To re-prove this time-tested theory, we’ve scoured Grammy’s checkered past and compiled some of its most bizarre winners in a desperate search of some meaning for this odd gramophonic statue. From the awesomely-random to the just flat-out terrible, here’s a list of 13 People You Can’t Believe Won A Grammy:

1. Zach Braff

Without rehashing the internet’s eminent disdain for Garden State, let’s just take a moment to acknowledge that an actual physical golden gramophone was given to Zach Braff for being the “compilation producer” of the third-date-mix that was the Garden State Soundtrack. Nothing against the actual music, but if burning Nick Drake onto cds to impress people is award-worthy, most of us earned that Lifetime Achievement Award by sophomore year of college.

2. Mikhail Gorbachev

The former Head of the Soviet Union won a “Best Spoken Word Album for Children” Grammy for his contribution to a 2004 recording of Peter And The Wolf, though it might’ve been a make-up win after his failure to be recognized for having inspired a decade of award-worthy hilarity from Yakov Smirnoff.

3. The Baha Men

Winners of the 2000 Grammy Award for Best Dance Recording, and a Grammy every year since for “Most Random Song Inexplicably Still Played At Sporting Events Free Of Irony” (a co-award shared with “Cotton-Eye Joe”).

4. Martin Scorsese

After spending a decade-plus as the go-to “Great Artist Who’s Never Won An Oscar” reference, Scorsese actually snagged a Grammy Award for “Best Long Form Music Video” in 2005 for directing American Masters: No Direction Home: Bob Dylan, one year before his vindicating Oscar win for The Departed. Finally came around on that Scorsese fellow, eh, entertainment world?

5. Patrick Stewart

More in the “Awesomely Unexpected” Category than the “Wait, Really?” Category for this list, the incomparable Patrick Stewart won a “Best Spoken Word Album for Children” Grammy in 1996 for his vocal contributions to a different recording of Peter And The Wolf, though no one knows for sure if it was actually him or just Data imitating his voice.

6. Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix won a Grammy in the catchy-titled “Best Compilation Soundtrack Album for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media” category in 2006 as the lead vocalist on the “Walk The Line” soundtrack, and I don’t think it’s unfair in any way to completely blame the Grammys for everything he did afterwards. Nice one, Grammys!

7. Bill Clinton

Few Grammy wins truly encompassed the super-necessary spirit of the Awards more than Bill Clinton winning a Grammy for My Life: The Audiobook. And for good measure, Clinton won another one in ’04 for ALSO contributing to the Gorbachev Peter & The Wolf recording (Fun Fact: Half of all Grammys ever given out have been Peter And The Wolf related), so he’s a two-time Grammy Award winner. When’s he eligible for the Rock n’ Roll Hall Of Fame?

8. Shaggy

Shaggy summed up in a Tweet by my colleague @haulihan: “Wanted to congratulate everyone on helping Shaggy have several hit songs a few years back. Who knew we could commit to a joke so hard?”

9. Elmo

Elmo won the Best Musical Album for Children Grammy in 1999, 2000, and 2002, on an impressive Meryl Streep-esque run, only superior, because Streep never released anything called Elmopalooza.

10. Todd MacFarlane

Spawn creator and toy magnate Todd MacFarlane took the 2000 Grammy for Best Short Form Music Video for directing Korn’s “Freak on a Leash”, and that is officially the Year-2000-est Sentence Ever Written.

11. Barack Obama

In what was surely the most thrilling moment of his career, Obama won the ’06 Best Spoken Word Album Grammy for his Dreams From My Father audio reading. Nothing for The Audio-dacity Of Hope?

12. Tia Carrere

Wayne Campbell’s love interest won Grammys in 2009 and 2011 for Best Hawaiian Album, though sadly, her work on the jungle-tastic music video for “Ain’t Got No Reason For Reaction” went unrecognized by the voters.

13. Orson Welles

Orson Welles won the Best Spoken Word Album Grammy in both 1979 and 1982, and this, folks, is indisputably what he will be remembered for forever.

