Daniel Radcliff’s theoretically playing the son of Rudyard Kipling in his upcoming movie My Boy Jack, but it looks like he’s just one funny mustache away from being young Adolf.
(Photo via Harry Potter Trio.com)
Adam Winer's Archive
AugustMonday
More Songs About the Woman Who Inspired “Layla,” “Something” and “Wonderful Tonight”
Time for some music history: Back in the 70s–a distant era where irony didn’t exist and men mistakenly grew their hair long–there was a model named Pattie Boyd who married a musician named George Harrison, who was a member of a band named The Beatles. George loved Pattie so much he wrote a song about her. The song was called “Something” and it was included on an album called Abbey Road. A couple of people liked that song. Then another musician, we’ll call him Eric Clapton, decided he loved Pattie also, so he started to woo her. To do that, he wrote her a song of his own. He called that song “Layla.” Fun! Eventually, Pattie ended up leaving George for Eric. They were blissfully happy and Eric eventually penned another song about Pattie. This one was called “Wonderful Tonight.” What happened next in this fairy tale romance? Well, um, Eric ended up sleeping around and he and Pattie eventually got divorced. But whatever. We’re not focusing on that part.
Let’s go back to the part where one woman had three of history’s most famous love songs written about her. Why are we talking about this woman now? Well, because after 35 years, Pattie is finally talking about the romances in a book she’s titled Wonderful Today. OK, I know, I know, that title’s so horrible it makes you want to throw away the book without ever cracking it open. Well that’s what we did! But that won’t stop us from guessing at its contents. We’re betting Eric Clapton wrote a whole bunch of songs about Pattie Boyd that were never even released.
So without further ado, here’s the full list of songs that Eric Clapton wrote about Pattie Boyd:
- “Layla”
- “You’re So Pretty We Should Totally Bone”
- “Tell Me Again About That Time You Left a Beatle For Me”
- “You’re So Sexy And I’m So Famous We’ll Totally Be Together Forever”
- “What Do You Mean You Once Had a Threeway With Ringo?”
- “I’ve Totally Had Sex With Other Hot Chicks Too, You Know (Famous Ones)”
- “Why Is My Pillow On The Couch?”
- “Wonderful Tonight”
- “You’re So Sexy And I’m So Famous We’ll Totally Be Together Forever” (Remix)
- “Not To Bring Up Old Memories But, Seriously: Ringo?!?”
- “When You Scream You Look Like Your Mother”
- “Why Haven’t We Had Sex Lately?”
- “Quit Nagging, I’m Sure George Harrison Left His Socks On The Floor Sometimes Too”
- “This Isn’t Working”
- “When I Kiss You All I Taste Is Ringo”
- “I’ve Found Someone Else Just Like You (But Younger)”
- “Please Direct All Future Correspondance To The Divorce Lawyer”
(Photo via Getty Images)
JuneFriday
In Odder News: Stephen Colbert Becomes a Comic
- Stephen Colbert becomes a 2-D sci fi hero in a comic book he’s overseeing: Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen. And EW has a preview of it. Take that Jon Stewart!
- Who are these people who have nothing more pressing to do then camp out for an iPhone? Apparently one is the mayor of Philadelphia. Thank you, Philly taxpayers, for subsidizing this man’s wait time.
- You’ve long wondered about your friend’s dog: Was it born this stupid, or did your friend do something to make it that way? Try checking this list of the Top 10 Least Intelligent Dogs. If your friend’s dog is an Afghan Hound, you can be pretty sure the stupidity is inborn.
- Meet the family who keep a hippopotamus in their house as a pet. It’s like having a life-size version of Hungry Hungry Hippos–except in this game the hippo might accidentally eat your sofa. Includes video!
- So a guy wakes up in Florida and asks his wife to take him to the hospital because he has a terrible headache. Once there the nurse quickly discovers the problem: He’d been shot in the head. And didn’t know it. But it gets better. Who shot him? His wife. She claims she shot him “by accident” while he was sleeping, and then was so upset by the incident, didn’t bother telling him about it. I’m no marriage counselor, but this is probably a sign that it’s time for a divorce.
JuneFriday
ICYMI: Guy Grabs Microphone Not iPhone
Check out this Fox News reporter in front of the line of people waiting for iPhones at New York’s Apple Store. She starts her interview with Newsweek tech columnist Stephen Levy by joking, “We’re going to need some security around here probably.” Turns out that’s one of the more truthful statements ever uttered on Fox News, although not for the reason she was expecting. Levy is one of only four journalists in the country who was given an early version of the iPhone and he whipped it out of his pocket. People are lined up for blocks to buy the phone. It’s going for over $1,000 on eBay. And Levy’s just dangling it out there–it looks like he doesn’t even have a good grip on it. So what happens? As the two are talking, some guy walks behind them and grabs… the reporter’s microphone! It’s a sad statement about the education system in our country that our youth aren’t even smart enough to figure out what’s best to steal…
(Video courtesy of the sharp eyes at TMZ .)
JuneFriday
Handicapping the Hot Dog Eating Contest
No doubt you already have plans for the fourth of July, and no doubt they already include flipping on ESPN at noon EST for the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest. There is no better way to celebrate what makes this country great than to sit back and watch grown men eat so many hot dogs that it makes you want to vomit. And this year’s contest was shaping up to be the sporting event of the decade. In a qualifying round, the world record of six-time defending champ Takeru Kobayashi had finally been demolished by American Joey “Jaws†Chestnut, who deep throated 59.5 hot dogs. On the fourth, the two were set to face off in a gurgitation grudge match. But now: Tragedy. While training, Kobayashi was struck down with a chewing-related injury that will severly limit his chomping abilities. While Kobayashi will still attempt to compete, his level of ingestion will surely fail to reach epic levels.
