Politics, man. So boring, right? WRONG! Meet Phil Davison, resident of Stark County, OH, and prospective Republican nominee for Treasurer of said county. While most local politicians ascend to government office based on a combination of experience, connections and good fortune, our new hero Phil Davison attempted to win over the voters of Stark County the old-fashioned way; namely, by penning a speech so moving, so powerful, so full of oratory grace that Patrick Henry himself would rise from the grave, initiate a slow clap to end all slow claps, then cast a ballot for Davison before crumbling into a jealous pile of dust.
Sadly for Davison (but happily for us!), in order to overcome his somewhat shaky command of his talking points and general nervousness at the podium, he decided to give his speech while SPEAKING AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE, like some sort of unholy offspring of the Ultimate Warrior and Inspirational Speaker Matt Foley. Now, thanks to the magic of embeddable video, seemingly innocuous phrases such as “I HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE IN COMMUNICATION!” and “IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY LIES OPPORTUNITY!” have become the stuff of Internet lore, thanks to Davison’s ALL CAPS vocal stylings.
Oh, btw, we have no idea who Randy Gonzalez is, but we do know this: he better be sure to sleep with one eye open tonight. SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
[hat tip to Videogum]