So that’s it. ENJOY THE GRAMMYS, EVERYONE!!! Can Betty White beat Val Kilmer for the Best Spoken Word Album this year?? Guess we’ll have to tune in and see! Also, what is anything?

You’ve seen the Nicolas Cage 1870s photo, and you’ve read our subsequent overwhelming evidence that Nicolas Cage is a vampire and been like “I thought that was a joke but now I kind of literally believe this because it makes complete sense.”

Last night, Nic Cage appeared on Letterman to finally break his LEGENDARY SILENCE on the topic of his own vampirism, and in the process, just convinced us even further:

Any idea what nights this guy spins? Cause I’m totally there. Nah, nah, it’s cool, bouncer, you can let me in, I know the skiing dogs from the Subaru commercial…

(via Neatorama)

I’m not being blogger-facetious when I say I am literally more interested to watch this entire movie than to see Spider-Man again. What if we replaced J. Jonah Jameson with Ron Swanson and Mary Jane with Leslie Knope and also it wasn’t Spider-Man at all but a Parks & Rec movie? It can still be 3-D, just make that happen:

Since that’s cleared up, let’s play a game: What would the movie Home Alone look like if it were starring Current-Face Macaulay Culkin? It might go uhhhhhlitttle something…like this:

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That was a good use of everyone’s time. Enjoy the rest of your life post-this!

This is just some quality internetting right here. Put down that Dickens novel you weren’t reading and spend the next minute with Rhiny:

(Arbroath, via Videogum)

It’s Top Chef Texas Episode 14 entitled “Mentors”, and it’s the final episode before the Finale, which is between 2 and 7 episodes long, we’re never quite sure. We ARE sure of two things that will happen in the Finale:

1) Padma will say “Here’s some helping hands that you mayyyyy recognizeeeee…” and the Last 4 Eliminated Chefs will re-enter followed by a fake-tearful reunion, and…

2) Paul wins. Seriously, this season should be called Top Bloodbath, if that name weren’t already taken by a TLC reality show about a blood bank owned by a crazy family (Grandma Edna the after-donation cookie-baker is my favvvv!!!)

Before the Quickfire, Bravo finally reveals the winner of Last Chance Kitchen – will it be Beverly, or will it be Grayson’s Dateline Re-Enactment actress:

We know it’s going to be Beverly because she shouldn’t have lost in the first place and we know Bravo isn’t gonna introduce this whole big new side-feature just to have Grayson come back one week later and render last week’s episode obsolete. OR WILL TH-nah, they won’t.

SURPRISE! It’s Beverly! And she is PSYCHED to be back:

So we’re back to 5 chefs, with Beverly as the awkward fifth wheel, not unlike Captain Planet Heart guy (even though Beverly’s just as good as the remaining Non-Pauls, whereas Heart guy rarely if ever cooked). For the Quickfire, the chefs will have to grab their ingredients while blindfolded and use everything they pick up, because being a true chef is all about possessing clairvoyance and being able to recognize types of meat when they’re frozen in sealed odorless packs.

Basically, it’s an excuse to watch the chefs flail around wildly, and it is perversely entertaining:

The winner of the Quickfire will have a choice to make, because it’s a Top Chef HIGH TEXAS STAKES Robert Frost Road-Takin’ Quickfire: They can either take a guaranteed spot in the Finals, or win a brand-new Prius but still have to cook in the Elimination Challenge. Despite Ed’s impressive use of pork casings to make a broth for his ‘udon’ dish, Sarah wins the Quickfire for her Corn Soup with Onion, Red Chili and Peaches.

Sarah takes the guaranteed spot in the finals, prompting Michelle to email me at 1:30 am “WHAT AN IDIOT SHE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I would’ve agreed if it were Paul, but I think Sarah made the right move, simply because you KNOW if she had taken the car, the Bravo Producers would’ve made sure she lost the Elimination Challenge to ensure an “OHHH MANN, she took a risk and blew it!!!” controversy, not unlike when Beverly forgot an item in her Quickfire dish, then Padma said “you would’ve won this by a mile” then she ended up losing the Elimination because she didn’t have immunity. I am POSITIVE this would have happened, and Sarah sniffed it out. Good move, Sarah! You must definitely read these Recaps. (Bad use of time, Sarah!)

