Well, guys. It’s going to seem a little bit like you’re not going to see Tommy Lee Jones. But I swear to God, you’re going to see Tommy Lee Jones.
Okay, now for the antisemitic part. They made his ears all big. And ears aren’t a nose — I totally get that. But for some reason when I saw Tommy Lee Jones with big ears, I was like, “What a Jew.” Sooooooo, probably I’m just antisemitic. Sorry, Mom. Am I the Mel Gibsom of this blog now?
Anyway, this is a weird Japanese commercial right?! Have a good weekend!
Well… This image is on the internet this morning. Let’s talk about it for a little.
First, let me address the question you’re all asking. No, I don’t know what’s on the other side of her head. It might be plain black hair or it might be a photo-realistic replica of a Count Chocula ceral box. I don’t have the technology to rotate around this photo in three dimensions and find out. I’m not all the guys who aren’t Will Smith in Enemy of the State.
Secondly, I’m going to ask you to perhaps reconsider your immediate reaction, which I’m going to assume was one of disgust. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t think you’re progressive minded enough to not immediately judge this woman. I know some of you are all like, “No way, I thought this was AWESOME!” Shut up. No you didn’t. You were being ironic sh*tty and doing that thing where instead of saying “I hate Lou Bega,” you say “I love rhythmic grooves of Mambo Number 5.” You know what I’m talking about and you were doing it.
So anyway, you’re a terrible person who was just “ironic,” and you judged this woman with Oreo hair. But what I want you to ask yourself is this: Isn’t it better than a tattoo? This can be undone. Tattoos cannot. I feel like we, as a culture, are much more accepting of a slightly awful tattoo than we are of a really ridiculous hair thing. Guys, let’s stop doing that. Let’s allow people to be as insane as they want to be with their hair with the understanding that it is not permanent. If we stopped being so snickery and superior about weird hair stuff, maybe people would be more likely to express themselves in this temporary way, and less likely to get terrible tattoos that will be with all of us until that person dies.
A general tolerance for weird Oreo Hair could potentially lead to fewer bad tattoos. This is my point. Try to counterpoint me. I dare you.
A&E is letting Tony Danza teach students in high school as part of a reality show about Tony Danza teaching students in high school. I think they should call the show Who’s The Dangerous Boss Minds? but they instead will call it Teach: Tony Danza.
I hate/love how terrible ideas for television shows have become the very best ideas for television shows. Every TV Executive To His Employees: “Go back to your office and don’t come out until you have the worst idea I’ve ever heard!”
He wants to be called Mr. D, but I’m pretty sure his students are just going to call him Tony Danza. I know that’s what I would call him.
The following is a thing that my friend, Joe Mande, and I made together. And by “made together,” I mean he made it while I kept saying, “that’s funny, Joe!” and playing with his dog.
Allow me to explain really quickly what this is. There is a commercial for a Time/Life DVD collection about the Nazis. But in the commercial, it sort of sounds like they’re just trying to sell you Nazis. So what we (mostly Joe) did was take the audio from the commercial and re-edit it to make it sound exactly like they’re just trying to sell you Nazis.
Now as you can see, there is no video for this audio yet. So if you would like to try to create some sort of animation or film-type-thing for it, please feel free to do so and if it’s super great, I will add it.
When I first saw the title of this video, “Danish Championships 2010 in Rabbit Hopping,” I was pretty positive I was about to click on a video of a bunch of guys in Copenhagen doing a silly line dance. Somehow, I was actually excited for that. But then…whoa, man. I was being way not literal enough. This video is, instead, just straight up rabbits competing in a hopping competition. Good morning!
Thanks to my friend, Ann Maddox, who I haven’t seen in over year but posted this on her Facebook Wall.
This video is everywhere today, and I think I like it a lot. There’s something really calming about watching it. It’s like the sound of a babbling brook, but instead of a brook, it’s a drunk guy. And instead of babbling he’s trying to walk. It almost looks like Tai Chi. It’s so unusually graceful. You know, until he falls down at the end.
Do you feel more relaxed now? I bet you do. This guy is acupuncture for your eyes (in a good way, not an eye bleedy way).
This product is not actually called Cleavage-Be-Gone, but it should be. Instead it is called the Cami-Secret.
“All I want is to have my coworkers and this slutty sweater in the same room! But how?!”
-The Woman In This Commercial
If this was before the internet and I was 15, I would stay up all night waiting for this commercial to air (in this hypothetical my parents don’t have premium cable). Also I think that whatever the opposite of the Cami-Secret would be probably would make a more appealing product.
EXTRA: In case you were wondering what that woman from the commercial’s life is like, you can totally read her blog here. Yeah, that’s right. I put in the research. That’s why they call me The Closer. (They don’t call me that and it wouldn’t even make sense if they did).
Sometimes I tweet too much. I’ll be the first to admit it. But I didn’t realize that I was tweeting so much that it actually made the internet mad at me. Here is what happened when I last tried to sign in to my account.
I mean… I’m offended. Of course. But, I get it. I’m sorry, internet. I’ll try to show more restraint.
Has this ever happened to any of you? Or am I just the worst?
This is entirely unrelated to pop culture and instead a completely self centered thing that is purely for my amusement. But if you guys would be so kind, I would be thrilled if you would help me out with getting this teacher from Millineum Tribeca High School a really good score on RateMyTeachers.com. We have the same name.
What I want here is a highest possible rating of 5 for helpfulness, clarity, and popularity. But here’s the interesting part. I only want a rating of 3 for Easiness. I don’t want people thinking this guy is a hack. That would reflect poorly on almost me’s reputation as a teacher. And give him a nice comment too. Here’s the rating I made and I feel it is a strong example of what you should strive for.
And if you can find your own name on RateMyTeachers.com, feel free to put your name in the comment section and people can give your namesake a career boost too. Come on guys. Let’s DO this.
