Today, Donald Trump announced the line-up for the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice, and guys… it’s good. Real good. Sure, Marcus Bachmann is not on it, but look who is!
People I Care About:
* Singer Clay Aiken
* Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member Teresa Guidice
* Comedian Lisa Lampanelli
* Rock star Dee Snider
* Radio host Adam Carolla
* Comedian Arsenio Hall
* Magician Penn Jillette
* Singer Debbie Gibson
* Star Trek actor George Takei
* Singer (LOL) Tia Carrere
* Incredible Hulk Lou Ferrigno
People I Don’t Care That Much About:
* Mob boss widow Victoria Gotti
* Model Cheryl Tiegs
* IndyCar champ Michael Andretti
* Former Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza
* American Chopper star Paul Teutul Sr.
* Singer-actress (LOL) Aubrey O’Day
* Atress-model Patricia Velasquez (?)
Now as anyone who has watched Celebrity Apprentice knows, the gasoline that makes this Model T of a program ahoooga along are the Celebrity Feuds that break out between cast members. Who can forget the classics? Joan Rivers vs. Annie Duke? Nene Leakes vs. Star Jones? Meatloaf vs. Gary F**king Busey? It’s Ego vs. Ego in Trump’s marble trompe l’oeil palace, and judging by this roster of brand new celebs for the taking, we can already start to guess as to which stars are going to tear each other’s heads off while trying to sell Sno-Cones in Union Square.
Judging by this photo taken of the two on the set, this feud is a no brainer. The always jovial Clay will have it up to “here!” (really high up) with Arsenio’s constant cracks about Aiken’s sexuality. Things will reach an all time boiling point when Clay admits that he’s never seem Coming To America, and he never WILL see it, causing Arsenio to bark him out of the board room.
Two Hulks. But Only One Winner. Who Will It Be? — Tagline from my fantasy. I just can’t wait to see her little forehead turn green y’all.
Lisa’s razor shot wit will have met its match in Dayana’s no doubt razor sharp rack. These two will be like oil and water, with Lisa being oil, and Dayana being the exact molecular makeup of a lukewarm glass of water. But she’s pretty, and Trump will want to stick it in real bad, so expect Lisa to make it to the Top 4. (TWIST)
Like two boxes of mentholated Kleenex fighting for the same nostril. Does that make any sense? No. But neither does either of these women being on Celebrity Apprentice. But it’s clear the ladylike Cheryl will only take so many bare crotch flashings from O’Day before she loses her sh*t.
Undeniable sexual tension will lead to Debbie Deborah and Paul catfighting their way through challenges before they take each others reclaimed virginity on top of Melania Trump, whom they mistake for a chaise lounge.
CAT FIGHT! No, really, these two are like cats that are going to fight. Seriously, here is video of the two of them in a challenge:
This is a feud I actually hope DOESN’T happen because these two should really be the best of friends. The thing is, whenever I want something to happen really badly (friendship!) it backfires (knife fight!). Let’s pray I’m wrong on this one.
