February
Want to make hipsters feel less self-conscious about how hard they’re trying to look their parents? Slap a little RAP MUSIC ON THAT SH*T. Some genius on Youtube (LOL, everyone on Youtube is a genius) decided to combine the slow-motion footage from every Wes Anderson movie ever with some Ja Rule. Give your horn-rimmed glasses a buffing and crack open a 40 because you’re about to feel like a boss.
(via Uproxx and The Cajun Boy)
February
[via Flickr]
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[via Flickr]
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[via Daily Kitten]
February
Sure, everyone is making a big fuss about the latest Bourne installment, The Bourne Legacy, starring Jeremy Renner in lieu of our rugged hero Matt Damon. But IIII’m going to STICK MY NECK OUT on THIS ONE and say that producers made a big mistake not hiring Bela Lugosi for the part of Jason Bourne.
I mean think about it: A fearless assassin, trained with the utmost precision, who is also a freaky looking old school vampire. Pamela Landy pulls the top secret file out of her drawer, with a stamp on it labeled ‘BLEDSTONE.’ Wanting to catch him, but also strangely… drawn to him. I believe this is what we industry people call “$$$$$.”
Plus, Lugosi’s been gearing up for the part his whole life. Sorry Renner, but I think we’d all rather “Lugosi” this version. No? Just me? Not even me? OK.
February
Apartment living ain’t easy. Especially in New York, when sometimes it seems the walls are so thin, your neighbors are having sex with you. Even more shocking is when you wake up in between them and wonder: HOW DID WE GET HERE? The answer is pretty simple:
Alcohol.
Yes, the easiest way to “chip the ice” with a next-door neighbor is to randomly show up, drink in hand, and ply them with whatever sizzling concoction you threw together in your bathtub. Laughter will be up, inhibitions down, and then you can slowly approach the topic that brought you over there in the first place: “Could you please stop leaving your used diaper genie bags under my welcome mat?” It works, I promise.
Now, I can’t take credit for this idea. No, I actually picked this helpful tip up from hilarious comedian and friend Katina Corrao, who has been trying to get past my front door for years now. It’s never worked… until today. In this latest installment of her web series “The Good Neighbor Minute” Katina fools me into letting her into my home, drinking a random mixture of liquids, wearing an unflattering pirate’s costume (burning it), and eventually, shattering my good martini glass. But she’s just so lovable, you can’t fault her! (Katina, you can click here to replace that glass.)
By the way, I think we’re both pretty fantastic actresses. Someone tweet this to @Spielberg please and thank you.
February
Well, it’s happened: Lindsay Lohan has finally turned that corner. At the age of 25, it’s official: She looks worse than Woody Allen. And no one is more unimpressed than our favorite expressionless child-bride in New York, Soon-Yi Previn.
Yes, Lindsay showed up at last night’s amFAR Gala dressed in all white and with a blonde hairstyle and bangs that, instead of covering up her exhaustion, service as a Photoshop “outer glow” helping to highlight how old she looks.
Click to see a close-up on Lindsay’s look.
February
Ayyyyyayayayayayayay. Someone gave their rabbit a bath and he turned into Natalie Portman in Black Swan. Now, I’ve never owned a rabbit myself, so I don’t know the rules of their grooming habits. But according to many a-commenter over at Reddit, where the photo originated from, bathing your rabbit can cause really, really bad things to happen to it. I’m talking Gremlins bad.
Now, I don’t want to bring up the “d” word in this post (death) because that photo is so cute why ruin it?! But just as a warning to the readers whom we care about dearly, don’t wash your rabbits, because you will get a cute internet photo out of it but they might get tiny pneumonia as a result.
That being said HE SO SKINNY AND JUST WANTS TO SLOW DANCE. I will gladly warm him up in the hood of my sweatshirt and fill it with so many carrots this rabbit will actually start to worry that he really did drop d.
February1. First things first, you’re going to want to get yourself a cat. It helps if this cat looks like it’s from another planet, and doubly so if it was already born with a miserable face. Put a towel on his head to make sure he knows what is coming. It helps if you also run some bathwater out of the faucet and point to the cat, and then to the faucet.
2. Immerse your cat in water. Make sure the water is not too hot but definitely icy cold. Also support your little guy in the bucket so that it doesn’t drown.
FebruaryI don’t want anyone to panic. Just, take your seats, relax, calm down. But I should probably tell you: I forgot about Michael Phelps’s face for a second.
The man has a body of a god. A dolphin god. One with flipper feet and hands that could turn any sandwich into a panini in under 30 seconds. So kudos to Head & Shoulders dandruff shampoo for picking 14-time gold medalist (!!!) Phelps to be the body of their new campaign. And my oh my, what a body this man has. It’s like one of those 3-D paintings, where if you stare at it long enough, other forms start to appear. And if you stare really long, you can almost see the wilting Beauty And The Beast rose.
Also kudos to Head & Shouldersfor having the brilliance for allowing him to lather up and shower for our viewing pleasure. It’s completely not creepy at all but you should probably scroll through it on your own, pretending he’s beside you. In the darkness, you’ll feel his arms around you. And when you lose your way you’ll close your eyes and he has found you.
Let’s watch him take a shower together, yes?
Here he is putting dandruff shampoo into his pizza paddle hands:
February
Today might seem like any other day to you. But to human grizzly bear Nick Nolte, today marks the 71st year of his existence on Earth. And all things considered, he looks like your average 71 year old man who has lived at once both the easiest and roughest life one can hope for. Looking at Nolte now, it’s hard to imagine that there was a tie where he was HOT AS SH*T.
Oh… but there was. Back in the day, Nolte could get it. In fact, he could pretty much get it up untillll 1994′s I Love Trouble. (Also, I hear what you’re saying right now, and yes, even hot homeless Nick Nolte in Down And Out In Beverly Hills could get it.) Sure, these days Nick Nolte looks like something I would find on my foot after a hike, but guys, it’s his birthday! Let’s remember the good young days, when his jeans were tight and his mustache barely combed.
7.
February
Ladies and gentleman, prepare to get a little bit aroused at work or otherwise. That’s because no matter your gender, this first look at The Bourne Legacy not starring Matt Damon, but instead, the slightly tinier but equally as rugged Jeremy Renner, will satisfy your every movie trailer desire.
Yes, it seems that we have ALL as a movie-going public been duped. Because see there isn’t just one Jason Bourne. Oh no. This is the CIA people, come on, do you think they’d be that stupid as to limit the part of a billion-dollar franchise to one actor I mean agent? Of course not. There are many Jason Bourne’s to go around. And in Jeremy Renner, they have perhaps found their worst enemy. Because, as you’ll soon see in this trailer, the first from the film, this Bourne doesn’t make any mistakes, unlike those other Bournes who once used to mop sh*t up at MIT. Nope, this born can make a house explode with the handle of a fire hydrant and not even know how! Science? Maybe. But I think it has a little something to do with David Strathairn (who is thankfully back.)
Oh yeah, the other thing: None of the evil people from the other Bourne movies ever paid any sort of price, apparently, because they’re all back to work as usual, Treadstoning and what not. Long trilogy story longer, it goes without saying this movie will no doubt live up to the others, because after watching it, I took an ice bath while listening to the Inception soundtrack (a good thing!)
Also Ed Norton. The movie comes out August 3, 2012, which means you will have only this trailer to fantasize about until then. You’re welcome!
Ahead, a first look at the film’s poster. It’s very The Talented Mr. Ripley… perhaps another nod to the original Bourne.
Michelle Collins
Managing Editor
Dan Hopper
Senior Editor
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