Nothing much happens in the beginning part, but it gets you nice and warmed up for the amazingness that takes place beginning around the 1:20 mark. I have no idea who or what Lil Markie is, or where he’s from, but you simply must know him. (via CultrVultr)
Alex Blagg's Archive
MayFriday
This Is Your Chance To Be One Of The First Hipster Comedy Snobs To See The Foot Fist Way!
Dear Hipster Comedy Snobs: if you live in New York or Los Angeles (and lets face it, you do), this weekend is your chance to be one of the very first people to see The Foot Fist Way, a new independent comedy whose buzz is off the charts thanks largely in part to the fact that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay claim it’s the best movie in the history of ever. Don’t wanna take their word for it? How about the ringing endorsement of alt comedy gods like Patton Oswalt, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, and Jonah Hill? Also Ben Stiller apparently likes it too. Hell, we even told you about it months ago (yeah, that’s right, we’re that f*cking hip). With this kind of buzz, your window of opportunity to tell everyone who hasn’t seen it how amazing it is and quote it relentlessly with your other hipster friends is small – and before you know it, it’s gonna cross over to the mainstream, with every high school kid in the country using lines from the film as their MySpace headlines, and your crushing inability to like anything that’s considered widely popular will prevent you from ever getting to (publicly) enjoy it again. Let us not forget Napoleon Dynamite. So see it now, and see it often!
The trailer, once again, after the jump!
MayThursday
…OF THE DAY
- BEVERLY HILLS CRAP: They’re making another Beverly Hills Cop sequel, and Brett Ratner is directing it. The only way this could be worse news is if there was a cameo appearance by Norbit. Anyway, Paul Scheer is concerned and has some advice. (Paul Scheer)
- HEEBIE-JEEBIES: Clay Aiken apparently got his best friend pregnant. SPOILER ALERT: His best friend is the Pregnant Transman. (AOL)
- WIFEBUSTER: Bill Murray’s wife has filed for divorce and accused the actor of abusing her, abusing drugs, and abusing other women’s private parts with his wiener. Say it ain’t so, Bill. (Telegraph)
- SKIN ART: I defy anyone to find a tattoo better than this “Patrick Swayze As Centaur” Masterpiece. (CC Insider)
- GET REAL: Something is just not right in the brains of the kids on this season of The Real World. Or maybe it’s just lack of brains. I don’t know. (Remote Control)
MayThursday
ICYMI: Mario Cantone Nearly Sparks Full-Blown Lesbian Orgy On The View
During his appearance on The View to promote Sex and the City, Captain of Sass Mario Cantone suggested that “only lesbians win Daytime Emmy Awards” (citing “Ellen, Rosie and Susie” as proof), and nearly provoked a full-on girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl orgy among Behar, Whoopi, Sherri Shepherd and yes even Hasselbeck, all of whom are clearly desperate to win any kind of trophy, no matter what sacrifices of personal belief or sexual orientation must be made to do so. This could have gotten REALLY ugly…
MayThursday
Here Is A Video Of A Large Man In A Batman Mask, Who Maybe Just Drank A Whole Bottle Of Cough Syrup, Singing “Patience” By Guns N’ Roses
From our friends at Videogum. That is all.
MayThursday
Someone Cough Up Some Cash And Buy Me The Beef’s Motherf*cking Man Panties Already
Guys, Shia LaBeouf’s underwear is for sale. As in the holy cloth that once harnessed within it The Beef’s Beef. Think about that – those lucky fibers of fabric once contained the awesome and magnificent power of The Motherf*cking LaBeouf’s motherf*cking junk. You people have been reading this site long enough to know that there is nothing in the world I want more than to be rubbing those precious manties so softly across my beard, back and forth, up and down, over and over, forever and ever. I shouldn’t even have to say this, but if someone doesn’t Salute the Beef’s Shorts and hurry up and f*cking buy these drawers for me, I may just never blog again.
