True story: Sometime last fall, I was set to make an appearance on It’s On with Alexa Chung. And as I was walking from the dressing room to the set, I passed a small ventriloquist’s dummy propped up on a chair, dressed in a tiny, custom-made suit, and surrounded by a gaggle of primpers. I thought “Hmm, maybe they brought Paul Winchell back from the dead.” (Famous ventriloquist). Then I went about my business.
Well, folks, that little wooden man was actually mega-childlebrity Justin Bieber. And while I didn’t know much about him back then, today I know all too much about him. And the more I learn, the more I start to wonder: Is Justin Bieber a Nazi? Allow us to present our case to you here:
Point #1: He greets his fans with a “Heil, How Are You?”
Point #2: He plays stupid when it comes to the word “German,” as only a paranoid Nazi could:
Point #3: His Twitter Defense speaks for Jewself:
Let us consult with our favorite Jewman to see what he thinks about this mix-up:
Jewman’s face says all. We’re just happy they didn’t ask Bieber if he enjoys “Flying Kites.”
Point #4: Die Dame denn Protest zu viel
(The lady doth protest too much)… he speaks German. OK, he can count in German. Here are 10 more reasons he might be a Nazi:
Fair enough, this point doesn’t hold that much water, mainly because our favorite MTV VJs ever, Joko ist Klaas, also speak German and we’re 99.9 percent sure they aren’t Nazis. Moving along.
IN CONCLUSION: Do we need an in conclusion??? It seems preettttty obbbbbbbvious* that this kid is a Nazi. What do you guys think? Beliebers, are you with me??
(*Or is it?)
