Best Week Ever » Bob Castrone

Saying Goodbye to The Best Job Ever

Bob Castrone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:45:36 +0000

For those of you who missed my spoiler alert in last week’s Ode to Zach Braff post, it may come as a surprise to learn that today is my last day working at Best Week Ever.tv. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourselves. [2, maybe 3 seconds pass. at the most]

Better? Good. I’ve had a great time writing on this site and it’s not easy moving on. I’m going to miss telling people that I write jokes about Britney Spears’ vagina for a living, I’m going to miss watching celebrity sex tapes at work and I’m going to miss getting advanced copies of CD’s like Kevin Federline’s Playing With Fire and Paris Hiltons’ Paris. Actually… maybe I won’t miss that.

I can’t leave without thanking you guys; the readers. Yeah, I know it’s cliche, but whatever. Deal with it. Thanks for calling me out on my b.s., diasagreeing with me when I knew I was right, and pointing out every grammatical error and typo when I was blogging hungover. You made me a better person. Okay, that’s a lie. You made me a better blogger. That’s better.

Anyway, I’m not going too far. If you ever find yourself thinking, “Hey, I wonder whatever happened to that Bob guy who constantly posted about Lindsay Lohan’s firecrotch” you can head over here and check out The Post Show, or just add us on MySpace where we can be friends forever. Or can drop by Hyde, walk over to the VIP section and find me hanging out with Brandon Davis and his fat brother. In fact, just do that. It’d be a better story.

Okay- I littered the requisite amount of celebrity names into my goodbye post to ensure that it’s Best Week Ever-y enough. Done and done. On that note, I’m out of here. Be nice to Michelle and Alex. Actually, scratch that- just be nice to Michelle. Rock on.

-Bob

CAPTION THIS! Federlinin’ Them Up

Bob Castrone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:00:04 +0000

Post-Britney, Kevin Federline is still seeking a nice, big, ridiculously fake bosom to cry on.

For more K-Fed, head over to TMZ. Then leave your captions in the comments.

SHOCKING! Chuck Woolery’s Anti-Gay Rage!!!!

Bob Castrone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:00:28 +0000

This just in: Chuck Woolery, host of Love Connection and approximately 87% of the other game shows that air on The Game Show Network, is a tremendous homophobe. Just watch this video of Chuck casually throwing around the word “Faggot” like it’s okay or something. Truly, truly sickening stuff.

Shocking! Offensive! Disgusting! Crucify this man immediately!!!

Oh… wait a second. I just watched it again. The guy’s name is Fagot. Ohhh. Eh, doesn’t matter, let’s pretend that we’re all still outraged. People have lost their jobs for less.

VIDEO HITS ONE: Gwen at 4 In The Morning

Bob Castrone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:30:35 +0000

Gwen Stefani has finally figured out how to make the video we all* want to see: simply roll around in bed, take a bath, and look hot for 4 1/2 minutes. No Asian sidekicks, no Mad Hatter costume, no yodeling; just bed, bath and beyond. Works for me.

*by “we all” I simply mean “me”.

Vid via Stereogum

While You Were Reading My Last ‘While You Were’s’ Ever

Bob Castrone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 14:00:45 +0000

A Swedish couple has been granted permission to name thier child “Metallica”. It’s all part of their master plan to ensure their daughter doesn’t kiss a guy until she’s 30.
Erik Estrada has received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s about time his work on Armed & Famous was recognized.
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Alba top a new list of sexiest celebrities. And coincidentally, the new list tops the list of obvious lists.
Madonna announced that she won’t be adopting any more children. Bitch is straight up kidnapping them now.
Heather Mills annoyed fellow passengers on a flight to Britain when she decided to dance down the aisle. Though they were probably just freaked out by the fake-leg thing. That’s all.

I LIKE TO WATCH: On Weed

Bob Castrone — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:00:58 +0000

Brace yourself, people- it’s an all new “I Like To Watch” for the weekend of 4/20. Try not to read into the fact that this week’s podcast focuses on Smokin’ Aces, Evil Bong and Harsh Times– it’s a total coincidence that those titles are stoner-friendly. Yep. A total coincidence. Check it out now, maaaaaan.

CAPTION THIS! Lick The Cheerleader

Bob Castrone — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 19:00:04 +0000

When I heard there was a picture of the cheerleader from “Heroes” licking Stanley’s Cup, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. Or what I was hoping for…

For more pictures of Hayden Panttierre licking things, click here. Then leave your own creepy captions in the comments.

