The front-page headline on Variety.com right now:
Nailed it! Ya gotta real future here, kid…
Entertainment
FebruaryTuesday
Let’s Play A Game Of BAFTA Guess Who?
BAFTA is an acronym that stands for The Oscars Of England The British Academy of Film and Television Arts, and this Sunday, they’ll be giving out their film and TV annual awards in London (with Miss Piggy presiding as the red carpet host).
To prep for the ceremony and perfect the celebrity seating arrangement, BAFTA organizers have created a giant Guess Who? gameboard in the audience. So, for example:
“Does your person have short orange hair?
Yes.
Does your person look like a heavenly iridescent gecko?
Yes.
Is it Tilda Swinton?”
“Does your person have a beard?
No.
Does your person exude sexual lightning boats from his tip?
Yes.
Does your person visit me nightly in my dreams, while stroking the sweat off my forehead and cradling me close to his heartbeat, softly singing Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ in my ear?
Um…
Is it Brad Pitt?”
You get the idea! Now you play!
FebruaryTuesday
Let’s Watch Rabid Madonna Fan Billy Eichner Crash The Super Bowl
Readers of this blog and humans living on planet Earth should now be plenty familiar with Billy Eichner, he of Funny or Die and Fuse fame, the gentleman that screams at random people on the street, sometimes gives them money, and always makes America fall in love with him.
Well this weekend, on behalf of Conan O’Brien and TBS, Billy headed over to Indianapolis to find out the general “street temperature” (not a thing) on Madonna, High Empress Of Halftime. It’s kind of a shame that these words even have to go before this video, because honestly, it’s wasting valuable blog space when really all anyone cares about is watching Billy scream at regular people, Giants cheerleaders, and eventually, SUPERBOWL WINNERS the NY GIANTS themselves.
Billy Eichner is brilliant and I bet also has a beautiful singing voice. Enjoy.
FebruaryTuesday
Introducing Bodies Exhibit: The Leggings
I often tell the personal trainer who doesn’t come over to my house because he is fiction, “You know who I want to look like? The poster boy for the Bodies Exhibit. Lean, fit, healthy… that guy is allllright.” I then look in the mirror and realize I’ve Mrs. Doubtfired my face in mashed potatoes again and Thanksgiving is ruined.
Point is, if only there was a way to look like the Bodies Exhibit corpses without actually dying in China 2,000 years ago. And now… there is. Australian clothing store Black Milk Clothing is offering up these muscles leggings for a cool 75 Australian dollars, a bargain, when you consider how expensive it is to get live-skinned these days.
The best part about these leggings? They completely mask camel toe:
FebruaryTuesday
Man Gets Hello Kitty Haircut To Cheer Up Dad; Planet
A man after my own heart, 50-year-old Hu Han-yan in Tai Pei, is celebrating the Lunar New Year this year in a way the friendless 12-year-old version of me could only dream of: By getting Hello Kitty shaved into his head. The reason? To cheer up his elderly father (seen above, cheered.)
Hu Han-yan has turned into something of a local celebrity, and had this to say to the local news:
“I feel like I’m a star now,” said Hu Han-yan, who added that he has to trim his hair every five days to keep his “Hello Kitty” in tip-top condition.“Next time, I might try a different iconic pattern, such as Doraemon [a popular Japanese manga cartoon character] or SpongeBob SquarePants [a US cartoon character], so long as I can amuse my father,” said Hu Han-yan.
A SpongeBob SquarePants fade? Honestly, that might be too overstimulating for pops. I wouldn’t risk it Hu.
FebruaryMonday
The 32 Best Mad Men Subway Poster Hacks
Season 5 of AMC’s Mad Men is just around the corner, with a 2 hour premiere airing on Sunday, Mar. 25 at 9pm. And to get the hype machine rolling, stark white posters sprouted up around Manhattan subway stations with a tiny, black and white Don Draper falling into an empty abyss of white. Given that most New Yorker’s are given a fat Sharpie immediately after being deloused on Ellis Island, it didn’t take long for some artistic citizens to reimagine Don in a variety of fun, sometimes harrowing situations. Thanks in part to Gothamist for encouraging folks to post their own Don Draper Ad Mash-ups, we’ve scoured the internet for the 32 Best Mad Men Subway Poster Hacks. And here they are:
32.
31.
30.
FebruaryMonday
This Valentine’s Day, Celebrate With The C-Word You Love
This Valentine’s Day, make sure to tell someone you love them. And according to the high end UK department store Waitrose, you might consider doing this by saying “You C*nt.” That’s exactly what their Valentine’s Day window sign says to do, anyway. Due to a hilariously placed pillar in the way, the words “You Count” have been live-action CGI’d into the worst curse word ever unless you are Jane Fonda on The Today Show or a little girl on The Today Show.