“Whatever. I didn’t come here to make cars. I just need to cook MY cars.” – Sarah

Even though Sarah doesn’t take the car, the chefs still hop in a Prius for thirty seconds of staged raving-about-it, then Taylor Hicks comes out and sings an entire song about Toyota to the tune of this Ford commercial:

I can’t believe that was airing on actual television six years ago. It looks like it’s from 1993.

Anyway, onto less important matters than Taylor Hicks Ford commercials – for the Elimination Challenge, the five remaining chefs will be cooking dishes inspired by their culinary mentors, so get those slightly-too-many tears ready, because THE MENTORS ARE IN THE BUILDING:

The chefs welcome Michelle Bernstein, Tony Mantuano, Sarah Stegner, Tyson Cole, and Frank Crispo, and holy crap is there a lot of crying, and not just from Bev this time:

Not to minimize this emotional reunion, but 1) Haven’t the chefs been away from these people for like 8 days? I know they don’t all still work directly with these mentors, but they were crying like they all just got off a Bravo desert island to see their families and/or Wilson again, and 2) Has anyone ever been that emotional when seeing their boss? Maybe when watching Kelsey Grammer Boss, but they were like, “Dearest Tyson…sniff… I’ll never forget that time I said I could work Saturday then something came up, and… sniff… you told me ‘it’s ok you can switch with someone!’ [TEARS]”

Fine, fine, I know they’re proud to have their mentors see how far they’ve gotten, I’m just havin’ an internet josh (it’s what we do here at JustJoshinAround.gov). But at least Ed agreed with me.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs have to prepare a dish that “wows” their mentors, and the mentors will be dining alongside Tom, Padma, Gail, and oh yeah Hugh Acheson is still the official guest judge this season:

We know what this setup means: Each mentor is obviously going to compliment their own person’s dish, then the other mentors aren’t going to be d*cks and criticize the other mentors’ mentees, then Tom and Padma aren’t going to strongly disagree with the bubbly opinions of five happy very-established chefs who’ve been nice enough to fly to Texas for this show, so it will all be very positive with rare, reluctant ever-so-light critiques.

Since this is pretty much exactly what happens – with some “How did you meet Chef Blank?” “Well, we worked together at a restaurant, and I could tell he/she was good at working at that restaurant…” interactions sprinkled in – let’s just skip to Judge’s Table. Though it is worth noting that the dining room at the Hotel Valencia was modeled after an 80s metal ballad:

Paul and Beverly had the Judges’ two favorite dishes, so they’re officially in the Finals. You kind of knew Beverly wasn’t going to come back and instantly get eliminated again, plus she’s a worthy finalist, so that wasn’t particularly surprising. Paul wins his SIXTH Elimination Challenge of the season for his Chilled Sunchoke Dashi Soup with Vegetables; the dish did seem on the simpler side, as Paul even admitted, but Tom and Gail praised his restraint and execution. I’m not saying this praise wasn’t legit, but I wonder if a more borderline chef had made something this simple if the judges wouldn’t have been like “You’re playing it too safe, chef we hate!” rather than “Ahh, a good chef made something simple, he’s such a master of restraint and understatement…”

Anyway, it’s not gonna matter anyway, cause Paul has already 10-Run-Ruled the competition:

He also wins like his fifth car of the season, making him essentially the Jay Leno of comedy. (Huh?)

It’s down to Ed and Lindsay for the last spot in the Finals – Ed is criticized roundly for using canned, smoked oysters for his oyster sauce (as always, all pre-prepared food is BS except yummy Healthy Choice), and Lindsay takes flak for adding cream to her Seafood “Stew” with Couscous, with Gail adding “She should’ve recognized that she made a mistake and corrected it.” By…removing the cream from the sauce? Using her magic powers that she already didn’t have in the Quickfire challenge?

