SeptemberKTLA 5 in L.A. has a special ticker that scrolls along with each episode of The Maury Povich Show, where viewers can text in their thoughts for a small, completely-worth-it fee. The ticker is sponsored by UEI College, a college that looks to recruit people who spend their days watching The Maury Povich Show. Not the worst idea actually.
Then again, if I was a graduate of UEI College, I would expect texts to be a little more intelligent than this:
And this:
September
The internet is good for a few things. Keeping in touch with loved ones, staying abreast of the latest news and entertainment, porn. And one of the many things we personally rely on the internet for is the endless supply of photos and videos of fat cats.
Yes, the Fat Cat is 80 percent of the reason the internet has succeeded. I myself used to be the proud owner of a fat cat named Lutzy, who passed away at 11 while looking like a beached seal with a peanut head. (That last sentence is Da Vinci Code for “I will make a great Mom one day.”) And it’s not like he didn’t exercise! Alas, he left us, and my search for the new Fat Cat King of the Internet continued…
It is with great honor and esteem that I present you the new King of Fat Cats on the Internet. His owner papipapa refers to him only as “Fat Cat,” and really, no other name would suit such a divine creature. We first met Fat Cat in this now insanely viral video of him walking on an underwater treadmill. But oh. He has so much more to offer. He sits on a little pink Laz-y-Boy. He plays piano. He swims. He watches TV like a human. He models. He is nothing short of a gift. And he is… The New King Of Fats Cats On The Internet.
Those seeking proof, I present to you the below 36 — yes THIRTY-SIX — videos. Believe me, every single one of them is required internet viewing.
36.
I, for one, welcome our new fat cat overlord…
September
Bradley Cooper has been kind of unrecognizable lately. His hair’s been looking darker, his beard is gone, he’s gotten a little thin. But today, it finally all makes sense… he’s just getting in shape for his portrayal of the “Hipster Unabomber.” All things considered, he’s looking pretty good.
[Photo: Splash]
September
September
Nope, this title isn’t some dig at the Real Househusbands of New Jersey. This is a real gorilla named Joe, who back in 1967 was a tiny gorilla baby at England’s Twycross Zoo, filmed taking a bath.
Joe cannot get enough of this bath. He even turns into a little bath hog when a chimp tries to get in on the action, this baby gorilla pushes him right on outta the tub. And while we may all laugh at this tiny apeman splashing in vintage bliss, let’s also take a moment to realize that EVOLUTION IS REAL. And also: How is that chimp ever gonna take a bath?
(The FW via Stephen Lenz)
September
Here is Hugh Jackman playing “little spoon” to a giant robot at Real Steel photocall in Munich, Germany. Don’t know about Hugh, but that robot is definitely on the DL.
(via Splash)
SeptemberHere’s is a video of recently fined U.S. Open runner-up Serena Williams dropping it like it’s hot to some Trey Songz’s “Bottoms Up.”
Dropping what, you say? You know, it. A nice pile of steaming dance. Why this video exists? That’s a question that I don’t have an answer for.
Poor sister Venus Williams is shaking her head right now. If you listen close enough, you can hear the puka shells at the end of her braids clacking together. Because I mean, she’s a great tennis player. But this dancing? We’ve all been Elaine’d.
Ahead, a much pornier Serena booty-shake video that looks a lot more like her in the face and ass.
SeptemberFirst there was A&E’s Hoarders. Then, banking on the success of watching people who make you feel slightly less filthy and disgusting about the state of your own home, TLC put together Hoarders: Buried Alive, which is basically the same show, only with the added threat of imminent “trapped in your home” death in the title. Most episodes of either Hoarders are unbearable, not only because of the filth, but also because those who choose to hoard are 100 percent of the time mentally unstable people who are probably not getting the real help they need.
But why focus on all this “negative” “imagery” when sometimes, Hoardies can bring happiness into our lives! Take recent Hoarder Donna, author of Ventriloquism For Dummies (my oldest joke, you’re welcome), who risked being buried alive by thousands upon thousands of ventriloquist puppets. Donna was a sweet woman who, unfortunately, had an addiction to the scariest thing known to man. And also, no offense to the woman, but her lips totally moved the entire time. I mean…
Here are the 30 Creepiest Stills taken from the episode… along with some bonus GIFs. Scroll through and see if you can find my 3 favorite dummies!!
30.
29.
28.
September
Entourage actor Jeremy Piven was spotted taking his 3 Emmy Awards on a walk around Soho in New York City today. Perhaps Piven is bitter as he’s not nominated this year? Or maybe he’s remind everyone that even though Entourage has come to an end, his legacy as a thespian will never be forgotten. Either way, we’ll always fondly remember Piven for his best work: Playing George Costanza on The Pilot episode of Seinfeld.
More pics of Piven Baby-Bjorning his awards around town, and a guess as to who the father of his children is…
SeptemberAuthor Kyria Abrahams spotted these wide-eyed dried beef snacks this weekend, called “Perky Jerky.”
I’ve never tried beef jerky in my life, but I can guarantee that if I am to try it, I would like for it to be “Perky Jerky.” Check out this description on their website:
It’s tasty, tender, and totally addicting. If you’re looking for a life changing experience, you gotta try Perky Jerky – The Action Packed Snack!
What? This snack sounds unbelievable!! Life-changing AND action-packed?? Sorry “Snackwell’s Devil’s Food Cake Cookies” (sarcasm quotes because I haven’t eaten those since middle school), but there’s a new snack on the block, and it can kick your p*ssy snack ass all over town. Because it’s performance-enhancing jerky. The performance in question? I’d rather not think about it.
Michelle Collins
Managing Editor
Dan Hopper
Senior Editor
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