This changes everything. For insight into what to expect now from the contest, we e-mailed some questions to Crazy Legs Conti, the most colorful pro-eater on the circuit and star of the awesome documentary Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating. (The DVD of which has just become available.) Here’s what he had to say:
With Kobayashi on the DL, why should we even bother watching the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest this year?
Don’t think the contest is simply the Joey/Koby show. Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti will become only the third gurgitator in history to hit the fifty hbd mark. Tim “Eater X” Janus will likely hit forty-five. Two slender females, Sonya” The Black Widow” Thomas and Juliet Lee could win beauty contests, but instead both will eat dozens more hot dogs and buns than men four times their size. Also after a two-year hiatus, baked bean sprinter Dale “The Mouth from the South” Boone returns to the final table. For those fans who watch ice skating for the spills and car racing for the crashes, I am making a bold prediction: Boone is known for his hair trigger epiglottis. He will hit the eight-minute wall hard and nitrates will mix with the enzymes in his body causing the meat sweats. All I can say to those fans in the spray zone in front of Boone is…wear a raincoat. My guess is at 8:33 of the contest, Boone will suffer a urge contrary to swallowing that will rival a Shamu cannonball at SeaWorld. Sadly, I’ll probably be eating next to him and he’ll stiff me on the dry cleaning bill.
JuneFriday
CAPTION THIS: It’s Stephanie Tanner from Full House!
Yes, it looks like our little Stephanie–or as real people call her Jodie Sweetin–is all growed up. Our caption: “I’ve got twins bigger than the Olsens!”
JuneFriday
Make A Simpsons Celebrity!
It’s Friday, it’s almost a holiday, and none of us particularly feel like working, so here’s a fun little way to waste time: The Simpsons avatar creator. It lets you design your own Simpsons character. Instead of just creating a random avatar, though, why not try to recreate a bona-fide celebrity in Simpson form? When you think about it, the Simpson format really suits itself to some celebrities. You automatically get unnatural skin color (Lindsay Lohan), googly eyes (Brittany Murphy) and only four fingers (Daryl Hannah (Seriously, check out the trivia on her IMDB page.)).
To the right you’ll see my attempt at Paris Hilton. It sucks, I know. I’m a writer not an artist. (Of the available options, I thought it best to make the logo on her shirt a bar of soap. Because she was just in prison. And they make you pick up the soap in the showers there. Or so I hear.) Anyway, if you’re bored today and feel like creating your own Simpsons celebrity recreation, send it to us at: info@bwe.tv. If we get anything good, we’ll post the best ones at the end of the day.
(Note to budding artists: I couldn’t figure out a way to save the character to my desktop, so I had to harvest it by doing a screen grab.)
JuneFriday
While You Were Preparing To Prepare For Vacation
- Ooh, Isaiah Washington’s speaking out again. In an interview with Newsweek, he said racism was partially to blame for his firing from Grey’s Anatomy, claiming producers were threatened by the fact that he was “a black man who wasn’t a mush-mouth Negro.” You gotta hand it to him, this man has an ear for sound bites.
- Continuing their reputation for delighting in only the most annoying entertainers America has to offer, the French have awarded Barbra Streisand with their Legion of Honor medal. The other American to have received the award: Jerry Lewis. No doubt David Blaine’s medal is currently being minted.
- Tickets for the next musical from Mel Brooks, Young Frankenstein, will top out at $450. That is roughly $448 more than it would cost you to just rent the damn movie.
- The Spice Girls announced they were reuniting for a world tour. No word on whether Meat Loaf will once again be driving their tour bus. (That, people, is a Spice World reference. Don’t act like you haven’t seen the movie.)
- With the July 4 holiday fast approaching, BWE.tv’s Michelle Collins has gone on vacation. Posting for her today will be Adam Winer, aka me. I promise to try not to suck.
MayFriday
I’m Out Like Rosie
By now you’ve all heard about the noted departure that’s making huge waves in the entertainment industry: That’s right, this is my last post here at BWE.tv. Perhaps it was the way Alicia Silverstone failed to hug me, perhaps it was my split-screen argument with BWE.tv editor Alex Blagg, but most likely it’s just the fact that my guest-blogging stint is up. So a hugemongous thanks to Alex and Michelle and the rest of the staff here for being so awesome and helpful and patient as I learned how this whole “Internet” thing was supposed to work. And a gigoundous thanks to you readers out there for paying attention to me and being so friendly in the comments section. I didn’t respond too often (Um, mostly because for the first few weeks, I didn’t even know that I could. Again, kinda new to this whole blogging thing.) but I always saw the feedback, and it was much appreciated. I’m heading back to my usual day job of writing for magazines, so if you ever feel like reading words written on actual pieces of paper, look for me there. (I’ve got a piece in the new ESPN The Magazine on–wait for it–NASCAR tires! That’s a lot like writing for BWE.) So thanks again to everyone. Look for Barbara Walters to announce the new guy on Tuesday.
MayFriday
Lindsay Lohan Works the Pole
It’s been talked about for a while now, and here we finally have it: Video of Lindsay Lohan playing a stripper in her upcoming movie I Know Who Killed Me. It’s grainy and at first you can’t even tell that it’s Lindsay, but you’ll get the idea. Click over to the film’s website to see the footage, and have fun dealing with their age verification system. (Nothing ever goes wrong with those things.) Pretty creepy, huh? What’s up with that Silence Of The Lambs-esque voice over? I kept waiting for it to tell Lindsay to put the lotion in the basket. The only thing scarier than that voice over is Lindsay’s hair. Props to the film’s hair stylist–you really nailed that trashy stripper look.