I thought Lindsay was going home, if only because Ed has been a small spark of personality in a largely indistinguishable cast. I acknowledged that the producers might pull a shady ‘balance the cast’ routine and not have 3/4 Asian finalists, but with Lindsay winning, the Finale cast would’ve been 3/4 female, so I didn’t read too much into this conspiracy-theory-ey aspect of the decision. In the end, though, Ed’s oyster sauce proves too cameramen-told-Tom-he-used-canned-oysters-ey, and Lindsay snags the last spot in the Finals:

If we’re being extra conspiracy-theory-ey, the ‘Three Asian Finalists’ thing aside, perhaps Bravo didn’t want to diss Lindsay’s mentor Michelle Bernstein, a longtime Top Chef guest judge and Masters contestant? Just something to think about, we’ve got nothing better to do.

Ed is eliminated, and after pretend-crying earlier in the episode, he actually begins to tear up for real:

Ed has learned a valuable lesson:

Don’t worry, Ed! Remember what Beverly’s mentor Sarah said: “If you’re passionate in what your believe in, it’s gonna work out for you.” Also, that’s the message of everything. I think it was the tagline for the movie Rio.

So there’s your Top Chef Season 9 Final Four: Paul (winner), Beverly, Sarah, and Lindsay. And they’ll settle this in classic Top Chef fashion – With riflery and cooking-on-ski-lifts in British Columbia (did not have to exaggerate one element of that sentence):

Top Chef Pre-Finale Finale thoughts? Thoughts / Conspiracy Theories on the Final Four? Thoughts on the Texas challenges as a whole? Predictions for the Finale? Can anyone beat Paul? Will the chefs literally be feeding bears? React away in the comments.

Pizza Hut is currently offering a “Tie The Knot With The Dinner Box” package, where customers can purchase a ruby ring and an evening of elegance AND a $10 Dinner Box (also elegant) for the slightly-steep-for-Huts-that-serve-pizza cost of $10,010:

For $10,010, Customers Get: A Red Ruby Ring, Limo Service, Flowers, Fireworks Show, Videographer, Photographer, and a $10 Dinner Box. Other than the ring being made of ruby instead of being made of another dinner box, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this offer, and may in fact take them up on it and finally plan that proposal to myself (I like having leftovers).

(via Eater)

To everyone who’s ever been frustrated when your work email forces you to change your password every couple months, listen up, because this story is effing hilarious:

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has been under fire from world leaders to step down this week. He’s also under fire from hacktivist group Anonymous, who leaked hundreds of his office’s emails on Monday.

While Anonymous is infamous for its hacking know-how, it doesn’t take a genius computer programmer to guess one of the passwords commonly used by Assad’s office accounts: 12345. The string of consecutive numbers is the second-weakest password according to a 2011 study.

That’s right – the Syrian President’s office literally used “1-2-3-4-5″, the very same password infamously used by both King Roland and President Skroob in the movie Spaceballs as an example of a terrible password a quarter-century ago.

Below, watch the Spaceballs “combination” scene, which seemed like an exaggeration of presidential stupidity at the time:

Guess it’s too late for al-Assad to update that sucker to PASSWORD?

(Thanks, Abby!)

There’s something extra-amusing about having two highly accomplished serious actors on the same show only to spend the time playing with 10-year-old plastic toys. It’s just surreal that you can all now witness my recurring dream when I was 13 about me and Captain Picard playing with action figures:

Best part of the video? The Patrick Stewart double-face-palm:

Nice job, people who manufactured this – like the Obama condoms, it’s definitely a useful thing that people will regularly use and isn’t just to make tourists in Times Square giggle and get blogs to link to it and make fun of it (oops!) Hehehe…boners.

Still, I think we can all agree: When you think about f***ing and unrestricted access to instruments of birth control, the first thing you think of is Mitt Romney’s NBA-Jam-sized cartoon face. At least I do.

