Nick Jonas is almost done with his run of Les Miserables in London and set to return to the US, which is sure to make his new Welsh girlfriend and co-star, Lucie Jones, tres miserables. In order to ease the pain of separation, Nick called up Pizza Express and did what a teen idol from the 60′s does.
“He put in a request to the restaurant,” a source said. “He specifically asked for a midnight pizza-making session for him and Lucie. She was thrilled with the effort he made and the pizza he made was delicious as well.”
Did you hear that? The pizza was delicious as well. Gosh, everything that boy touches turns to gold. In this case not literal gold because that would not be delicious, but you know what I mean.
Listen, it all sounds very sweet. But before you’re all like, “I bet they have a milkshake with two straws and then hopped around in their socks,” consider what I think happened: Jonas is in his angst-y teenage years. He’s just discovered Nirvana. He loves the song “Heart Shaped Box.” He wants to write lyrics like Cobain, but he knows he has to maintain a certain amount of Jonasness. So he writes these lyrics:
She eyes me like a Pisces when I am hungry
I’ve been locked inside your Heart Shaped Pizza for weeks
I’ve been drawn into your magnet cheese pit trap
I wish I could eat your crust when you turn golden brown.
And he’s all like, “THAT’S IT. I will take Lucie out for a Heart Shaped Pizza and sing her these lyrics and she’ll understand how much feeling and sensitivity and hunger I possess.” And she did. And it was delicious.
FIN.