TRAILER MIX: Hairspray

Bob Castrone — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 17:00:54 +0000

John Travolta in a dress. Michelle Pfeiffer looking hot. A big chick who looks kind of like Ricki Lake acting kind of like Ricki Lake. It’s the brand new Hairspray and it’s going to be huge! Or a complete disaster. It’s hard to tell…

While You Were Deciding Who To Vote For Now

Bob Castrone — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:00:15 +0000

It’s finally over– Sanjaya was voted off American Idol last night. In a related story, I now no longer care what happens on American Idol. Who’s with me?
Lindsay Lohan thinks is weird she went to rehab because she’s not an addict. I guess she skipped right over that “admit you have a problem” step.
Larry Birkhead has confirmed that he’s renamed baby Dannielynn. She’ll now simply go by “Cha-Ching!”
The divorce of Liza Minnelli and David Gest will be finalized this week. And you know what that means- Liza’s back on the market, fellas! Party time!
Simon Cowell is the 700th richest person in Britain. This, of course, comes to no surprise to people who know that the British measure their wealth in tight black shirts.

TIVO ALERT: Paul Scheer Does Dave

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:00:23 +0000

What do Paul Scheer, Edie Falco and Son Volt have in common? TONS! For starters, they’ll all be appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman tonight. Beyond that… um… huh. Okay, I guess that’s it. But that’s more than enough.

Make sure you set your TIVO’s or VCR’s (remember those?). I’m sure Paul will find a way to talk about Human Giant, Best Week Ever, his recent obsession with the movie Firehouse Dog and God knows what else. Don’t miss it.

ICYMI: A Parody Of A Parody Of A Joke

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 19:30:36 +0000

Inspired by the lyrical genius of “My Humps”, world-famous fatherf**ker Peaches recorded her own version of the song last year and called it “My Dumps”. It would’ve gone down as a forgotten parody, but as we’re beginning to learn, “My Humps” is the gift that keeps on giving. Check out this video of Peaches Alanis Morrissett-ing her version of “My Dumps” and giving it the emotion it deserves. (vid via Perez):

For the original version of “My Dumps” click here. So who’s going to tackle “My Humps” next? Shania? Beyonce? Hootie? Who’s it gonna be?

CAPTION THIS! The Princess of Punk

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 19:00:08 +0000

Pink highlights? Check. Throwing up devil horns? Check. Pretty pretty pink princess dress and a song about how she really wants to be your girlfriend? Check and check. It’s official- Avril Lavigne is totally punk rock.

For more hardcore pics of the most badass chick ever, click here. Then leave your captions in the comments.

ICYMI: Eye-Roll-Gate

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 17:00:20 +0000

Did Simon Cowell really roll his eyes when Idol contestant Chris Richardson sent his thoughts and prayers to the folks over at Virginia Tech last night? Idol’s executive producer says “no.” The video… well, I’ll let you make the call.

“Everyone Is Gay,” And Other Outrageous Claims in Pop Music History

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 16:30:49 +0000

Writing a song is hard. Not everything in the world can be as simple as “I’m hot cuz I’m fly, you ain’t cuz you’re not.” Sometimes musicians and songwriters have to come up with metaphors, antecdotes or quotable lines– all while keeping the beat and rhyming with the line before. It’s not always easy, which is why every so often we’re blessed with ridiculous lines like “there’s an old man sitting next to me, making love to his tonic & gin.” The folks over at Cracked have compiled a list of the 15 Most Outrageous Claims in Pop Music History. Crappy metaphors, ridiculous rap claims and straight up nonsense- it’s all there. Check it out now.

The list is great (I don’t think I ever noticed how stupid that Color Me Badd line is), but I’ll be honest: I’m a little surprised that Lil’ Kim’s claim that her vag comes in different flavors didn’t make the cut. Maybe next time.

While You Were Texting Your Vote For You-Know-Who

Bob Castrone — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 14:00:34 +0000

A laundry basket that was once owned by Paris Hilton has failed to attract any bids on eBay. Because at this point, everybody’s just plain sick of Paris’ dirty laundry.
Joe Pesci brandished a golf club and threatened Robbie Williams after one of Robbie’s friends accidentally blocked his driveway. It’s kind of nice to see the line between fantasy and reality is thin when it comes to Joe Pesci, isn’t it?
Dave Chappelle shattered The Laugh Factory’s endurace record by performing for six hours and seven minutes straight. And it’s believed he also shattered Michael Richards‘ record for number of n-words dropped.
The lead singer of Right Said Fred plans on running for Mayor of London. His “I’m Too Sexy For Fiscal Irresponsibility” campaign is expected to be a huge hit.
The next edition of Survivor will be filmed in China, making it the first reality TV show filmed entirely in the communist nation. And the first Survivor with 1.3 billion participants.

