Many years ago, when I was maybe 13 or 14, I decided to give myself a bob not unlike the one sported by Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago. I grabbed the scissors, stood in front of my mirror, and began my precision cut. Being right-handed, I tackled the left side of my head first, snipping with the elegance and grace of a Vidal Sassoon nearly 3 times my age. An hour later, half of my haircut was complete. It was… Perfect. Chin-length, not a hair out of place, razor-sharp and quite flattering. I smirked the teenaged smirk of a million disasters about to happen, and began snipping the hairs on the other side of my head. The first gigantic lock floated into the sink like so many Forrest Gump feathers. And then I looked in the mirror. To discover that I had cut it about an inch shorter than the side of my head I had just spent an hour on.
And so, I conceded defeat. Placing my scissors delicately on the vanity, I inhaled deeply, and gingerly began that long, solemn march to the living room to show the parental unit my misdeeds. Allow me to paint the pic: Half my hair was short, half was pretty long, and one chunk of bang was hitting at earlobe level. They were… what’s that French word? Horrified. Needless to type, it was one of the more humiliating Supercuts waiting room experiences of my lifetime.
But little did I know then what I know today: Thank God I didn’t cut a bitch and get arrested that day. Like this guy –
David Davis was arrested mid-haircut after grabbing a pair of scissors and stabbing another man in the back at the barbershop. The victim is fine, Davis is being held on $5,000, and the world was given the delightful gift of his extremely modern and daring hairdo. Dare I say I kind of love it? Give it 3 years before every assh*le in Williamsburg is sporting this exact same look.
[Photo: Splash]
