• 9 February
    Tuesday

    The David Paterson Scandal Joke Headlines Are On Their Way…

    New Yorkers are still waiting for the Times to release their so-called “career-destroying bombshell” story about Governor David Paterson, which has been rumored to be everything from a sex scandal to a drug scandal to being the second gunman on the grassy knoll while having sex with drugs.

    Fortunately, we don’t have to wait for the story to actually break before newspapers can start rolling out ridiculous, Photoshopped joke covers. Way to take the initiative, A.M. New York:

    Pretty awesome — though I imagine that the day the story breaks, the NY Post will rain down upon us with the greatest headline that ever headlined. Political scandal, sex and drugs possibly involved, Democratic governor, and the possibility of blind jokes? I will be satisfied with nothing less than the Sgt. Pepper’s of Post headlines.

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    Kate Gosselin’s New, Honest Book Cover

    Here’s the cover to Kate Gosselin’s new book, I Just Want You To Know.

    Maybe I’m just bein’ a Skeptical Sam here, but it looks like she’s trying really, really hard to appear wholesome and likable:

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    New Aqua-Bus Makes Technology Of 30-Year-Old Bond Movies A Reality

    The city of Glasgow, Scotland just unveiled a new line of Amphibious Buses designed to make expensive ferrys obsolete. It’s a true marvel of transportation technology, if we all pretend that Duck Tours and this don’t already exist:

    More pics of the Aqua-Bus in action below — now everyone’s daily commute will be like a Bond movie, but really boring! So, Tomorrow Never Dies:

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    Martini Minute with New Kids on the Block: On Sex, Hangin’ Tough & Debbie Gibson

    If you would have told my 9 year old self that almost 20 years later I would be coming face to face (“Or breasts to face in some instances.” — 6 ft. tall me) with New Kids on the Block, I probably would have slapped you in the face, slammed my door, slapped some bracelets on my wrists and spooned my body pillow for hours on end, weeping from nerves at the thought. Never really did have too many friends as a child.

    Thankfully, NKOTB did not hold these awkward early years against me as they agreed to sit down with me for another installment of “Martini Minute.” The room was admittedly cramped over at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, where we met merely hours before their solid Late Night performance.

    And there they sat, the 5 of them — Joey McIntyre, Danny Wood, Donnie Wahlberg, Jordan and Jonathan Knight — looking hotter than I even remembered, and ready to bare all about what life was like on the road and beyond as one of America’s most beloved boy bands. We cover everything: Debbie Gibson, the fans, sexual point systems, kneetouches, upcoming gigs, and most importantly… rat tails.

    This interview will answer at least 9 of your most burning NKOTB questions. Here’s to you, Danny Wood. *clink*

    So… who’s coming on the NKOTB cruise with me?

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    Click here to check out other Martini Minute’s!

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    Thanks For The Valentine’s Day Advice, Myspace!

    Any time I receive emails from Myspace, I feel like I’m being contacted by a delusional ex-girlfriend who I wasn’t even that into in the first place and now doesn’t realize it’s been over for three years. This awkwardness is compounded when Myspace starts offering me suggestions about what I should be doing for Valentine’s Day:

    Why yes, Myspace, I would like to spend my Valentine’s Day going to dinner with a webcam link that instantly freezes my entire apartment! I could be all, “Would you like some champagne?” and she’d be like, “I’m a robot who just sent your email address to nine porn sites!” and I’d be like “I know we just met but I’m really feeling a connection here!” and she’d be like “XXXPH@T@S YE$$$$$$$$” and then I’d finally be happy.

    Then I would play my new real lady some music from Myspace’s suggested Valentine’s playlist:

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    Brooklyn Decker’s Topless Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

    In its ongoing effort to be as close to porn as it can be without actually being porn, because it can’t be porn, even though all anyone cares about seeing is porn, Sports Illustrated unveiled the cover of its new 2010 Swimsuit Issue today featuring a topless Brooklyn Decker, wife of tennis star Andy Roddick:

    If only there were some way to see women actually naked on the internet, perhaps by, I don’t know, inserting a floppy disk and booting kilobytes of world wide web? Grrrrrrr!!! It’s too hard!!!

    A much HOTTER pic of Brooklyn Decker, after the jump:

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  • 9 February
    Tuesday

    An Important Message to All of Our Readers

    Because we don’t say it often enough…

    I’ve watched this 200 times in the past 45 seconds.

    (via Justin Purnell)

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  • 8 February
    Monday

    The Super Babies of the Super Bowl LXIV

    Last night’s Superbowl XLIV was watched by a record 106 million viewers, with almost half of those viewers likely being Ladies. You may not have realized this from the marathon of commercials showing women getting the ess kicked out of them, but indeed, there was a slew of Double-X Chromies tuned in. Sure, a lot of ladies love football – myself included (one day a year) – but what of the women that hate it? The woman that slave all day long over a hot oven, toasting their nachos just so, basting buckets of wings in sauce while their beloved Tim Allen Stereotype sits outside, a veritable chicken bone chipper? How on Earth are they supposed to enjoy the game???

    Simple.

    SUPERBOWL BABIES!!!!

    Between Drew Brees and Scott Fujitsu’s offspring, from Suri Cruise to the Jolie-Pitt brethren, there was plenty of ovarian eye-candy to keep us gals occupied, weeping over our knitting needles, crouched over our washboards, while the boys seemingly had all the fun. And yes, I’m being sarcastic — GUYS LIKE BABIES TOO!!!! Enjoy this very special gallery of all the adorable Super Bowl Super Babies ahead.


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  • 8 February
    Monday

    10 Super Bowl XLIV Pun Headlines

    I gotta say, as a football fan, I was thrilled to biscuits about last night’s Super Bowl (expression for the new millennium), but as a connoisseur of forced puns, I’m somewhat disappointed with this year’s crop of Super Bowl headlines.

    Let’s take a spin through 10 Super Bowl pun/jokey headlines from major publications — they’re mostly decent, but there’s a lot of overlap and nothing that screams “Super Bowl Of Awful Pun Headlines”. No “Winning Is A Brees”, no “MAN-ning, What A Bad Throw”, and not even a “Saints Misbehavin’, By Which We Mean Winning!”


    1. CBS.com:


    2. New York Times:


    3. New York Post:


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  • 8 February
    Monday

    VIDEO: Never Look Into A Mirror When You’re In A Horror Movie, Dumbass

    I have a sweet idea for a movie scene: Someone’s looking in the mirror, and you assume there’s no one behind them because why would there be? It’s just a mirror. Then they adjust the mirror slightly and OHMYGOD THERE IS IN FACT SOMEONE BEHIND THEM IT’S A MONSTER!!!!!!!

    Wait, it’s been done? How many times?

    (via FourFour)

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