VIDEO HITS ONE: Forget-This-Not

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:00:59 +0000

Their name- Tacks, The Boy Disaster- is interesting. Their video for “Forget-Me-Not” is even better. Just check it out now; I don’t think a description could do it justice (but just in case, know that my description would contain the words: gnomes, aliens, cartoons, trippy, hipsters and monsters. Not necessarily in that order).

Video via Stereogum, naturally.

Perry Hilton is So Hot Right Now. So Hot.

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 19:30:35 +0000

Perry Hilton has nothing in common with Paris Hilton. Well, except for the same initials. And blonde hair. And I guess they both hang out at Hyde. And have corny catchphrases. And neither of them wear underwear. I guess. But beyond that, they’re as different as night and day. If you don’t believe me, just check out these two Perry Hilton videos from Funny or Die. The tabloids better get ready: there’s a brand new hot socialite in town.

CAPTION THIS! The Naked Girl Next Door

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 19:00:12 +0000

That’s really not saying much- Holly would also rather go naked than: pay rent, get a job, learn how to act, sleep with somebody her own age… the list goes on and on.

Your turn: leave your captions in the comments now! (pic via The Blemish)

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 17:30:49 +0000

Sanjaya continues to exceed our wildest expectations. Not only is the subpar singer still contending for the American Idol crown despite… well, despite everything… but now, somehow, he’s apparently considered a sex symbol. By dudes. Why else would Maxim name him their Girl of the Day?

You’ve no one but the Devil’s lawyer to blame for this androgynous American Idol stowaway, who, despite being detested by the judges, somehow remains in the hunt for the show’s coveted prize as this year’s top 40 footnote. We stopped watching after the auditions (the only digestible part of the show), but it’s our understanding that we have Sanjina to thank for the “ponyhawk,” a hair-novation destined to tickle your underarm as you noogie hordes of copycat hipsters.

So now it’s settled: even if Sanjaya isn’t the next American Idol, at least we know he can be the next Taylor Hanson.

ICYMI: Dr. Claude VonScheer Explains It All

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:30:37 +0000

Paul Scheer took a break from dominating MTV with The Human Giant (that show is f’ing genius) to hang out with The Post Show guys (read: me + 2 of my idiot friends) and report on a growing social epidemic: rape dates. Don’t let the fake mustache fool you- I swear it’s him. If you’re a straight guy who’s seen an entire episode of Grey’s Anatomy you may already be a victim…

While You Were Sick Of The April Showers

Bob Castrone — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:00:24 +0000

It’s rumored that Lindsay Lohan is having a lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson. So I guess that answers the question, “what’s Lindsay gonna do after she F’s every guy in Hollywood?”
A mischevious Britney Spears told a photographer that she’s pregnant, adding that Americans should believe everything they read. On that note, I’m terrified. Believe that, America.
As a child, Henry Rollins dreamed of being a part of Gladys Knight & The Pips. Unfortunately, he saw himself as more of a Pip than a Gladys.
Lily Allen thinks trying to make it big in America is boring. Robbie Williams, Take That, and everybody else who couldn’t make it here completely agree.
Tom Hanks will earn between $29 million and $49 million to star in the follow up to The DaVinci Code. Though most of the money will go directly to hair supplies.

BWE PODCAST: Get With The Program

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 20:30:55 +0000

With so many brand new programs hitting the air this season, who has the time to watch them all? The answer is Shea Hess. So if you haven’t decided whether or not you’re gonna check out Drive, The Real Wedding Crashers, Thank God You’re Here or The Tudors, let Shea make that decision a whole lot easier for you.

If you want more Get With The Programs, head on over to iTunes and subscribe today!

CAPTION THIS! Un-be-Weave-able

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 19:00:24 +0000

Quick to embrace a trend, Beyonce joins the Sanjaya fan club.

For more pictures of Beyonce performing (presumably a terrible rendition of “Mack The Knife”), click here. Then leave your captions in the comments.

ICYMI: Will Ferrell’s Landlord

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:30:44 +0000

Simply not content with dominating the box office anymore, Will Ferrell now has his eyes set on viral videos. We’re all screwed.

Just check out The Landlord, starring Will, his buddy Adam McKay and Adam’s daughter Pearl. Watch the video and you’ll see that there’s only one actor working today who’s capable of upstaging Will. And she’s adorable.

