As has now been made public, this morning saw the return of Best Week Ever on VH1′s Jump Start Live. Producers asked me to be on the show live this morning to introduce the package, which meant having the honor of sitting in the green room for an hour and watching whichever celebrities were booked for the day get their hair and makeup done. No big thing.
First up, the inimitable British crooner James Blunt, who was very mild-mannered, sweet, and has really nice hair. On the other hand, he also did not personally serenade me, which means that #17 on my Bucket List is still very much a goal:
But the fun didn’t end there. Because whispers round the green room kept reminding me that actor Garrett Hedlund was headed in, following a taping of Live with Regis and Kelly. Now, if you’re like me, you’re probably like “Garrett WHO-dlund?!” because you’re an assh*le who loves a good pun. To which everyone was like “Um, duh, Tron. He’s in Tron.” So then you shut up because you still haven’t even seen Tron. In other news, how was Tron? I digress.
So there we are, me, some producers, a table full of bananas, James Blunt, and all of a sudden, who walks in but Garrett Hedlund. THE Garrett Hedlund. And forgive me for not knowing this beforehand, but holy. sh*t. I am in love with Garrett Hedlund. Wearing a tuxedo jacket, mustache, and boots ripped off of the old shovel man in Home Alone, he was the perfect combination of “elegance on a snow day.” And that mustache… made me wish for the fine days of prohibition.
Lucky for me and my extremely long arms, I daintily unfurled my ulna bone in his direction and introduced myself. He graciously accepted my lilting palm and made his way round the room saying hello. I’ve met my fair share of celebrities in my time, but it’s rare that I get really super f*cking nervous around one. Yet here I was… affected… by the guy from Tron.
He clearly had other things on his mind, like, you know, everything else, so I knew I had to act fast. So, I asked him the first thing I could think of:
“Soooo… how was Regis?” ps Read that as Jewy as possible, like an old grandmother trying to feel young again. “Soooo… how was Regis?”
“He wasn’t there. It was Neil Patrick Harris!” Garrett smiled.
Me:
That was it, basically. I asked about Regis Philbin. Though, not fully true, when I was done with my segment, he did say “That was really funny.” To which I replied:
In conclusion, I wrote this post to assure all of you out there that Garrett Hedlund is, in fact, extremely dreamy. Shockingly so. And so I figured I’d write all about it so that I may one day read this post to my grandchildren. Also, according to this probably spammy website, “OMG he’s single.” As the kids these days say, WTF*ck? Sooooo who wants to see Country Strong with me? No big deal, he’s in it. Love you bye.