Whoahoa, RACY! Hard to tell, but was there tongue involved? Or at least, that pink sewed-on Muppet flap that kind of looks like a tongue? Either way, if this couple is for real (Krelmo? Elmstin? Are people still combining couple names? Elmobrangelina?), they’ll give Macy/Huffman a run for Most Universally Likeable Couple.

This shocking gossip-development has been brought to you by the letters O, M, F, and G. And the number 5. (It’s just a cool number).

Swallowing our pride and our own football disappointments, let’s all bask in this list of 5 Very Adorable Photos From The Giants’ Victory Parade (Click Any For Full Size):

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Bonus:

Farewell, NFL Season! I can’t wait to resume spending my Sundays productively by re-reading my own old Tweets every week from 1-7:30 pm. Just kidding! I do it til like 3 am.

(Pics via Getty Images)

Nothing to see here, just some sort of doll lady during around PSYCHE NAWW IT’S A MONKEY RAWWWRRRRR!!! You got MONKEYFACED’D!!

I’ve seen a million ads for The River and had tuned them out to this point (I usually don’t start watching a show until it’s at least 1 1/2 seasons in and I’ve heard from at least two regular friends, two work friends, and the internet that I NEED to see it), but a little monkey mask goes a long way, and now I’m intrigued.

Does this happen in every episode? Can I get some sort of guarantee that this and/or something comparably hilarious will definitely happen? Cause I’m not watching this thing if it’s not very good or very bad, and none of us have any use for an ‘ok’ tv show when there’s like 17 other must-see shows we need to catch up on at any given time. The last thing I need in my life is, like, NCIS: Notmonkeyface. Deal?

Attention gotten! I can’t read the Hebrew part, but I’m pretty sure this is designed teach you English. Or it might be a meetup to casually discuss the differences between Israeli and American McDonald’s, I can’t really tell. You know in Israel, they call it a “Royale With No Cheese”.

The NSFW version is after the jump if you need it, motherf- sorry, sorry:

(via This Facebook Page, obviously)

Can we get this guy on the next Comedy Central Roast? “The enormity of Jeff Ross’ stupiditee is just oahvahwelming…”

I deliberately avoided looking up the context for this clip, cause it’s so much better on its own. I assume it’s some weird inappropriate tangent from Into The Abyss, his crushing documentary about death row inmates and the families of their victims.

(via Best Roof Talk Ever – no relation)

Behold, Gotham’s morally ambiguous starchy protector, The Dark Knight Spud:

Intimidating! The Potato-Head-ified Dark Knight is currently selling for $17.99 online, which is a steal for something that so perfectly captures everything about the Christopher Nolan / Christian Bale Batman, right down to that cartoony diagonal smile that Batman is literally making nonstop throughout both films.

Now we just need to slip Potato Head into The Dark Knight Rises and we’ve got a crossover hit:

(Bleeding Cool, via The Daily What)

Nailed it! Ya gotta real future here, kid…

Keep an eye out for the awesome Mickey & Minnie Giants-knockoff jerseys. “Congrats on the big win, Yorktown Largies!!!” (Click Any Pic For Full Size):

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Every year, the Super Bowl floods Vegas with hundreds of ridiculous ‘Prop Bets’ – small, specific Super Bowl related side-bets that aren’t contingent on the game’s outcome – many of which don’t actually involve football or sports at all, other than the timeless sport of ‘Kelly Clarkson Belly Guessing’. Here, because we’re slightly more a pop culture blog than we are an NFL analysis blog (debatable), is our Official BWE Rundown of 7 Madonna and Kelly Clarkson Super Bowl Bets That Paid Off.

1. What color will Madonna’s hair be when she begins the Super Bowl Halftime show?

- Blonde (1/4)
- Any other color (2.5/1)

RESULT: Blonde. Madonna went the safe route and just came out blonde, though the crappy 1-to-4 payoff was even worse than the odds for “Will there be a vague Egyptian/Stargate theme for the song ‘Vogue’ which is about neither thing?”