MayWednesday
…OF THE DAY
- FAIRY TALE ENDING: George Clooney broke up with that semi-hot chick who partied too much back in the day and thus had no chance in hell of sealing the deal with him and who is probably the saddest girl in the world right now. (People)
- DENIAL RIVER: After clicking around on the Cirque Lodge website, one blogger pokes a few holes in Kirsten Dunst’s “I was in rehab for depression” story. (Goldenfiddle)
- DONNIE BRASCO REFERENCE: Lazy headline writers think they can get away with just grouping “Tony Soprano” along with any old mafia movie reference. (Max Silvestri)
- TIMEWASTER: A new website has the top 20 music videos of every week, spanning from the beginning of MTV to the end of Napster. Awesome. (Grabb It)
- BOOK DEAL: Finally, The Jonas Brothers will have the chance to artistically express themselves in their artistic medium of choice: literature. (ONTD)
MayWednesday
TRAILER MIX: I’m Just Not That Into The Trailer For He’s Just Not That Into You
Look, Trailer for He’s Just Not That Into You – you seem nice and non-threatening, which is why I sat for the last two minutes and politely listened to what you’re about. You seem to have a lot going for you: a big cast of stars including Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck and Scarlett Johansson, the kind of quirky comedy vibe people used to simply adore in the 90′s, and quite a bit of self-confidence. But I just don’t know, you know? I’m not sure whether it’s my recent scorn for all entertainment about why boys won’t call (probably brought on by this week’s onslaught of Sex and the City stuff), the vague sense of having already seen you seven or eight times, your unimaginative use of music by The Cure, or the presence of that annoying kid from the Apple commercials, whom you apparently decided should have really weird hair. But anyway, the sad fact is: I’m just not that into you. Sorry.
See the trailer (via Fimoculous), after the jump!
MayWednesday
The BWE.tv Field Guide To Your Local Screening Of Sex and the City This Weekend
Unless you’re lucky enough to be living in a big media void where you haven’t spent the last month or so being assaulted on all fronts by big pink reminders of the imminent return of Carrie Bradshaw and her gang of estrogen-fueled friends, you probably know that the Sex and the City movie arrives in multiplexes this weekend, and you might even have already made plans to go see it. To better prepare you for this endeavor, I have prepared the following Field Guide cataloging the different species of people one can expect to encounter at opening-weekend screenings of the movie:
The Deluded Women Who Believe SatC Wasn’t Just A TV Show, But A Sacred Guide On How To Live
Identifying Characteristics: These girls (also known as “Scary Sadshaws”) can be most easily identified by their serious, solemn demeanor leading up to and during the screening of the movie. Meticulously put together, wearing only the latest fashions from the pages of their beloved fashion magazines, these poor things truly believe in their hearts that they can become Carrie Bradshaw if their parents just give them enough money to move to Manhattan, where they will spend all their time going out in the Meatpacking District with rich douchebags just trying to get laid, clothes shopping for said dates, and gabbing about it over brunch the next day with other girls who secretly hate them. All of this is comprehensively recorded on their sh*tty blog that no one reads except their friends back home (at least until Gawker makes fun of them, which results in a book deal for said sh*tty blog).
Anticipated Behavior: Be careful, because these girls take this sh*t about as seriously as genocide, and will not hesitate to shush anyone who dares talk during the movie. In fact, if you continue to make the mistake of sipping your drink too loudly, they may not even offer a second warning before clawing your eyes out while shrieking “This is my DREAM!”
The Girlfriends Who Think Their Lives Are Just Like SatC Even Though They Couldn’t Be Less Similar
Identifying Characteristics: They travel only in packs of four, giggle incessantly, and have stuffed themselves into ill-fitting SatC “costumes” that wouldn’t be flattering or appropriate even if they were ten years younger.
Anticipated Behavior: They will likely spend the majority of the movie sucking down pink drink-tinis they snuck into the theater in an emptied-out Franzia bag while laughing too loudly and constantly saying stuff like, “Oh my god that’s totally YOU, Joan!”
Read the rest, after the jump!