Paul Rudd & David Wain Make Karaoke Look Good

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 17:30:10 +0000

There are a few things in life you just can’t argue. Like, Paul Rudd is awesome. Like, Wet Hot American Summer (directed by BWE’r David Wain) is awesome. And, like, “More Than A Feeling” by Boston is both a) awesome and b) one of the greatest karaoke songs ever. So when you combine Rudd, Wain, Boston, karaoke and genuine rocking out, the results are… well… you know.

Vid via Forkcast

Kissing Richard Gere is Dangerous

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 17:00:56 +0000

When Richard Gere kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty repeatedly on the face during an AIDS awareness event in New Delhi, there’s no way he could’ve known that his actions would be considered offensive by the Indian people. And not just a little offensive, like, Runaway Bride times a thousand offensive. Just check out this news story:

A public display of affection got Richard Gere in trouble with Indian moviegoers. Irate fans burned the Hollywood actor in effigy April 16, after he repeatedly kissed movie actress Shilpa Shetty during an AIDS awareness event in New Delhi.

The 58-year-old Gere was in India to participate in a safe sex campaign directed at truck drivers. Of all nations, India has the largest number of people living with HIV. During the ceremony, Gere repeatedly kissed Shetty’s hand and cheeks.

Protesters say the actions, shown repeatedly on Indian television, violate standards of propriety.

You can watch a video of the offensive act (read: kiss) right here. In the coming days as people protest and demand Gere’s arrest, just be thankful that the actor didn’t comment on her hairstyle or potential promiscuity. Because Lord knows what would’ve happened then.

While You Were I-Missing Imus

Bob Castrone — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 14:00:51 +0000

Bookmakers are offering 20-1 odds that Britney Spears hooks up with newly-single Prince William and becomes the next Queen of England. If it pans out, the phrase “God Save the Queen” will never be more relevant.
When asked what she would do about Sanjaya, Hilary Clinton said it was the “best question” she’s been asked in a long time. Until the reporter added “…would you send him to Iraq or not?”
The cast of Frasier has considered reuniting on Broadway. Upon hearing the news, rich, snotty white people with bad senses of humor shook hands with one another and exclaimed “Well done! Well done indeed!”
Grey’s Anatomy has been honored by the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Discrimination. Isaiah Washington accepted the awards by thanking all the f-words* who voted for them.
Menudo will reunite for a MTV reality show. Sadly, it’ll probably be for the MTV reality show Next.

*the one that rhymes with “shaggits”, not the real F-word

Best of the Best Week Ever

Bob Castrone — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 22:00:39 +0000

Don Imus said something stupid, lost his job, and now we all have to hear about it/ argue about it until another idiot does something stupid. Rinse, repeat.
Our Sunday night finally had meaning again thanks to the return of The Sopranos and Entourage.
We stretched the definition of “celebrity sex tape” by admitting an American Idol castmember that nobody remembers into the club.
We were blesed with the most touching Zach Braff tribute ever.
And we learned how to make our very own Joe Francis, which is great since the real one won’t be breaking out of prison anytime soon.

Best Week Ever is off this week, so you’ll just have to use your imagination and try to guess what Doug Benson would’ve said about Imus. Have a great weekend!

ICYMI: Vasectomy B-Roll is A-OK!

Bob Castrone — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 21:00:37 +0000

Everybody’s familiar with the classic “news B-roll footage that features faceless people walking down the street.” It’s always shot from the neck down, and it’s usually used to accompany stories about obesity or exercise. However, when a local news team in Utah used those same shots to talk about vasecotmies, the footage became… dirty. And hilarious. Check it out.

Vid via Gorillamask

Stay Together For The Kids Millions & Millions of Dollars

Bob Castrone — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:00:26 +0000

When Paul McCartney and the world’s most popular one-legged competitive dancer were going through their divorce, everybody made a big deal about how much money it was going to cost the Beatle to get rid of his wife. It ended up coming out to roughly $60 million, which is probably a little bit more than your dad gave your mom after their divorce*. But guess what- that’s not even in the Top 5 when it comes to celebrity divorce payouts. I bet that makes Paul feel better. Probably not $60 million worth of better, but better.

The sadistic bastards at Forbes made a list of the 10 Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces. Give it a read. If your name isn’t Michael Jordan, Kevin Costner, Steven Spielberg or Neil Diamond you’ll probably enjoy it.

Link via DListed

*sorry about bringing up repressed memories. trust me, it’s for the best