probably walk away with the contract, because we live in a world populated by 11 year olds with an unlimited supply of Plan B. But Jessica Sanchez has perhaps the best voice I have ever heard coming out of a newborn Asian. She’s unstoppable, and even though she sang my least favorite song of all time, still performed above and beyond the rest of the contestants.
Well…. except for one.
MarchWednesday
The Best Photo Caption You Will See All Day
Yup. It can’t be topped. Also Buzzfeed wanted to know what was up with her face, which at first I was like “She’s beautiful leave her alone!” But there is something sliiiiiiightly up with her face. Buttermilk remains perfect.
Another photo ahead with maximum Buttermilk dainty pawage. I’m guessing these two killed at the United Nations. Ban Ki-moon? More like Ban Ki-swoon (for dogs).
MarchWednesday
The 10 Most Delicious Pies On Pi Day
Today is March 14, 3/14, otherwise famously known as Pi Day, a day where we get to the only thing longer than Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy, Pi. And what better way to celebrate that with a list of THE MOST DELICIOUS PIES. “Because math sucks and pies rule!” — Why I had a weight problem in middle school.
Here are the The 10 Most Delicious Pies On Pi Day.
10. Key Lime Pie. This tangy ass pie could work its way into the end of any meal. Has anyone ever put this pie in a taco? I’m just guessing it would be the best f*cking taco ever.
9. Banoffee Pie. I’ve never heard of this pie before, but worry not, I still want to Mrs. Doubtfire my face in it. I think it’s bananas and toffee? Who knows. I want to eat it whole and then give birth to three to four miniature versions of it with my face and a pie body.
MarchWednesday
Kirk Cameron Has A New Boyfriend!
Kirk Cameron sure keeps reminding us about what a sin gay marriage is. Which is kiiiiind of funny because, hello, Kirk, you have a new boyfriend! Who’s the lucky guy who gets to pop Kirk’s ringlets? None other than BWE fave and “The Man With The Golden Vocal Chords” (no one calls him that) Randy Rainbow.
And this video reminds me: What ever happened to kick ass tv theme songs? Kirk Cameron might be a human living tumor, but goodness, that Growing Pains theme song makes me want to cradle him in my arms like a new born while me and Michael Gross share loving looks with each other.
Anyway, here’s to wish the new couple a long life of suggestively peeling bananas with one another.
MarchMonday
HAPPY HOUR: Let’s Have A Margarita With Jason Mraz
When I found out that Mr. A to Z himself Jason Mraz would be sitting down with me to discuss his latest album over margaritas, a few thoughts popped into my head. Namely: Am I going to have to wear a hat?
Yes, Jason Mraz is known for many things. Poppy songs, brilliant lyrics, and hats. In fact, one of the first questions on my torah-scroll of “things to ask” was to be if he ever had to take his hat off to be recognized. (You can find the answer out below.) So it was of the highest importance that we talk about them. For example, is his new long hair just a wig attached to a ski cap? (Fear not, ladies, his hair is allll reallll.)
But hair aside, what about the man’s real talent: His music? Mraz’s new album, Love Is A Four Letter Word, will hit the shelves on April 17, and you can already check out the video for his new single “I Won’t Give Up” here.
We cover all this and more — avocados, bible camp, and his online screen name — in this installment of Happy Hour brought to you by Chili’s. Get your margaritas chilled, salt those rims, and check out the interview below!