2. What will Madonna be using to start the Super Bowl Halftime show?

- Headset (1/3)
- Handheld Microphone (2/1)

RESULT: Headset. I actually laid $20 on “Literal Silver Penis-Microphone To Generate Random Controversy Followed By Instant Color Bars And Cut To Hyundai Commercial”. It didn’t win, but I really liked the odds at 2-to-1.

3. Will Madonna be wearing fishnet stockings at any point during the Halftime show?

- Yes (1/1, technically ‘bet 110 to win 100′)
- No (1/1)

RESULT: No. I don’t recall Madonna donning fishnets at any point, though my eyes were transfixed on that acrobatic Will Ferrell character the whole time, even the three times I rewatched the clip specifically to check on her stockings.

4. Will Madonna wear a hat at any point during the Super Bowl Halftime show?

- Yes (3/2)
- No (2/1)

RESULT: Yes. Although technically, she was wearing a pseudo-Egyptian headdressy type thing, not really a “hat,” but if you feel like approaching a bookie and pleading your case for the technical non-hatness of golden headdresses, then be my guest and instant hero.

5. How long will it take Kelly Clarkson to sing the Star Spangled Banner (from starting note to last note sung)?

- 1 minute, 34.5 seconds or longer (-120, meaning, bet $120 to win $100)
- Less than 1 minute 34.5 seconds (-120)

RESULT: Under. Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem unofficially clocked in at 1 minute, 33 seconds, according to Mo. There were no odds for “Will Kelly Clarkson also inexplicably be Zooey Deschanel?”

6. Will Kelly Clarkson’s bare belly be showing when she sings the National Anthem?

- Yes (3/1)

RESULT: No. Vegas didn’t give people the option of betting on “No,” so this didn’t technically pay off, but it basically amounted to a very random joke at the expense of Clarkson’s midrift-defensiveness, so in a way, we’re ALL winners (except 31/32 NFL fanbases).

7. What will Kelly Clarkson wear to sing the National Anthem?

- Colts Jersey (7/1)
- Giants Jersey (15/1)
- Patriots Jersey (15/1)
- NFL shirt (2/1)
- Anything else (1/3)

RESULT: Anything Else. Booooooring. Although I’m kind of intrigued by the vagueness of the “NFL Shirt” option – This would’ve been an interesting insensitive wardrobe choice for the local Indy crowd. That is, if she wasn’t able to find a shirt with Chris Berman, James Lipton, and Andrew Zimmern singing in a car and confusing my parents.

So there you have it. Just know your Super Bowl National Anthem and Halftime Show singers’ tendencies, and you can easily make your$elf a MILLIONAIRE$$$$!!!! Let’s start brushing up on who we think it’ll be next year. I’m guessssingggg… Bo Bice National Anthem, Uggie The Dog With Ukulele Halftime Show? BOOM – It’s Wikipedia Time.

(Odds info via SB Nation, SkokiePatch, and Covers.com)

In order to prolong this irrational schadenfreude as long as possible while also continuing to not think about our own teams’ earlier failures (this is how I remember the Steelers/Broncos game), enjoy these 12 Photos Of Tom Brady, Super Bowl Loser:

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Related: The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl – the fun never stops!

(Pics via Getty Images)

Unfortunately, George Lucas went back and replaced all the cans with RC Cola, but it was cool while it lasted.

(albotas, via /Film)

“The name’s Cee Lo Green – the Cee stands for ‘Cee Me Holding This Cee-at Like A Tiny Bond Villain?”

I know The Voice just started, but Cee-Lo’s team already looks unstoppable. Especially when they get into Meowing ‘Silent Night’ Week, which I believe is next week.

(via Pop Culture Brain)

Aberdeen – who did not end up actually winning the MVP, in a highly controversial decision – controlled the same chew toy for upwards of a half hour, keeping it away from as many as a half dozen other pups at the same time and scoring multiple touchdowns including the epic one below.

