May 21st marks THE END OF THE WORLD. How do we know? Because the Bible guarantees it, according to Family Radio. In fact, they also predict that the end is nigh because gay people are…around, or whatever. But we think that, aside from a really old book of fairy tales and men kissing men and ladies kissing ladies, there are clear signs within the realm of pop culture that signal the inevitable end of time. These examples are so defiant of reality, sense, and logic that they, too, guarantee that the world is going to explode at 6:00pm on Saturday!
Because, honestly, how can we live in a world where these things exist?
21. Napoleon Dynamite is coming back…to TV…as a a cartoon???
20. Simon Van Kempen’s “I Am Real”
19. Melissa & Joey is an actual television show…on television
18. Lisa Rinna‘s Twitter account
17. Oprah spending two hours chewing out “relationship expert” Iyanla Vanzant using bizarre, surreal spiritual phrases and anecdotes
…followed by them laughing at how “homeless” she looks:
16. Even the false prospect of Donald Trump running for President
15. Nobody seems to care that Randy Jackson has a verbal lexicon of, like, 100 words and 5 phrases, and gets paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR IT
14. Real Housewife Jill Zarin planting pro-Jill Zarin propaganda online
13. Jordin Sparks‘s “duck face”
12. Former reality “star,” disgusting person, and self-proclaimed “awesome mom” Danielle Staub signs deal with Scores
11. Former reality “star,” disgusting person, and self-proclaimed “awesome mom” is allegedly dating “reality star” and sex-tape subject (and Brandy’s brother), Ray-J
10. “Good call.” — George Bush‘s response to President Obama re: the capture of Osama bin Laden
9. Zookeeper is a movie (that will probably do well)
7. The fact that we know who Nene Leakes is
6. Blatant racism by stuffy white folks versus “socially conscious” rapper Common
5. Kelly Bensimon is being paid money to “write” a book
4. Dunkin Donuts selling a chicken salad sandwich? On a croissant???
3. Mariah Carey named her son “Moroccan”
2. La Toya Jackson‘s exit from The Celebrity Apprentice, in which she pays tribute to brother Michael‘s “Billie Jean”
1. This picture of Miley Cyrus‘s little sister, Noah (a.k.a. “Noie”) [being available to the viewing public]
– Eliot Glazer
