As some of you may know by now, I was lucky enough to be nominated for a Logo NewNowNext Award for Brink of Fame Comic, alongside fellow nominees Amy Phillips, Liz Feldman, Maulik Pancholy and Aziz Ansari. I did not think for a moment that I would win.
Then I won. And this is what happened:
It should be fairly clear from my reaction, the fact that I smashed my glass to the floor, that I bounded up to the stage — breaking only to grope Johnny Weir — only to stand there, hunched at the microphone, with complete befuddlement, confusion, and Hellraiser (?!) references, that I had not actually written a speech. Because why would I waste time writing a speech when I had no chance of winning? Right? Right. Result? The above mess.
So I’d just like to take a second to thank a few people. Thanks to all my coworkers at VH1, especially Dan Hopper, and to all of my bosses, without whom I would be homeless and probably superthin and hot. And shout-outs to my friends at Logo, including John Polly and Jon Mallow and Matt Flanders among others. To my parents, without whom I would not have the issues that make me the comedian I am today. To my friends in comedy and beyond, for still speaking to me. But mainly to you, the readers, the people whose votes got me this award, and whose clicks and comments have kept this blog alive despite all odds. This award, which gets me on step closer to my dream of being a QVC presenter, is dedicated to all of you. *wipes non-existant tear*
AND TO GOD. Obvsss.
See? This is why I didn’t write a speech. Because it makes said person (me) sound like a self-obsessed assh*le (also me).
It should be noted that the highlight for my Mother was that an Olympian was clapping for me. And when she puts it that way, she really has a point. Also, Janice Dickinson stopped me after to tell me (slur) that I was “a genius, an absolute genius.” Sure, she had no idea who the hell I was, but hey, I finally have the perfect quote for my headstone!! Thanks Janice.
If you missed it, here is a link to the entire awards show, as well as some behind the scenes photos of me and my “date” along with RuPaul & Kelly Osbourne, among others.