We acknowledge that the scoring system in the Puppy Bowl is the most arbitrary thing in sports outside of college football, but take one look at Aberdeen’s dominant puppying and agree that this, folks, is your 2012 Most Valuable Pupper:

Behold, the singular deflation of players, coaches and fans photographed right after losing the big game, reminding us again that the pain of losing a Super Bowl may be unique, but it’s also universal. Especially if you’re from Buffalo:

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(Technically during pregame, but had to be included)

BONUS: Palate Cleanser

Drew Brees And His Son After Super Bowl 43:

(All Pics Via Getty Images)

Here’s a video of Top Chef Season 6 winner Michael Voltaggio showing you how to make his way-too-complicated version of Super Bowl wings, “Boneless Chicken Wing Confit with Curry and Blue Cheese Disc.” That may sound complicated, but it’s actually WAY MORE COMPLICATED than you’re already expecting, to the point where the idea of anyone ever making this is hilarious:

Got all that? Here’s my favorite step in the recipe:

Hahaha, you got it, words! It’s basically a real-life version of Ted Allen’s Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t meal from The Onion, only more exaggerated.

(For the record, I posted this video for last year’s Super Bowl, but it’s one of my favorite things ever so here it is again. I’m just trying to help you WOW your friends at this year’s big game, by showing them this recipe so you can all be like “WOW, what a dumb waste of time!” before you eat regular wings.)

Discount Gun Sales has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Foundation to offer a pink version of its popular Walther P-22 handgun in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…

An undisclosed portion from the sale of each Walther P-22 “Hope Edition” will be donated to the Seattle Branch of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The gun retails for $429.99.

The Hope Edition has “an exclusive DuraCoat Pink slide in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness month,” according to the promotion. “Utilizing the same reliable controls and firing mechanism that has made the Walther P-22 America’s top selling handgun, the Hope Edition will be a limited production pistol offered exclusively through Discount Gun Sales.”

Alright! First things first, let’s listen to “America, F*ck Yeah!” five times. Second, isn’t this gun already unlockable in N64 Goldeneye? Third, we could probably figure out some literary symbolism in the fact that the organization that came out against Planned Parenthood also sponsored a device designed for ending lives, but we’ll leave that to Robert Frost. He’s dead? Fine, then the Robert Frost Tumblr.

All I’m saying is, Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. Make it happen.

(Thanks, @ryeisenberg!)

That’s right – Jack In The Box has introduced a Bacon Milkshake as party of their “If you like bacon so much, why don’t you marry it?” campaign, which is actually just a whimsical advertising slogan and not an actual suggestion, as a Justice of the Peace recently informed me.

I love that the ad even says “It’s for real,” like Jack In The Box kind of knows they’re cheating with this one. “The new Bacon Shake – we’re not sh*tting you, we really did this!”

Just gotta check the Jack In The Box ‘store locator’ to find the nearest location in New York City and the Bacon Shake SHALL BE MINE…

NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Damn you West Coast, with your Jack In The Boxes and fancy weather and skateboards and big boom boxes that you blast early-90s hip hop from while roller skating around the boardwalk that runs up the entire coast. I’ll see you in a few hours once I check Orbitz…

(via Eater)

The following ad from Pete Holmes, Matt McCarthy, and Oren Brimer was one of the five finalists in the contest, but it sadly lost out (#Ballsgate – never forget). It remains to this day the best Super Bowl commercial of all time, even though it never rightfully aired.

Websites dust off their “Greatest Super Bowl Ads Of All Time” lists every year, but their lame Budweiser Frogs and Pepsi Truckers can’t hold a candle to Doritos Beer:

I’ve watched this upwards of 50 times now in my life, and the ending gets me every time. Also, these should exist. That’s all.

Oh great, another character to remember?? Ahh, can’t complain, just happy to see any images of that show during this dark Thronesless winter. Can’t wait til that show comes back and we get to see the groundhog decapitate someone and/or get naked.

(Pic by God Of Nerds via MTV Geek, thought it appears Alex Zalben may have had the idea first, I just really enjoy the version with the sword. Doesn’t matter, we all just get sucked into the HuffPo turbine in the end anyway. Good ‘shoppin, Internet!)