[Photo: Splash]
FebruaryMonday
Here Are All The Super Bowl Dog Ads + David Beckham
Let’s have a frank discussion about the ads that ran during last night’s Super Bowl XLVI. In the words of any one of the Beastie Boys, they were “aight.” No shocks, no surprises, most of them were leaked online prior to the game anyway, Matthew Broderick. And really, we don’t care about serious beer commercials or ads about mid-size sedans that will make you feel like more of a man. Nope, there’s only one thing we give the merest ess about: ANIMAL ADS.
There were some highs and lows, but at the party I was at, any time an animal appeared on the giant flatscreen, someone would scream “DOG AD” and the room would fall silent. The dog ads did not disappoint! You know why? Because there were f*cking awesome dogs in it, that’s why. Take note, advertisers: If you want a roomful of non-football fans who are mainly watching the Super Bowl to witness Madonna’s Halftime acrobatic dance moves to stop dead in their tracks and pay attention, PUT A DOG IN YOUR AD. (Or David Beckham.)
So without further a-doo (dog joke), here are all the Superbowl Dog Ads + David Beckham and other animal bonuses. Our apologies to the Coca-Cola Polar Bears who didn’t make the cut, because, boring.
1. Fat Dog Loses Weight To Chase Fad Car. This Volkswagen ad was a real crowd pleaser, because, hello, fat dogs = where do I sign? (My petition for pro-dog-obesity.) Though my party co-horts and I couldn’t help but notice that not only does this dog lose weight, but he actually CHANGES BREEDS. That’s the power of an adorable car originally designed for the Third Reich, I guess.
FebruaryFriday
BREAKING: Adam Lambert Becomes The New Lead Singer Of Queen
Well, it’s happened America!! Rolling Stone is reporting that American Idol runner-up and favorite person to drink on-camera martinis with, Adam Lambert, has announced that he is going to be replacing the late Freddie Mercury as the lead singer of Queen.
Here’s what Adam had to say about the news:
The intention is to pay tribute to Freddie and the band by singing some f*cking great songs. It’s to keep the music alive for the fans and give it an energy that Freddie would’ve been proud of.
It’s a decision that, while surprising, shouldn’t ruffle too many oversized feather vests. Look, no one can replace Mercury, and that goes double for his mustache. But Lambert’s vocal abilities are certainly up to the challenge for Queen’s passionate repertoire. For example, 99 percent of people who attempt to sing Queen usually end the night on laying on the floor while nursing multiple burst bloodvessels in their foreheads. But Lambert is like a singing version of the chestburster in Alien. The man has no limitations. And what better way to expose his gift to his own fans as well as those of Queen’s than by merging the two?
So while this news will may rub a few Queen fans the wrong way (one brings to mind Arnel Pineda, Steve Perry’s replacement in Journey), I say we should be thankful that there’s another person out there with the vocal ability required to carry on Mercury’s legend while throwing in his own unique twist. (ie Lots of exposed tongue, more eye-makeup, 3x as much thrusting.)
Let’s also take a moment to remember that Lambert actually auditioned for Idol way back when with “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and did the song beautiful justice. Who would have guessed that 3 years later he’d be the LEAD SINGER OF QUEEN???
Click here to listen to Lambert singing a “Show Must Go On/We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” medley with Brian May and Roger Taylor at the 2011 MTV EMAs in Belfast, Ireland.
You can also check out Adam’s brand new music video for “Better Than I Know Myself” over at VH1 Tuner.
UPDATE I: VH1 has gone ahead and DEBUNKED this rumor. You were all right, I was wrong. I guess that’s what I get for trusting the world’s most famous music magazine, Rolling Stone. You can finally go to sleep again!
UPDATE II: Ahead, we have Exclusive VH1 Video of Adam discussing his collaboration with Queen. “There’s more things happening with Queen, that’s all I can say…” For those of you doubters out there.
FebruaryFriday
Madonna’s Super Bowl Half-Time Show: What It Might Look Like
The Super Bowl Half-Time Show is almost upon us!! This Sunday, somewhere around your 1400th Bud Light, none other than the Queen of Nutcracker Arms Madonna will take to the stage to perform in front of the 111 million people watching. Joining her on stage will be Nicki Minaj and MIA, meaning this half-time show will be a great day for both women and people whose names start with the letter M (double score!!)
There is already plenty of speculation of what Madonna has in store for us. Will she perform songs from her new album MDNA? Or will she take some mercy on us and perform only the classics minus anything from the Austin Powers franchise?
Personally, I think I have some idea of what the Super Bowl Half-Time Show is going to look like… check out the clip ahead.
